I just recently married what I believe to be a wonderful man. There's one thing that bothers me about him and that's that he is very difficult to talk to when I am upset about something. If something is bothering me, I want to tell him, but I dread it because I know he will get mad and not want to talk about it, which leaves me feeling worse. I don't yell and I don't accuse. I try to ask him questions which I'm beginning to think that isn't the right way to go either. I just don't know what is. What makes this all worse is that we aren't together. He is in training right now and I know that he's told me that I am his relief from all the stupid things he goes through all day. Since he is in training should i keep myself from telling him something that may have bothered me? If you havent guess we had an argument while chatting online. Almost immediately he wanted to log off. He seems to believe that things can't get resolved this way while i think they can. I don't like leaving things unresolved. I want to fix them right away. I just feel unsupported because of this and I don't know the right way to go about fixing things. I hate that i can't say anything that has upset me without upsetting him!! and then we can't get anywhere.
you both have to accept eachothers ways. ask him to be a little more supportive to you .
i have been married for 9.5 yrs and togther 13 yrs.
you have a long way and you might always feel like your banging your head against the wall.
im still trying in my marriage.
you wil have lots of issues along the way.
so you have this one, it is an issue, because it is bothering you.
ask him to learn to deal with things, but you shouldnt really go on about it 10 years later. its very hard living with someone that doesnt let of of past issues.
i dont think you should have to keep most things to yourself.
but i learnt , ok it took me 13 years.
be more laid back. dont question everything, does every thing have to be questioned.
think about things, b 4 u open up. is what is on your mind , really important.
in my opinion we actually talk to much. rather than just sit down and take the moments for what they are.
try and suss out your man.
remember they do think different to us.
my hubby had a one night stand in april 08, were working things through, but because i have changed myself. we have not rowed since a week after the event.
n e thing is worth ago.
How long will he be in training? It's definitely harder to connect when you are not face to face and don't know how he's feeling, if he had a bad day, etc. so you do run the risk of him looking forward to talking to you (his relief at the end of a long day) and shutting down if the conversation goes south.
I definitely think it's important to talk through the things that bother you because if he keeps rejecting you and you stop talking you will eventually start to resent him and create distance in your marriage. It wouldn't be bad to evaluate what types of things bother you and choose your battles, so to speak. It's also important when communicating your concerns that you don't go in trying to win an argument but to really understand where he is coming from. I'm not sure what types of things bother you, so it's hard to understand where the issue lies in your conversations, but there are ways to communicate when the goal is to make your bond stronger. If you are looking for reassurance due to insecurities, I would put that in the category of needing to work on yourself because those types of conversations can wear a person down and cause resentment on the other end.
My husband and i had a similar problem. He would shut down when i tried to talk to him and then id just get more aggressive. But i changed gears and I started asking him first if he felt he could respond to what i had to say. I would tell him it was something that was very important to me but if he felt he couldnt respond then i would wait another day. And i would give him a time limit; 15 minutes or 30 minutes at the max.
Try coming up with a compromise so both of you get your needs met. its important that he feels his boundaries are respected and that he's not just being bombarded by overwhelming emotions.
wait until there is no "issue" and you are both in a relatively good mood and then discuss the communication style in your relationship. ask him how he prefers to discuss problems, difficulties, etc... give him your opinion and try to find some common ground.
wait until there is no "issue" and you are both in a relatively good mood and then discuss the communication style in your relationship. ask him how he prefers to discuss problems, difficulties, etc... give him your opinion and try to find some common ground.
One thing I have found is there are 1001 ways to communicate with each other. Not everyone can communicate the same way or have it as effective. You two need to find what works for the both of you and use it. Try every way to communicate until you find one that works well. For a few they like to handle "real" stuff face to face since body language is so important in solving the issues. Your husband might like face to face for that reason.
Advice please
