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falling for coworker

27K views 35 replies 26 participants last post by  Amplexor 
#1 ·
I'm married, have a good job, young daughter but ultimately got married because I felt pressured to. My mistake but we were young and I caved to pressure from family.

I do love my wife and family but our relationship has gotten very dull over the years. She's not a girly girl and never will be and I miss that from my dating days. She's a wonderful woman, we get along, we have fun together, but she probably always was better meant as a friend and not a wife. Just too many things missing from our relationship.

A coworker who I've known for 2 years and I hit it off from the beginning. We work closely together on projects so spend a lot of time together and have gotten to know each other really well. We've never had an argument, we see eye to eye on 99% of what we work on, she's fun, full of energy, intelligent, very attractive, and shows real interest in me. Whether it's work conversations or personal conversations, we just seem to connect. I'm developing a huge crush on her and feel silly saying that but it seems to be progressing further than a harmless crush. She is single and not dating anyone at the moment either.

I've been trying to be more intimate with my wife, do more with her, go on dates together without our daughter, talk with her more, and just try to work on the problem areas of our marriage. My thought is my feelings for my coworker are more what I feel I'm missing in my relationship so it's attractive.

Our marriage is doing better because of the extra effort but I continually find myself thinking of my coworker and wanting to get to work so I can interact with her, talk with her, see her. I have dreams about her and just can't get her out of my mind. She went from coworker to friend to "if I was single we'd be together" slowly over the last 2 years.

I try to find faults with her that might help me break this crush but she is so physically and intellectually attractive she's one of those 1 in a million women, I have never met anyone like her.

I don't want to hurt my wife or kids, but no matter what I seem to do I keep thinking of this other woman and can't help but wonder what life would be like with her and if I'm missing out on that "soul mate" relationship. My parents are divorced and are far happier now with their new spouses than they ever were together.

These are feelings I never felt with my wife even when we were dating.

I can't exactly quit my job or limit my interaction with her, the company is small and only so many people in each department and the economy isn't good for my line of work. It would help if she had a boyfriend but she's content being single and seems more like she's waiting for something...or someone.

I haven't talked with my wife or coworker about this. I'm afraid my coworker would reveal the same feelings for me which would really pull at my heart...or she would have the exact opposite feelings and not be understanding and then work becomes very awkward.

If I'm reading her right, she shares the same feelings as I but is being respectful of my marriage. My wife by nature worries about things and would end up worrying that I'm having an affair or would be seduced and so on.

How do you have that conversation with your wife?
I love you but I'm falling for my unmarried coworker.

Is it wise to have this conversation with my coworker? outside of work of course.
How do I have this conversation with my wife?
Do I continue to hold back the urge to say/do something and leave things be?

I'm not unhappy in my marriage, but I know in my heart it was the wrong thing to do and now I feel stuck that I'm missing out on the person I should have married (whether it be my coworker or someone else) and I have the same sorrow for my wife.

any advice would be helpful
Michael
 
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