Nameless

Good evening all!(I'm located in Europe)
I'm very new over here and already asking for your opinions, but I hope I won't receive your dissaproval.

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I'm relatively young adult, with not that quite much experience with relationships.

Lately I have been with one woman whom I like very much. She is not quite experienced in relationships as well. I have told her about my feelings towards her and she claims she has feelings for me too. Dissapointing part is that she hasn't said actually 'I am in love with you' or such. Instead she says 'I feel the same' when I talk about my feelings.
I guess this is not a problem, I assume that it's simply lack of experience and she being too shy.

On 10th August we went on small trip(less than 200 miles), I asked her to come with me and she came. Unfortunately I wasn't in very good mood and talked quite little. After a while I understood that I am dissapointing her and changed my behavior and also apologized in front of her.

Actually trouble seed was one situation what occured yesterday on 11th august.
We were celebrating my birthday and I sat in a chair next to her. She was more quiet than usually and I noticed her leaning away from me. Not like that wouldn't be enough she wanted to sit next to her neighbor(male, they get along nicely, but I haven't noticed any man-woman connection between then, simply being friend; or I haven't kept my eyes open. Male neighbor seems really passive and talking meanwhile woman wants to sit next to her and such) who was at the party as well. So basicly I got woman I really am in love with and she claims the same, but meanwhile leans away from me when I'm close to her and wishes to sit next to her neighbor.


So I would like to know and see your opinion: 1) am I jealous jerk who doesn't possibly deserve her 2) there's something going on between her and her neighbor 3) it's nothing to worry about 4) something else, explain please

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I'm sorry about the quite long and messy text, but I really hope that you will bother to give your opinions about this situation.

justean

my opinion. i actually think your giving of the wrong body language.
when someone who u have just met stays quiet and moody , id actually do what she did, get fed up of it and move away .
this is my woman opinion.
but i would lean away from someone that there was simply no connection with. there does not sound to be chemistry between you.
life is to short not to talk , or within a short period to be moody.
i think you need to lighten up and relax.
when i met my hubby 13 years ago, we had a laugh and argued and we were attracted to eachother.
you dont sound like you had a laugh.

Nameless

I understand that being moody and quiet was dumb move by me. And it is reasonable action from her side to be dissapointed.

So basicly she does not like me, as she leans away from me and almost has to be stopped from sitting next to other guy. On my birthday party...

I have told her about it and pretty much ended the relationship too, but now she claims that she is sad and feels hurt.

Gosh, I'm so annoyed and frustrated because she talks one thing and behaves completely opposite to her words

swedish

It's really hard to say what she may have been thinking. Based on what you've stated, I wouldn't worry too much about the incident. In the early stages of the relationship, she may just want to take things slowly, with caution. She is also probably wanting to learn more about you before she gets too attached. If she has seen you moody (everyone gets that way some of the time) she might just be looking to see if that's the real you or a once in a while thing, so good that you acknowledged and apologized. I think you need to give the relationship more time to blossom. The closer you become and the more you open up the clearer her feelings for you will be.

Nameless

Oh and I forgot to add that the 'being close to her' wasn't any kind of intimate closeness but usual sitting in next char and bit leaning towards her. It actually seemed to me that I'm huge overweight moron bastard with tuberculosis and huge smell mixture of sweat, fart and such

And his neighbor guy was so much better to sit next to. Stopping her might had been pretty difficult thing to do

BlueCreek

First off, if there was something really going on between her and this guy, do you really think she'd do it right in front of you on your birthday?

Stop guessing.

It's one of the greatest lessons you can learn. Jealousy is inherent in human nature. How you handle it shows your maturation. We assume our partners will act a certain way or respond a certain way and feel lost and confused when they don't. You don't clear up confusion by trying to guess why, so don't waste your time on that. Just tell her what you felt, why you felt. Ask her why she acted as she did and then you'll know, and you won't have to get mad and practically end the relationship over fear. Same goes for her, she should have told you why she felt like distancing herself from you that night before she did. You both need to learn to tell each other what you're feeling and not dropping hints like giving each other the cold shoulder, almost daring each other to figure it out for themselves. You want the relationship to last, give each other the tools to do so by always letting the other know how you are feeling and why, do not make each other guess.

Of course it sounds like you've already blasted her, and if she tells you she there is nothing between her and her neighbor, trust her and apologize for that, and promise that in the future you won't react without knowing what's going on with her first.

As you get older and more experienced you'll learn that the only way for relationships to last long term for each partner to be open with each other. They don't make assumptions when they're not sure, they reserve judgment and emotions until after they find out what's going on from their partner. You'll never have a solid relationship until you learn to trust your partner.

AZMOMOFTWO

Well given that I just discovered an affair between my spouse and a neighbor I could go off on that topic....I ignored all the signs because I trusted and respected him. I felt dense afterward but anyway....we're putting that behind us.

In your case, I am thinking that some how its possible you offended her. Maybe by ignoring her she felt neglected/undesirable and she's flirting with the guy to prove to you or herself she is. Its one thought, otherwise why still go out with you. Why don't you try doing something very nice for her to show how deeply you care. By her a little gift that you know would be special to her or take her someplace special. If I were in her shoes what I would like is a picnic at night someplace romantic (park, beach, etc.) and just lying back looking up at the stars (someone else suggested this on one of my posts and I thought it was a fantastic idea). If that doesn't work, you might just out and out ask her what it is.

draconis

In a new relationship a huge red flag is someone that is controling or jealous. How who you react in such a situation?

draconis

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www.myspace.com/draconis1973

justean

i just think if you chemistry was there between you, it would already have shown itself.
maybe try a little more with her. your lacking of self esteem is really not helping you and i believe this is also the effect on your down mood and instability.
now no more moodies and increase your level of communication.
talk to her again, be brave and ask her if she is interested in you.
if not, then you know you have to move on .

Nameless

Thank you for your responses, I will take it under consideration about continuing the relationship with her. Lets see and hopefully it will work out decently, or however it would be most reasonable