General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My partner and I were in the car and I was getting nervous about him spilling his drink, I was nagging him to please watch the drink and I grabbed it to put it in the holder but it spilled all over his crotch. (hot capple cider). He got real mad and screamed at my "oww, you F* B****, what the F* is your problem!" Then he pulled over and got out of the car and slammed the door hard and continued to be angry for about 15 min. Would this be considered abuse or an appropriate reacion given the situation? (he was not burned).
i would have been pissed if you grabed a hot drink out of my hand while i was driving and it spilled on my girly parts.i would have cussed up a storm.
i think he did what he did out of pain and anger.
NEVER nag while someone is driving,my mom use to nag me while i drove because she was a nerves nelly and if i was going to have an accident,her nagging me would have been the cause.
In the context of that exchange, there is no abuse. What happened is called anger. Was his response inappropriate? Maybe, but it certainly wasn't abusive.
Nope. Not abuse. Of course calling me a f*****g b***h wouldn't have flown well either.
You were afraid that he was going to spill the cider, so you grabbed the cup and did exactly what you were afraid he was going to do. Don't try to control him. If HE spills the cider, HE is the one burned. HE also gets to clean up the mess. You gotta give up the control. He's a big boy, right? Treat him like one.
My partner and I were in the car and I was getting nervous about him spilling his drink, I was nagging him to please watch the drink and I grabbed it to put it in the holder but it spilled all over his crotch. (hot capple cider). He got real mad and screamed at my "oww, you F* B****, what the F* is your problem!" Then he pulled over and got out of the car and slammed the door hard and continued to be angry for about 15 min. Would this be considered abuse or an appropriate reacion given the situation? (he was not burned).
Maybe next time you could just ask him politly to please use the cup holder before he spills his drink. and then let him do as he pleases.
It almost sounds like you verbaly abused him he did not listen to you so you grabbed his drink. I would be mad also more because you took it apon yourself to correct behavior you didn't like.
I'm not trying to be mean here, but why did you feel the need to nag him about his drink in the first place? He's a grown man, right? And let's say he DID spill the drink - would it have been the end of the world? I mean, it CAN be cleaned up. I have found that nagging about most things generally isn't worth it.
Yeah - I likely would have reacted just about the same way.
In the context of that exchange, there is no abuse. What happened is called anger. Was his response inappropriate? Maybe, but it certainly wasn't abusive.
I'm more curious why you are asking?
I asked because i wasnt sure, i was telling my mom about it and she thought it was abuse but i thought more of it being my fault. I tend to nag him a lot about things and need to reasses when i am in the wrong more often i think. i did the same thing the other night, started nagging him that he wasnt helping me enough, then i got mad and threw his shirt on the floor, then he got pissed and was shouting at me. i guess i need to control myself more.
I have to agree to vthomeschoolmom here. I would also say that if nagging and shouting are how you guys are communicating, then you guys need to seriously work on your communication skills - because you really aren't communicating.
Men - when nagged at - will mentally shut down and won't hear a word you're saying - so you may as well just give that up, cause it's not working for you.
Women, when yelled at, often shut down or go on the defensive - so that's not going to work for him.
I'm not trying to be mean here, but why did you feel the need to nag him about his drink in the first place? He's a grown man, right? And let's say he DID spill the drink - would it have been the end of the world? I mean, it CAN be cleaned up. I have found that nagging about most things generally isn't worth it.
Yeah - I likely would have reacted just about the same way.
Yeah, I know i was an a** for nagging, i was just nervous becuase every time were in the car, he spills his drink all over the place but this time I was just as bad!
Well, it sounds like both of you need better self control.
Scale back the nagging and he might not be so reactive.
No, his words weren't nice. And no, it's not mature to throw his shirt and yell if he doesn't like what you say.
But try to focus on what YOU can control.
Can you let something go? Can you refrain from nagging? Give it a real try, and see if your interactions calm down too.
Believe me, I'm trying to take my very own advice right now too, and although it's hard, it is helpful. Posted via Mobile Device
nagging will kill a relationship. you need to learn this asap. it probably has a lot to do with him getting pissed so easily.
I just looked up definition of nagging -
nag 1 (ng)
v. nagged, nag·ging, nags
v.tr.
1. To annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging.
2. To torment persistently, as with anxiety or pain.
lol
Would you consider this abuse? 
