cuddlybear

I've always loved watching 'Desperate Housewives', but never ever thought one day I'd be cheating on my husband.

I have a perfect marriage. It's been 6 years, but my husband still treats me like a princess, showered me with affection, compliments and love. I didnt need anything or anyone else.

One day, this guy came along. We met at a local gym. It started with exercise chit-chat. He told me about his wife, his 2 years old son, his 4 months old baby, his life. It was an innocent friendship.

Then we started texting each other, just about general stuffs, like "how's work?" "ru coming to gym tonight?" etc. but slowly it was moving towards flirting, and all of a sudden I was addicted to his text messages.

In just the past 6 weeks, it has developed into more than just a friendship. We're kinda seeing each other behind our partners back, and we're sleeping together. I have strong feelings for him, and so does he. He's only together with his wife for the sake of the kids, but I love my husband dearly, still.

I am loving 2 men at the same time...
I dont want to tell my husband, because I dont want to hurt him, and I cant imagine life without him and our 2 y.o daughter. but at the same time.. I cant stop seeing this 'gym guy'.

Why is it wrong to love 2 men at the same time?...
Is anyone on the same boat?
What do you do?....

MarkTwain

Just out of interest... are you still having sex with hubby as frequently as before? (assuming it was frequent).

Amplexor

Sorry you won’t get any sympathy from me. Your actions are messing up the lives of your husband, your daughter, his wife, his two children and ultimate you. You stated you had the perfect marriage and yet you stepped away from it for no good reason. Your husband deserves better as he has treated you as a princess and apparently the love of his life. That’s too bad, he should have someone who acts towards him in a similar manner. My advice, dump TOM and work on your marrage.

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

ljtseng

Its wrong because of what it will do to the children and the other people involved. Its fun right now because no one has to suffer the consequences of your actions. But once its out in the open, and eventually it will be, things will get ugly and you will be to blame. Your children will suffer. His children will suffer.

I was kind of in the same boat in the beginning of my marriage but chose to drop all contact with TOM. It was hard. Especially because at the time my H did not want sex with me.

You're going to have to let your mind rule your heart for awhile. Think of your kids. Think of what this will do to their lives. Think of what this will do to your H. This will destroy you. Will you really feel comfortable with a man who is currently cheating on his wife? Don't you think you'll wonder if he's going to do the same thing to you when you're no longer the fun thing of the moment? You dont want to end this because of the high you are experiencing. That's all it is. You had the same high with your H once im guessing. Once the high wears off you'll be right back where you started. But you'll leave a disaster of pain in your path. Its not worth it. You chose to love TOM, you can chose to love your family and your H above this high. What you are doing with TOM start doing with H. Your heart will change directions if your mind does.

ljtseng

Oh and maybe you should stop watching desperate housewives

Chris H.

TV shows frequently make light of things like infidelity, which causes long-term pain in the lives of all of those involved.

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Triton

I am not saying that it is right, but that guy is smart. First, he got to know ya-then he found out you are married , and let you know he is married. What a "Player ". He knows you can't be calling him all hours -you got a hubby. Plus, he can't call you. I am sure he is "Socking it to ya !". He has no respect for ya - Just treating you like something off a porn . His wife probably won't take that treatment either. Also, he just about know you are clean with STDs.You are just his little -Tramp

draconis

Chances are the gym Guy is USING YOU. Is his marriage really just about the kids? Have you asked his wife if she feels the same way.

You realize that if he would cheat on his wife he could easily cheat on you too. What happens if he does give you a STD?

How perfect would your husband treat you if he found out? Is it worth that type of risk? Are you willing to lose it all?

draconis

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www.myspace.com/draconis1973

swedish

You can love as many men as you want if all parties agree to it, otherwise it is wrong because of the hurt you will eventually cause others.

Since you took vows of a monogamous marriage with your husband and are secretly seeing another man, I think you know already that it's wrong. I agree with AMP.

If you cannot bring yourself to be only with your husband and if you are bored, etc. to take the initiative to spice up your marriage and keep your attention within your marriage, it's just plain unfair to your husband.

You love your husband, but this other guy is exciting and new. If it's exciting and new that you want, you should not be in a marriage, you should just perpetually date.

Would it be wrong if your husband met a woman at the gym and started sleeping with her on the side?

BadKittyNo

" Why is it wrong to love 2 men at the same time?..."
There is nothing wrong about loving two men at the same time. What is wrong is the deception of going behind your husband's back in order to do so. And it's also wrong to enable/assist your lover in going behind his wife's back as well.


" Is anyone on the same boat? "
Yes


" What do you do?.... "
I did not go behind anybody's back. My boyfriend was not married or in a committed relationship when we met and became friends. When we realized that there was an attraction and level of chemistry there that went beyond friendship, I talked it over with my husband and got his consent and blessing to persue a romantic relationship. Nobody was decieved, all concerned knew exactly what was going on and what the boundaries were as to what would not go on, and we were all accepting and comfortable with the situation.


Love doesn't justify deception. In fact, I personally believe that you can't have both and have it work out. Part of love is caring about what is truly best for your partner and not what is best for yourself. If the situation were to blow up in your lover's face, he would at the very least have to deal with the anger, betrayal, and sadness his wife would feel upon finding out. At worst, it could throw his whole life into turmoil with a bitter divorce and custody/child support battle in the courts. By staying in a relationship with him behind his wife's back, you are putting him at risk of either of those outcomes.

And then there is your husband to consider (who stands to be hurt worse since he is the one who shares his home and life with you). And the kids who stand to lose the most. It's not just about you and your lover, it is about several people who all could be badly hurt by this relationship. Love isn't selfish, you have to do what is right for the people you love, even if it is not what you want.

But from personal experience, I can tell you that the only way anything like this can work out and grow into a fulfulling and committed relationship is if all parties involved know exactly what is going on and have given their consent and blessing.

MarkTwain

Good for you! you bad bad kitty Mmmmm

kjc

What you are doing is not right. Yes is does happen to other people. You are not only hurting your marriage, you are hurting his marriage and his and your kids. You need to break all contact with person. Get back to what should be first in your life and that is your husband and kid. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

justean

[quote=kjc;13643]What you are doing is not right. Yes is does happen to other people. You are not only hurting your marriage, you are hurting his marriage and his and your kids. You need to break all contact with person.

i agree with the above - you have to let the other bloke go.

in the long run u wil only end up with more sorrow.

and your hubby might eventually find out n e way.
they usually do and u end up with nothing,
you have to be realistic - stop living the fantasy world.

michzz

You are hurting your husband every day you cheat and do not stop the deception. You think the "hurt" will only come when you reveal the truth to him of your infidelity?

You are wrong. What you are doing is really awful.

You are not an innocent here, unable to stop the path you are on. Of course you can stop having sex with that man!

It is your choice to continue on this path of destroying your marriage.

If you think hearing about polyamory or how a woman can love more than one man based on on tv shows will ease your guilt, then you are confused.

Ask your husband if he thinks it is a good idea for his wife, the mother of his children, the woman he took a vow of fidelity with is sleeping with another man.

His answer is all you need to know if what you are doing is "love" for her husband and another man.

Wake up! You are ruining your marriage.

kjc

yes he will find out. he may not be expecting something right now, but he will eventually. end it now before it gets too out of control. beside you don't want to leave your husband on a wim with someone else.