Need help do not know what to do???

Bluefish · 08-05-2008, 10:03 PM

I have been married for 8 years now.I have worked third shift (retail) and my hours are 10pm-7am sometimes later.In the past year its been the hardest on our marriage.We fight about everything!!!Matter-in-fact she has been band from where I work because she started a fight when we went to pick up my check from work about 6 months ago!!!!We have a 8 year old little girl that I love very much sometimes my wife calls her a "pest" and I just hate that.I wish I can quit my 3rd shift job but that is impossible for money reason.I feel depressed all the time and the guys at work ask me "what wrong"??ect....I tell them a little bit whats going on.I tell them that she wants me to quit 3rd shift but I also tell them if I quit how will the bills get payed??My wife do not understand this.We are not overload with bills and I could work just a small part-time job but after a month we will be fighting about money.NOW it seems God has throw another ball at me.Two weeks ago we had a new girl to start working with us on third shift as a cashier (were open 24 hours)She is from Bulgaria and is a very nice girl and we have alot in common.She knows me and my wife are having problems before she came to our country.Its like we have connected a little and I know we have.I just think we are both are afaird to talk about our feeling on the Job.Make matters worse the night manger kind of know I like this girl and puts me working with her.Even the Co-manger in the mornings also tells me things like she is a very nice girl ect.......NO I have not asked this girl to out with me or anything ,but I really think we to sit down outside of the job and talk about our feelings.One other thing makes this more interesting is that she was staying until September but now she is getting her work visa and staying here in the usa.Right now I having mixed feelings and need help.There is alot more to this with my wife even my father and mother worry about about me because the way my wife treat me and my little girl.There are tons of little things also.Any opinion would be greatful.I need all I can get before my mind gos.I do love my wife but in the last year she has pay more attention to the cats than me!!!!Thanks for the help......

ljtseng · 08-06-2008, 02:57 PM

i dont think you should cheat on your wife. Do everything you can do fix your marriage, go to counseling (on your own if you have to), get marriage books, self-help books, etc. If after doing all these things you want out of your marriage then do the mature thing and leave. But you're only going to make things worse by cheating. Your putting your child in the middle of an emotional battle field.

827Aug · 08-07-2008, 08:33 PM

Just go ahead and remove the girl at work from your thoughts. Getting involved with another person at this point will only complicate your life. Please focus your attention to WHY you and your wife aren't getting along. You need to find out what she needs in your relationship and she needs to find out what you need. Perhaps you and your wife could see a marriage counselor. Also, begin reading marriage and self-help books. I have gained much guidance (& wisdom) from them. This forum is a great tool too! Friends and family tend to give biased opinions whereas opinions on this forum are unbiased.

honey28 · 08-07-2008, 10:58 PM

please talk to your wife. someone else always seems more appealing when you have problems. your marital problems will never be resolved w/ the involvement of a 3rd party. distance yourself from this other woman, keep it strictly professional unless you want to get burned b/c that's what happens when you play with fire.

draconis · 08-13-2008, 02:43 AM

This nice girl is all but a distraction that is in effect making your marriage worse. The longer the emotional feeling go on the less you can put to fixing your relationship. You need to communicate better with your wife and listen to her as well. It seems there are deep problems here and the reasons might be right there. She has asked you for years to get off of third. You never say why she asked you to do that. Does she feel detached from you, Afraid at hom at night without you, lonely?

draconis

lonelyheart · 08-13-2008, 07:35 AM

Cheating is never the solution to anything. I think you and your wife need to sit down and talk..initiate the talk. Tell her how you really feel and how things need to change. Also let her know that her actions are driving you away. There will always be someone better than your spouse..you just have to stick to your vows and make it work. If you feel you can not work anymore, then its ok to separated in a mature way, then you can move on to the next relationship

mrs.mixedmessages · 08-13-2008, 12:40 PM

I agree cheating will not solve anything it's like drinking-a quick fix to make ya feel better for a little while but wowsers when ya wake up in the morning lol. Talk to your wife, show her a little extra attention without going overboard (that makes us women worry to) but try to find common ground again and things you can do together. Even if it's a walk holding hands! Tell her what is bothering you and ask for some ideas on how to fix it. If you start going somewhere else to fix your relationship with your wife trust me it will never ever be fixed