is my husband mentally ill?

HappyClappy · 12-09-2010, 04:53 AM

My H is 35, he's had a lot of childhood trauma, but now as an adult, he has no friends. I try to make new friends, our son is 4, we need to have friends around, to have fun, share parenting etc. But all people seem to distance themselves after they meet him. I don't know why. I noticed once, I introduced him to someone highly respectable, intelligent, and who has been generous and kind to me during my course, my H didn't even shake hands or say respond when the man said: nice to meet you. I nearly died of embarrassment. I now scared to introduce him to people, when he has a day off and offers to drive our son to school, I insist on going incase he shows some horrid signs to the teacher and she starts to dislike us. My H has anger issues about his past, which he takes out on us, when I try to discuss something, he looses his temper and self control, he screams with such a rough and frightening voice, sometimes he breaks plates and throws objects. he keeps a job really well and works hard, but I'm always afraid it will go wrong, I think he survives on the approval of his employer and works hard to earn the attention and compliments, which means if anything goes wrong, he freaks out and gets really hurt and starts to hate them, it happened in a previous job, my feeling was that his supervisor got fed up of having to give approval all the time and shut that door, my H was sooooo upset and left the cp-ompany bitter and hurt. I am so afraid if he's got some kind of illness. he tells a lot of lies, he doesn't talk to me, he stares at his computer game until I remind him of what he needs to do, he doesn't shower until he stinks, he doesn't care for his teeth, he doesn't make an effort with anyone, people meet up with him once and they don't after that. he has no no sex drive whatsoever. I'm the only person he communicates with but not on deep level, just work things really. Is he mentally ill?. what shall I do? I am so unhappy with him. thank you

major misfit · 12-09-2010, 08:34 AM

I don't know if he has a "mental illness" per se. He definitely has issues. I read your other post, and I'm concerned for you and your child. This is no atmosphere to raise a child in. IF you left, and made a condition of your return that he seek counseling, you might have a shot. As it is now though, you got nothin'. I wouldn't return until I had a long talk with his therapist...that's assuming he will see one. I can practically guarantee you that without being forced to, he won't.

This man is using verbally and emotionally abusive tactics to cause you to fear him, to get his way. It's working. There are a ton of books out there about this situation. "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. In fact, if you'll check out Amazon, he has several books pertaining to domestic violence and its' cousins. I hope you'll read some of them.