How to start over when my wife doesn't want to
I have a problem in my marriage which I hope y'all can give me some advice. My goal is to get my marriage going again in a good way, but it seems like I've tried everything and nothing seems to work. Let me paint you the picture:
We've been married for 7 years, and together for 5 years before that. We have a 9 year old daughter, plus two boys which are my step-sons, they are 19 and 22. In the past the biggest problem in our relationship is that I used porn to fill in gaps in our sex life, and lied to her about it (I said I wasn't, she found out, oops!) As far as I know there has never been any infidelity, unless you count the porn, which my wife definitely does.
About a year ago, things came to a crashing halt, literally. I had a very serious motorcycle accident while she and our daughter saw the whole thing. They were driving a car behind me at the time. Spent 3 months in the hospital, etc. I really feel like I owe her my life, the phrase "I am lucky to be alive" has new and profound meaning to me, and in a lot of ways I think my luck was her doing.
Now things are sort-of back to normal. I got a new job, we moved to a new house, I can walk and do pretty much everything that normal men can.
But before the accident, things weren't good between us, and now they are worse. I sleep in the "guest room" on the floor with an inflatable mattress. She sleeps in the master bedroom. I am not welcome to sleep with her. Sex? That's funny. We had sex one time last year, that was before the accident. I can't even hug/kiss her without her acting like I'm doing something wrong.
I really do love her and I want to make this work, somehow. But I'm at my wits end, and I feel like my love for her is one-way.
Why does she even let me around, you ask? Well there are only two reasons I can think of: 1. Money. (I make a good wage, she makes some but less) 2. Fatherhood. She wants me around to do fatherhood kinda things, even though she tells me all the time that I suck as a father.
So my question to you is, how can I get this thing re-started? I am willing to do anything. Counseling is really out of the question, I've made 2 appointments which she canceled because she "was busy" and she doesn't seem interested in that. Really anything involving talking to her about it won't work. Somehow it seems like I need to slip in under the radar with changes to my life/activities which might improve things.
I appreciate any advice you can give.