I feel I need to talk with someone.I'm a 20 years married woman with two beautiful example young son and daughter that actually there in the University.I dedicate my life for my family totally.That I forgot about me totally.Now I want to search myself and achieve my dreams and goal.And I think that I miss out my time.My life hasn't been easy because I got married young and I had to learn to be mother alone without help.And survive every day to have food and shelter for my kids.I feel tired,lonely and depress...
DOn't give up. My wife after 8 years of marriage and helping to raise 4 kids together decided at 30 she wanted to fulfill her dreams of college. Sept of this year she will get her first degree of college, then will look to further her education. It can be done and seeing that you have the will I know you can do it.
Thanks!Draconis and lonelyheart.Yahh just made me cry.I needed to read those words really....I needed a friend.That says to me DON'T GIVE UP.IT'S NEVER TO LATE.To give me strengh.I feel so lonely.Even thou I have a beautiful family.I think is my time to look for myself because I feel sooo lost.Is very depressing thinking that I never going to achieve my goals.That is important for me. I feel so incomplete. I'm glad for your wife Draconis. Keep on suporting her! I thought it was to late for me.I been a fighter all my life.Why can I be a fighter right now.I know I have the will but there some other issues that I have change about me...
It's my first time that I want to write one of my others issues problems that I'm trying to take it out of my heart that is afecting my life and forget.Willing and hope that somebody could help me.Well where could I start.I could start at the age 9 years old.That I started to take the role of mother and take care of my little brothers while my mother was working hard and studying to obtain here Bachler degree.Imagine me at the age of 9 taking care my little brothers.I also preparing my brothers to go to school.And after school I had to cook,clean and take care my brothers.Because my father wasn't there for us.He was in jail for many years.For something very bad he did.I did'nt knew until a day before I got married.Days before I got married my aunt told me why my father was in jail.She sad that he violated me at the age of 5.And I didn't remember the incident.At the same time my sister says to me that she also pass thru the same thing.It was horrible.Today I can't forgive him.He is getting older and he says to forgive him.He need to be with his grandchildrens.My son and daughter miss him.And I know that they sees him when I'm not around.But I can't see him.In Newark NJ where I used to live.At the age of 10 years old.I went to the store to buy food to make the lunch for my brothers.A man took me to his car and violated me.I was crying and worried that he could kill me and did'nt want to leave my little brothers alone.Because it was my responsibility to take care of them.After the incident my mother change tuor me.She didn't hug me when I wanted her support.I felt that I did something wrong.I talk with my friends and they said that it was better that he had kill me.Even thou everything that happen to me I forgive my mother and kept on taking care of my brothers and she had her bachler degree and had a better job.I felt glad for her and that our situation could be better for me and my brothers.After years I don't wanted to have friends.I always was alone.My father got out of jail when I was like 14 years old.My mother decide to send me to PR.With my father.The seperation of my brothers was very dificult for me that I cried for months.I stayed with my grandmother and there pass some incident that I ignore what happen with my father that I realize now.My mother came to PR and I decided to be near my brothers I cried so much.I kept helping my mother.When I graduated in high school as a honor student my mother didn't went to see me on graduation date.Nobody I felt bad without the support of her.Which I support her my complete chilhood.My mother always was and is a cold person.I think that because her life wasn't easy for her.And also for me it was'nt easy.Maybe I think that's why I got married too young and had kids to young.I needed her suport to achieve my goals.Which now is so dificult for me because I feel lost...and very depressing.
I am so sorry for all you've been through. You have had some very traumatic experiences. Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. You've made it this far and im sure you can achieve your goals.
Awhile ago when i was watching Oprah there was a lady named Martha Beck on. She is also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Here is her website: Martha Beck life coach, columnist, and author.
Also you may want to google 'sexual abuse support forums' and anxiety support forums. There will be people there with similar experiences and more helpful advice for you.
If anyone deserves to put themselves first, it's you. I'm sorry you were robbed of your childhood and innocence. You did all of the right things back then, but obviously were far too young to be left on your own like that and in spite of it all you have done wonderfully raising two children now at University. Now it is time for YOU...if at all possible, try to get counseling for yourself. It will help you sort through all of these past emotions so you can start enjoying your life. You deserve it.
You have grow strong for yourself and conquered much already in your life. You can be proud that you survived such a horrible ideal. You not only did well in school but your whole life you have dedicated yourself to your family. Now is the time for you to see your dreams come true. You deserve the chance.
My father was mid 40s when he went to college. He graduated.
I am inspired by people like you that get up again.
"Winners are losers that got up to give it one more try."
Thanks for ljtsend for your preocupation support and adviced I know it will be helpful for me.I never been in counseling but I know that I need to go because my depressing it getting worst as the days past by.Thanks also for swedish for your preocupation and your words it mark my heart.I know that I need time for me thats why I feel that I'm lost because I have to look for myself now! Draconis you know something your words touch real down my soul I dont know why!When I started reading it touch me that makes me cry.I think your send by God to be our Angel. Thanks for your words it inspire me.
I been a warrior fighter since chilhood I been trou a lot things.That now I feel very tired I just want to get away sometimes.Recently I can't sleep.I don't fixed myself.I left my job of years.I gain weight.I don't want to go out of my house nor see my family.I hate that somedody take pictures of me.I feel that I'm horrible.But last week I was seeing our album family and I noticed that I wasn't there if like that I don't exist in this world.I felt sad because I missing out my life.Inclusive my daughter notice that something was wrong because I didn't let her put pictures of me in myspace.She ask me that why? and I don't say nothing to her.I just walk away.The worst problem that I have now is that I hate having sex with my husband I dont feel nothing no emotion tour him.Nothing!I think he doesn't notice.He doesn't notice my problems because most of the time his out working the whole week.He comes late at night.Mostly the time he falls asleep.Don't have time to talk. All this problems I know is affecting me.I want to change this and stop!And search for my dreams.But I need help!Because I can't alone. That's why?I enter this forum in search of real friends to help me out. Even thou all my storms I have 2 people that I love and give me strengh to keep on living is my daughter and son.I think God bless me with them because if they don't existed I don't know what it could been my life.I think worst.They don't know nothing about my past nor my problems.I want to keep it like this because I don't want them to suffer.There happy and I want to keep it that way.
Your dvotion to your family is something to admire. You have sacroficed a great deal to make sure your familt didn't need anything else. But there is one more thing you need to do for them.
Gain back who you are.
You seem more then just depressed. Recently I was too. I suffer from MD one that has no cure and nothing to make me better. I felt sorry for myself, because what I have is so rare that about 5000 people in the world have. No one would or could understand.
Then I started to come out. I looked for every doctor willing to try to find anything no matter how small to help me. I changed my diet. Took suppliments. Started to work out. I was seeing a reg doctor, 2 specialists, a dietian, a physical therapist, and a psychologist plus a trainer and messauge(sp) therapist. I went from 220 to 180 in six months eating a high carb diet (which I need for the type of MD I have.) I pulled myself up.
Now it is your turn. You might not see the light right off. But the benefits of the gym at any age is good for you. It will not only help how you look, but how you feel about yourself and others. Maybe your sex drive will come back.
If you are religious then get back to church, or crack open that sacred book. God has given you the time to raise a family well. Now he has given you the time you always wanted for yourself. Use it.
Get back to college even if it is one or two classes a week. You are a smart cookie. That book worm you were will come back to you. My friends joked with me because I studied with my wife for all of her classes. Maybe your husband will too, or your children or someone else you meet there.
DOn't be afraid to make new friends at the gym, church, and college. You have spent so much time and energy in the house now you can have that time for yourself. Find people to talk too, hang out with and be friends (have fun!)
Try to communicate with your husband. Even if he is bad at it. Maybe you can teach him the importance of talking to his wife. Maybe a stronger relationship with him will help you get some confidence. But never let anyones negative view hold you back.
Most of all have fun.
Many of the feelings you are having do point to depression. I'm sure with your children off to college, it has probably left you feeling lonely and without purpose (the empty-nest syndrome). On the other hand, you have recognized that this is your time to follow your own dreams.
Draconis has given you some great advice...going to the gym or getting into some sort of exercise routine will help you in many ways. It will give you energy and make you feel better after each workout. It will improve your self-esteem as you start to see results. It will make you feel more in control of your life in a positive way. It will definitely help your sex drive if you get a handle on the depression.
Right now it all may feel very confusing with your past resurfacing and your hopes/dreams seem jumbled or unreachable but maybe starting to write in a journal will help you sort out your thoughts. In some ways it can help to get one thought out on paper and get it out of the jumbled thoughts in your mind and eventually it's easier to sort out what you need to do.
I always thought God will only give you as much as you can handle and if that is true YOU ARE ONE STRONG LADY!!!
I want to send a big hug to my two angels Draconis and Swedish for guidant my way to look for myself.I need to come out.I had to talk with somebody to take out my problems out that been haunting me throu years.It has'nt been easy for me.I thought that I was going to explode.I need to pulled myself up.But its hard for me at this moment.I always been a strong woman but this time I can't handle Me alone.I feel very grateful and lucky because your both here for me.I know that all the adviced that your giving me is straight from your hearts.Draconis thanks! For sharing me your story.You make me realize that no matter how hard my problems are I should look for help.And have will to try to look for something to help myself.Thanks!for being honest to me and understanding me.Thanks!For letting me know that I'm special that I can be admired.I really needed a friend.I will keep your adviced in hand and try to help myself.Thanks! For simply being here for me and for my forums friends.Your very special !I never going to forget you.You always going to be my friend.God Bless you and family.May God cherish you with lots of love in your family.
Swedish Thanks!Your right I'm passing throu a depression and now it got worst because my babies are adults, now off to college.They have ther own world and decisions.They fly away from the nest and live there lives.It's not easy for me because I feel that I don't have a purpose to keep on with my life and it also makes me feel alone.I love my babies but I have to let them go.So they could grow up as an adult.Now I realize that I made a great a job.My children are a good example of my sacrifice.I feel very happy for me for the first time in my life.I know that is my time to look for my dreams to complete myself as a woman.I need is to pulled myself up.And put my thoughts together like you said.Great adviced write down my thoughts in a journal.And write down What I want in my life?Maybe someday when I ACHIEVE MY DREAMS..I will write a book to help others and inspired others like you and Draconis did to me.Thanks!For letting me know that I'm special and a strong Lady,it's inspire me.Thanks!For letting me know that your there for me.Thanks! for being honest and understanding me.I really needed a friend.I will keep your adviced in hand and try to help myself.Thanks! For simply being here for me and for my forums friends.Your very special !I never going to forget you.You always going to be my friend.God Bless you and family.May God cherish you with lots of love in your family.You and Draconis makes a great team.I admired both of you in helping others.I'm glad that this page forum exist because I see it as a open light door for the last hope.I promise to keep the adviced in mind of both of you and try to handle myself.But If I fall I know that yah going to be there for me.I will keep in touch with you my friends if you don't mind.My goal is going to be your goal you'll see......
you have been through that. the best part of your character is - your a fighter , u always have been .
your the winner in the end and no one can ever take that away from you.
i certainly have not been through what you have been through. but i have been through alot. but even in your situation - there is always someone worse of than you.
well, thats how i look at it.
believe me if i could take away everything bad in this world, then i would and i really feel your pain.
but im a fighter to. your life has not been an easy one, but through those unfortunate experiences, your life and words can help someone else.
your a very strong person.
I feel lonely and depresse........
Re: I feel lonely and depresse........
my brothers to go to school.And after school I had to cook,clean and take care my brothers.Because my father wasn't there for us.He was in jail for many years.For something very bad he did.I did'nt knew until a day before I got married.Days before I got married my aunt told me why my father was in jail.She sad that he violated me at the age of 5.And I didn't remember the incident.At the same time my sister says to me that she also pass thru the same thing.It was horrible.Today I can't forgive him.He is getting older and he says to forgive him.He need to be with his grandchildrens.My son and daughter miss him.And I know that they sees him when I'm not around.But I can't see him.In Newark NJ where I used to live.At the age of 10 years old.I went to the store to buy food to make the lunch for my brothers.A man took me to his car and violated me.I was crying and worried that he could kill me and did'nt want to leave my little brothers alone.Because it was my responsibility to take care of them.After the incident my mother change tuor me.She didn't hug me when I wanted her support.I felt that I did something wrong.I talk with my friends and they said that it was better that he had kill me.Even thou everything that happen to me I forgive my mother and kept on taking care of my brothers and she had her bachler degree and had a better job.I felt glad for her and that our situation could be better for me and my brothers.After years I don't wanted to have friends.I always was alone.My father got out of jail when I was like 14 years old.My mother decide to send me to PR.With my father.The seperation of my brothers was very dificult for me that I cried for months.I stayed with my grandmother and there pass some incident that I ignore what happen with my father that I realize now.My mother came to PR and I decided to be near my brothers I cried so much.I kept helping my mother.When I graduated in high school as a honor student my mother didn't went to see me on graduation date.Nobody I felt bad without the support of her.Which I support her my complete chilhood.My mother always was and is a cold person.I think that because her life wasn't easy for her.And also for me it was'nt easy.Maybe I think that's why I got married too young and had kids to young.I needed her suport to achieve my goals.Which now is so dificult for me because I feel lost...and very depressing.
