BostonRob

I have been married 14 years and have three kids. About a year ago my wife, who has struggled with her weight for years, started with a new trainer and lost 50 lbs. This inspired her to get all new clothes and certainly a new attitude.

While our sex life was always basic at best - maybe once a week - it started to go to maybe once a month and now I literally have to beg. She has said in the past that she didnt like sex, but now it seems that is on purpose and withholding. When we do have it, there is no foreplay, she keeps clothes on, and I have to "be quick". It is misery.

But my concern is the fact that she seems to want nothing to do with me. I have tried to talk to her numerous times, but we are more like roommates than husband and wife. We dont talk, other than about the kids. She never asks me how my day is or seems to care about what I do. She has her friends and likes to go out with them on Fri or Sat nights drinking. This didnt bother me at first, other than when she started to get texts from other men. I confronted her about this about 6 mos ago and she said I was paranoid and that she is not some "****ty *****". Now I check her phone regularly and there are deleted texts from different people. Some are from her girlfriends - when I know she was texting about me as I can tell from other texts she didnt delete and now she is deleting texts from a "friend" of ours who is married and his wife is a friend of hers. He is a known cheater and now he sends her a text and she responds and she deletes both.

Now I dont think she is cheating - yet. Certainly an EA with everybody but me it seems. Again, I have tried to talk to her about this and she literally leaves the room. Today, I asked about seeing a therapist and she said not now - maybe in a month or so? What the hell does that mean?

I dont want a divorce! I love my kids, cant afford to sell my house, she doesnt work, and besides - I still love her. I just want my life back. Did it all start with her losing weight? This seems to have been building for a while - maybe I have been oblivious? She has always been social and now she is hot. I dont know why she seems to have lost all interest in me - but I am so depressed and dont know how to fix this.

I know I am not the most easy guy in the world to live with - but I never hit her, provide for everything, and am a genuinely nice guy who seems to be in a no win situation. If I push this too hard, she will file for divorce - I can feel it. Maybe I am being too paranoid, but what the hell - I get no love from her - no emotional support at all - not even a kiss. Why do I have to beg for love from my wife? What the hell did I do to deserve this?

marriedyoung

This year I lost a lot of weight. Not as much as your wife, 24lbs or so. Has she been overweight for long? I put the weight on 5yrs or so ago. When you first start to look good it's amazing getting all the compliements, feeling attractive again. I think maybe that's whats happened with her, but she's gone too far and flirted back, taken things farther perhaps? It could just be that she's enjoying being attractive and being able to go out and fit it and that there's another issue as to why she won't talk to you? My husband and I had sex every 3months or so, I was practically begging. Then when I lost the weight he was all over me. I hated that! He didn't want me fat, so I didn't want him to get me thin. What if I put the weight back on? I don't know if that could be a factor here?

If you can't get her to stay long enough to listen to you have you tried writing a letter to her? Tell her how much you love her and that you miss her. Maybe try to convince her to see a councellor with you? Wish I could be more help xx Don't give up yet xx

Atholk

Married Man Sex Life: When A Woman Suddenly Loses A Ton Of Weight

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Rob774

The weight loss... it boosted her self esteem. In your own words she became hot again to you... and to others as well. My wife lost over 60 lbs, it made her into another woman on the outside, but the woman on the inside stayed the same.

She used to break you off on a regular, probably even with her not caring so much about sex, but with her being heavier, she figured she'd lose you if she didn't. Now that she is hot, she could care less if you are more upset about your frequency of sex. She feels like she is in the position of power.

The going out with the ladies bothers me. Not that women can't do this. But if we are having issues with our marriage, you need to be at home helping me fix them, not putting yourself into situaions that could only make things worse.

The receiveing texts from guys is a no-no as well. If its not big deal, than she should have no problem with you seeing them. Especially talking with the cheating guy, i'd demand to know what's up with that!!!

U shouldn't have to beg for sex or love from the person who promised to spend the rest of your life with. But if she's fallen out of love with you... then your options are indeed limited.

Sit her down... ask her if she's interested in continuing this marriage. Inform her that her actions are telling you that she is not. No BS, ask her to be upfront with you, because you don't want to play yourself for the next 6-9 months, and all of sudden she has a Dear John letter waiting for you. If she agrees for you both to seek help, have her agree to a written contract that both of you have access to the other's cell phones/FB accounts/ other social media. This won't be easy.. i feel for you man. But its better to make these rough decisions now before its too late.

MsLonely

I agree.
She wanted her confidence and security back. Big chance that there's a man in her mind. I also agree that you should be sexier. She thinks you not compatible.
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the guy

I sense that she is not going to open up and tell you what is really going on. She is covering her tracks well, but I think you need to investigate further. Once you have a clear understanding on what her activities are and can show her in black and white that you are aware of the kind of bad behahvior she is up to, then you can address repairing the marriage.

In her eyes she is doing nothing wrong, she has made you the bad guy with a bad marriage and is some how justifying her dismissive attidude. Why should she say anything to you, she has the stability and safety of you, and she has the excitement of her other life. She "gets her cake and eats it to" its called cake eating. She has a good thing going, that last thing she wants is problems. She gets to go out and get treated like a women and she goes back to you to be treated like a wife.

So again I suggest you investigate her activites and find out were she is getting her connection that validates her as a interesting and attractive women (they all need it)... the stay at home mom things is not working for her anymore. See, this is a good thing for her, face it, she has the best of both worlds, married and single( at least Fri. & Sat. nights).

Point is find out what is really going on (quitely) once you have any proof of her acting in a bad way, then you can show her and hope that she will change her ways.

For now all you will get is "we're just friend" or "its girls night out" soon she will stop coming home and you will get the "I drank to much to drive home", you will know when it's really ughly and she gets up in the middle of the night and leaves with out telling you, and the next day you get "I had to rescue a friend".

So, again get the hard evidence/ proof you need to confront her so that there is no denying it, she must admit to her bad behavior, then you can start the repairs on the marriage. Keep in mind you too will need to except your part in why she has dissmissed you and the marraige for the repairs to take hold.

Good luck in your search for what is really going on.