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Old 08-16-2008, 12:16 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need Advice To Save Marriage

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Originally Posted by draconis View Post
Funny thing is you have given the same advice, the same way.



Which is my point.

draconis
That's very clever of you. But we are talking about abuse not just a bad marriage. Big difference if you can acertain that.
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Old 08-16-2008, 12:59 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need Advice To Save Marriage

i wil take a back seat then and admit , things sound more than what i felt from your thread.
i deeply apologise .
but again ppl have different views. we dont live eachothers lives.
i am grateful that you responded the way u did.
i hope things work out. i really do.
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Old 08-16-2008, 01:11 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need Advice To Save Marriage

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She then told me that if I leave for even a minute on the holidays, she would make everybody’s lives a living hell and make sure that our children remember how horrible the holidays were.
As far as I am concerned, that statement is proof that she is controlling to the point that she threatens to make the children suffer in order to get what she wants.

On the point that brad and draconis seem to be a loggerheads over, concerning domestic violence and gender, I have a story. I had a gf who used to punch me. Sometimes I would hold her wrists, sometimes I just let her hit me, I never felt too worried because I was stronger than her. So for me, the fighting was optional.

Usually the man is stronger than the woman. Unless she arms herself with knives, rolling pins or crockery, a man can just get up and walk out the door, even while he is still being hit.

So whereas, such a man might choose to stay, and try to get his wife to seek help, a woman is best advised to leave before she get physically damaged. So that is why I am against being PC! It covers up the practical issues. Men and women are equal, but not in the same areas. On average, men are superior physically, women are superior sexually, to name just two areas.

I do worry that this woman might up the ante and use a knife. I think this is a very serious situation. Having not been firm with her thus far, you are going to seem like a changed man. I would proceed with caution, but firmness is the answer I believe - whether you stay or leave.

Last edited by MarkTwain; 08-16-2008 at 03:59 PM.
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Old 08-16-2008, 03:12 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need Advice To Save Marriage

Stephen,

Since your wife has agreed to go for marriage counseling, you should start there. She seems, among other things, to be suffering from low self-esteem. She is very unsure of herself. Even though you love her, she feels neglected. That's why she is forcing you to choose between her and your family (and friends).
The earlier you seek for help, the better. Your marriage counselor may first see you separately and then together. That way it will be easier for the counselor to assess the root cause of the problem. If you see the counselor together (initially), your wife may not be open to discuss the problem - she may feel both of you are blaming her and then she would hit the roof and there would be no progress.

All the best,
pshalom
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Old 08-16-2008, 03:44 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need Advice To Save Marriage

pshalom-
Good point about going separately, and then together.

I feel that some of her gripes are justified, it's just that her reactions are way way over the top. Maybe she felt helpless as a child - just a guess. she has no idea about how to negotiate. she just "throws her toys out of the cot" as we say in the UK!

Last edited by MarkTwain; 08-16-2008 at 03:59 PM.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:30 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need Advice To Save Marriage

I agree with the suggestion of counciling.

Brad, MT If you wish to debate this then lets find a seperate thread to discuss this.

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