bumble

I have a bit of a issue. I have been on the hunt for the last year to find a job. Any job will do at this point, trust me I am not picky. I have put out 60 applications in this town and surrounding towns and about twenty in Texas. I have had three interviews and still nothing. I have redone my resume a couple of times and constantly try to improve my interviewing skills. I have never had issues getting jobs befor now. I have been taking it hard. Very hard to be honest and was recently hospitalized with a bad case of depression.

Now I have turned to my husband and asked him to find a better job. He is an intern at his college and works about 19 hours a week and makes about 117$ every two weeks. He does not feel that he needs to find a job. Mommy and daddy pay for all of his insurance, car, cell phone and whatever. We have been staying at his parents house for about 5 months and hubby is loving it. He can go out and play golf all day with his friends, stay out all night playing video games. Now his parents would like for me to start looking for a place to live. They know I have been looking diligantly for a job, but they feel their son is their resposibility but I need to take care of myself. I agree with this 100%, I am my own responsibility, but my husband needs to grow up. Now I am feeling angry with him for not being there for me. I asked if we could consider moving to another state for work, but he would not consider it. He says my money issues are my own issues to take care of.

Am I attacking my husband because of my own feeling about my situation or could he be a little more understanding? I just want for the both of us to have somewhat good jobs and a place of our own. Mom wants son to stay here where there are no jobs How do I deal with this?

brismiley

How long have you been married? I find it odd that "He says my money issues are my own issues to take care of". To me a married couple has joint responsibility of money. What is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. It sounds like his parents are trying to split you up also, they want you to find a place because their son is their responsibility?!? He is a grown man and married he is NOT their responsibility. So I guess I am saying YES you have a right to be angry.

ljtseng

That does sound odd that he'd tell you to go take care of yourself and is OK with you leaving and him staying at his parents. Did you two live with his parents before you were married?

Mrs. Negestie

Honey if he has this feeling of not needing to find a better job then he has issues and it seems that you are the only one caring the stress is there any other family members you can go stay with?

Amplexor

Hubby needs to cut the chord and grow up. Living with mommy and daddy with a new wife is not healthy for your relationship with either. Start looking for jobs away from your area for both of you and ask for his input. If he is unwilling to leave the nest you will have some discussions and decisions to make. Failure to Launch?

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

cone

You are most certainly NOT in the wrong.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I feel, as a man, I must be a provider. If my wife wants to work, that's fine, but I like making it optional for her.

At the very least your husband should quit putting an un-nessary load on you without concern on his part. He needs to stand up and take care of his end of the responsibilities. But he has the people that created this negativity backing him up, his parents. When you got married, mommy and daddy should be out of the picture. Him letting them interfere is as bad as him not pulling his load. mommy and daddy should know this!

bumble

We moved into his parents house after we got married. He was thinking he was getting a full time position at the school he interns at, but it did not happen and he is still content with interning and mom and dad taking care of al his needs.

If things don't change in the next six months I wil be moving to Austin with my brother to find a job so I can pay off my student loan befor it comes due. He said last night that if I went and found a job he would come down with me, but he wont leave unless I can find a job.

ljtseng

well it sounds like he wants you to be the provider. are you OK with that?

bumble

not really. i want us both to be equally responsible. it takes two these days and we have no children so i see no reason why both of us should not work. either way i am going if i can't find a job. and if i can not find a job in a year i don't think 6 months is going to change anything.

is mother did work while his father was retired, maybe this is why he feels fine with me providing for myself.

justean

it sounds like his mummy and daddy are instigating a sting here.
you out and only look after son. they want you no longer in the picture.
your a married couple, not boyfriend and girlfriend.
where is he supporting you and sticking up for you.
i think his mum and dad are trying you for a separation.
you dont just ask for you to go and him to stay.

as for money issues, if they are your debts personally, but only from my experience - i would have to look at my own blame.
home finances etc are both of your issues.

AZMOMOFTWO

What I do for a living is executive career coaching. I will tell you that this is a very difficult market and you may be doing everything right and still get no results for awhile. However, the key to success is to continue and the more you get out there the more chance you will have. Do not let lack of response get you down. Press on! If you want to send me a private message on what you do I may have some more advice I can offer you. Job searching is very difficult and many of my clients who do not find jobs right away become depressed. When they allow that to happen, they fail. So brush yourself off and get yourself out there. It may also be the job market where you are too so you may have to leave.

The other part of your issue is separate from the first. Sounds like your hubby did not want to grow up and his mother doesn't want him to either. Your money issues ARE your husband's issue. His issues are NOT his parents. If he can't cut the apron strings then the relationship will fail.

One of the things that I insisted on early on is a joint account. We have no "my" money and we discuss major purchases. Even now when things are rocky we're still handling money jointly. I never wanted money to get in the way of our relationship, entire countries were destroyed due to money.

So to answer your question, no you are not wrong he is. How to make him see it, is another story sounds like he has been raised to believe that his wife's money issues are not his concern. Also they sound like they are sabotaging your relationship suggesting you move out and they take care of him. If he feels that way, time to move on!