So I've been "hanging out", dating, this guy for 3 months. He recently told me that he's a virgin and he's 23. Then last weekend he told me that he has never messed around with a girl - EVER. He's only kissed 4 girls and thats as far as it went. I can tell by what he does that he's very unexperienced. He seems a little unexperienced emotionally too. He always drives to see me and we either hang out at my house or go out to eat, bowling, to the bar, etc. He's a real gentleman. I wrecked my car a month ago and was stranded with no way home and he drove an hour to get me and take me home safely.
But then when I bring up the subject of a relationship things get all weird. We've talked a few times about it. He says he likes how things are right now and wants to keep it going. We see each other about 2- 3 times a week. But it seems like he has a problem with intimacy (obviously since hes a 23 yr old virgin). Sometimes he doesn't even want to kiss me and I'm like why won't you kiss me? And he says he doesn't want me to feel like this is something we have to do alll the time and then he doesn't want me getting dissapointed if it doesn't happen. He says he really cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also came over to my house last weekend whenever my cat died because he knew i was upset.
Is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Should I run as fast as I can? Or should I stick it out with him and see where it leads? Its really frustrating because he gives me so many mixed signals. When it seems like things are going really good and progressing well - all of a sudden he slams on the brakes.
Two of my best friends where 20 before they lost their virginity. It isn't to uncommon. Because he saved himself you can mold him to fit you better. But I thonk the real issue is communication in the relationship and it is about time that you have a real heart to heart and tell him how important kissing, hugging, cuddling and touching are to you.
Well, I was a 25 yr old virgin when I met my wife. I'd had girlfriends and had fooled around a bit, I had the opportunity with several, but was never really in love until I met my wife so never went all the way because I've always wanted to save myself for the woman I knew I wanted to marry. I also took it really slow with my wife when we were dating, perhaps because I was a bit timid, a bit over worried about how good I might be and so worried that she knew I was a gentleman and a good guy. Of course the flood gates opened once we did make love and I couldn't get enough. 10 years later I still can't get enough of her.
So run the other way? Why on earth would you? Would you rather have a guy that's all over from you from the beginning and a "typical guy" or someone that takes it slow, is inexperienced and perhaps a bit shy and timid about those things, yet treats you like a real gentleman should.
You're not marrying the man yet, you have plenty of time to figure out if he will open up to you physically and fulfill your needs in that area, but if the man is treating you like you want to be treated in any other area, give him some time.
Of course, there's no reason you can't talk to him about this yourself. In fact, as draconis said, you should. I was worried about what acceptable when I was dating my wife and I was too inexperienced for a time to know how to talk about it. If you have the experience, sit him down. Tell him what you like, what you welcome and are hoping from him, and tell him he doesn't need to worry about being a gentleman so much (within any guidelines you do have of course) when it comes to your physical relationship.
I met my soon to be husband when i was 22 and he was a 23 yro virgin. I thought it was sweet (i was also a virgin). but I didnt recognize the issues with intimacy. He never seemed like he even wanted to touch me and always kept his distance. i thought he was just nervous or something. well turns out he was heavily in to pornography.
If your boy has issues with intimacy now, he will always have those issues. My H still has a hard time with it. In all other areas he is a really good guy. Likes your guy, my H is very caring and sweet. So you have to weight the good with the bad and decide what you can handle. All relationships will have issues. Its just something you work on and decide together if you can handle each other's problems.
Posts: 2 He also has told me that he's done more with me than any other girl he hangs out with. He never cuddles with then, holds hands, hugs, etc- but he does all this with me. The most that we've done is I've given him handjobs and he's played with my boobs.
I also met his dad last weekend when I went to his house for the first time. I live in my own apartment and he usualyl just comes to my place. He always tells me I'm pretty, or hot and things like that. I went to his bball games the past 2 weeks.
All of his friends think I'm his girlfriend and they think I'm a good catch for him and he should go for it. But I'm not really sure thats what he's thinking.
He also said that he has dated a few girls recently but always finds flaws in them that are deals breakers - like an ex heroin addict, and a girl who got depressed adn dropped off the face of the earth. So I asked him what the flaw was in me taht he found and he said there isn't any.
When we're together I feel like his gf alot of the tiem - he pays for me. We hold hands if we're out and about, etc. And its nice that he pays for me because I know he doesn't have a lot of money - he's having trouble finding a job in broadcasting which is what he went to school for.
So I asked him what the flaw was in me taht he found and he said there isn't any.
That says a lot. He thinks of you as a girlfriend. He is in the love is blind stage! I think I'd give him a little more time. He could just be a "diamond in the rough".
Have you seen the movie, "The 40 Year Old Virgin"? Your post could be a script from the movie!
The fact that he resits kissing you at times is worrying. Also, you said you gave him handjobs - presumably he was erect and came to orgasm. But you did not say if he did the equivalent for you.
I think he is scared of intimacy with women, and if you marry him, you may be in for a huge let-down.
I would not go any further without talking about it with him. If he is not comfortable with that, then your warning lights should be flashing.
I know certain types will not agree with me, but this is the sort of man who could benefit from an older more experienced woman who could help sooth away his insecurities.
It's a common human mistake to think you can find someone who ticks all the boxes but one, and "change" them. Change can happen, but only when the person is ready.
It's best to find someone who displays everything you want now, rather than someone who seems to have potential. A lot of people die before realising their full potential. Especially if it is fear that is holding them back. Sad but true.
Let him know that he can still be a gentleman while out on the town but a bf when you ar together. That if you want a future relationship that touch is important to you. Cuddling, hugging and kiss are all important things in a relationship. It keeps you close and bonds you two.
He's a 23 year old Virgin
