New to this.please help

lostsoul08 · 08-06-2008, 11:05 AM

I have never written on any of these things before and feel like sometimes it may be able to talk to perfect strangers rather then people I know.

I have been with my husband for over 10 years and we have 2 beautiful boys. Married for 7 of these years.

We have had many problems throughout our marriage because I lie and havent worked. I have created a lot of debt and often can be verbally abusive to my husband and children.

I havent had an income in months and am recently looking for a job. We stand a good chance at loosing our house due to my neglegence and not working. About a month ago, I was talking to a mutual friend of ours on myspace. My husband didnt want me speaking to him anymore and i didnt for a while. When things got worse here at home, I began talking to this other person on the internet again, and we exchanged very explicit sexual comments. I had also spoken to this person on the phone before as well. My husband found the emails we were exchanging and was enraged. he had every right to be, I am not knocking him for that. But he called me a whre and a ****ing *****. I am not a ***** because i didnt sleep with this other guy, and it wasnt my intention. I was very lonely, and i know that is pathetic,but it's the truth.

My husband proceeded to go to a very good friend of ours' house and showed him the paper with the emails on it. I feel disgraced. I know I was wrong with my actions, but is it wrong for me to feel angry towards him?

Mrs. Negestie · 08-06-2008, 11:18 AM

The actions your husband took are totally normal he just showed them maybe to get another persons advice to how is he suppose to react on this situations. According to your actions of this internet relationship in my mind yes you are cheating if you are not seeking advice from this other man thats different but thats not what you were gaing and we both know that.I think that the disgrace will be hard to deal with now but if you ever think about doing it again you will have this story to think about.

Amplexor · 08-06-2008, 11:23 AM

What you did was wrong, no doubt about it. Your husband was hurt and acting out of emotions. Verbal abuse is not good in any relationship but he lost his temper in a moment of high emotion. He may also not trust in you that the emails were all that happened since you state you have a history of lying. I don’t agree with him in airing the family laundry and he may have done this for vindication if he is thinking of leaving the marriage. You are angry with him for his reaction to what happened and I can understand that. While you did not physically sleep with TOM what you did is outside there boundaries of a marriage in my opinion. The next step for you both is to communicate and find what each of you wants in the relationship. Build those in your own marriage and you will have no need for TOM. Non abusive and quiet communication is what is needed now. The damage has been done by both parties, now it is time to pick up the pieces.

draconis · 08-15-2008, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amplexor

What you did was wrong, no doubt about it. Your husband was hurt and acting out of emotions. Verbal abuse is not good in any relationship but he lost his temper in a moment of high emotion. He may also not trust in you that the emails were all that happened since you state you have a history of lying. I don’t agree with him in airing the family laundry and he may have done this for vindication if he is thinking of leaving the marriage. You are angry with him for his reaction to what happened and I can understand that. While you did not physically sleep with TOM what you did is outside there boundaries of a marriage in my opinion. The next step for you both is to communicate and find what each of you wants in the relationship. Build those in your own marriage and you will have no need for TOM. Non abusive and quiet communication is what is needed now. The damage has been done by both parties, now it is time to pick up the pieces.

draconis