Hey everyone! Ok please no mean comments or anything because I am doing this to get advise to try and better myself. I have never cheated on my husband and never will. But my problem is talking to other guys. Telling them yes I would hook up with them even though I know in my mind and heart, even though it would be "fun", I would actually never do it. And I know this is wrong and it eats me up and I TRY TRY TRY hard to stop I really do but once I get rid of one then another one from before pops up and for some reason I just can't tell them to buzz off. I'm feeling really horrible about it and I need help stopping. My husband and I do not have the perfect marriage so when I get upset I just do this. I don't want to anymore it is so wrong and I hate myself for it. Any advice? Please no rude comments thank you!
First you can just stop this behavior. All the attention and flirting you do with other men can be better put to use on your husband. In the end you are making a bad situation worse because everytime something bad happens instead of working to fix it you use that time and energy for a glimmer of selfish indulgence, and because that energy is used for yourself and not in or for your relationship it takes away from it.
Ask how you'd feel if your husband did the same, or found out, or thought you went through with any or all of these.
I know I did think about those things which is why I'm trying to stop. I know it is selfish. I thought about lots of things! And every time I think I'm going to just ignore someone.. something stops me. I have been able to let go of one but the other one it's like I just can't let go of. Which is why I'm here. Thank you for replying!
Been there, done that. It was like a game, almost. See if I "still had it". And like you, I felt bad about it, but the attention I was getting made me feel good (at the time). I never in a million years thought I would act on any of it, but I did, and now I am paying the price. We are separated.,
If you know that things in your marriage can be improved, please *please* use the energy you use to flirt to fix things with your husband. It's not too late for you. I wish you luck.
Been there, done that. It was like a game, almost. See if I "still had it". And like you, I felt bad about it, but the attention I was getting made me feel good (at the time). I never in a million years thought I would act on any of it, but I did, and now I am paying the price. We are separated.,
If you know that things in your marriage can be improved, please *please* use the energy you use to flirt to fix things with your husband. It's not too late for you. I wish you luck.
Great advise that I should have also said. Sometimes you never intend to act on something but the more times you put yourself in a situation the harder it is to always remain straight on the path. No everyone that flirts or is in your situation cheats, but most people that cheat never really intended to either.
Been there, done that. It was like a game, almost. See if I "still had it". And like you, I felt bad about it, but the attention I was getting made me feel good (at the time). I never in a million years thought I would act on any of it, but I did, and now I am paying the price. We are separated.,
If you know that things in your marriage can be improved, please *please* use the energy you use to flirt to fix things with your husband. It's not too late for you. I wish you luck.
Thank you actually this is very helpful just knowing someone else has been through it and I am going to stop thank you! Oh and BTW sorry if this isn't actually how to reply I'm not sure how just yet.
Thank you actually this is very helpful just knowing someone else has been through it and I am going to stop thank you! Oh and BTW sorry if this isn't actually how to reply I'm not sure how just yet.
Great advise that I should have also said. Sometimes you never intend to act on something but the more times you put yourself in a situation the harder it is to always remain straight on the path. No everyone that flirts or is in your situation cheats, but most people that cheat never really intended to either.
draconis
So do you think I should just tell them not to bother me anymore or just block them or what? For some reason it's like I care about his feelsing which I shouldn't I should care about my marriage and my husbands feelings which I have considered and do care now which is why I am stopping but it's like I just don't want to hurt the other person.
Tell them that while you felt at the time that flirting was fun, that you respect your marriage more and they need not consider you anything but a casual friend, but do not go out of your way to contact them or take contacts with them. If one passes by you in the store and says hi, just say hi back.
You haven't hurt your relationship at this point, so you really can save it if that is your goal.
The next thing I would look into is why you wanted this attention and what the marriage was/is missing.
Tell them that while you felt at the time that flirting was fun, that you respect your marriage more and they need not consider you anything but a casual friend, but do not go out of your way to contact them or take contacts with them. If one passes by you in the store and says hi, just say hi back.
You haven't hurt your relationship at this point, so you really can save it if that is your goal.
The next thing I would look into is why you wanted this attention and what the marriage was/is missing.
draconis
Thank you Draconis you have helped me greatly! And I am going to better my marriage.. I AM!
You can try telling them that you need to stop the communication before you destroy your marriage, and then do something else, ANYTHING, except go online to chat with them. It will not be easy. I felt the same way. Why was I so worried about what *they* thought and not what my husband thought. I can see that was really twisted thinking now, but at the time, I couldn't see out of what I was doing. If these are guys online, I say just block them all and find something else to do besides go online.
I really wish I had someone tell me to just knock it off when I was in the middle of it all.
In serious need of help!!
Re: In serious need of help!!
