General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My opinion is that you need your space and she needs her...My husband has his own computer and server down in the family room...He has his own friends as I have mine...I have my computer and server up in the Guest Room...I have my own passwords as he has his....I guess we just plain trust each other enough to be interested....Never even passed my mind that I should be suspect....Nor never will.....
Aye, think I gotta stop comparing in this regard heh
You are 26, correct? I think your marriage will begin to take a path on its own, most likely already is, and some of it will surprise and delight you with other things confusing and upsetting to you. If you could put a perfect marriage in a box and duplicate it we all would but since we're all so different it's near impossible.
I really don't see why it's such a big deal. the way i see marriage, there's no such thing as privacy in there. you get a life partner because you want to share your entire life with them, not parts of it.
we have common passwords for all our accounts (easy targets =D you hack into one account and you rob us of everything~) but really, who would you trust with this information if not your life partner? keeping things from each other would only lead to suspicion. i respect that you need your space and all, though. that's just us. theres no "my space" and "his space" or my bank account or his bank account. only His cinnamon roll. never share the roll.
i even share these forum posts with him, helps us both that way. privacy's overrated, man. i wouldnt like it if he claimed his, it kind of insults me as his wife.
i disagree with your idea on this...i believe that if you trust someone, you first of all- gain it, by demonstrating your trustworthy...and secondly-- you keep it, by demonstrating, your trustworthy...
if your in a long term exclusive relationship, imo there shouldnt be secrets...passwords should be shared, it keeps the trust solid, rather than sneaking around with secret passwords..all that does is lend suspicion, even if you are not doing anything wrong, things can look wrong, with certain circumstances. It is not a healthy thing to keep major things from your spouse or s.o. Like to me, you wouldnt have a secret bank account, there shouldnt be any need for hidden passwords.
i know theres two schools of thought on this,.i really think if your not doing anything covert, there shouldnt be a problem being open and transparent in your relationship.
but hiding stuff just lends itself to doubt and suspicion...a text that comes in at a late hour, even if its innocent, if your keeping your privacy, it can cause doubt. If you really have nothing to hide, imo its much healthier and makes the relationship stronger if your open and out there with stuff
Depends on the person. If she has history of insecurity, then she needs everything to be open and clear. If she doesn't, then she won't get so bothered.
No matter what you do, it is about trust, if she trusts you the way you are dealing with everything, then it is fine. If she doesn't, then there are problems, ask your wife about it. If she is bothered that you are secretive, then you have to be more open. And after you are married, if you really trust her, why do you need to be secretive?
I like the way that my husband and I are totally open about each other. I feel really comfortable in front of him because I trust him 100%. He can access to my email account and forum account, vice versa.
It has helped us through a test. In August, I was talking to people on a overseas Chinese forum, there is a sex section. I started talking about sex, and you know, Chinese are so conservative about sex, especially women, here comes a woman who talks about outdoor sex, kinky sex, and orgasms, grabbing my husband's cok when I sleep, men are just wild there. Then they start sending emails and private messages, and all these kind of thing, my husband doesn't mind it if I talk to people out on the forum, but he doesn't like private messages and emails. He found out what was going on right away since we are open about everything. I don't deny he was hurt, but he didn't become furious and throw a tantrum, he just dealt with it calmly, he understood that I got involved because I was stupid and naive. Anyway, he blocked that forum, he stopped that email account, everything cleared. And he asked me to find a different forum to go to, that's why I found TAM. Imagine, if my husband hadn't found out what had been going on, a big disaster would have happened.
Sometimes some people get involved in sh*t stuff just because of pure curiosity! If the couple is open about everything, it is easy to avoid sh*t stuff to happen, spouses are responsible for each other's conduct!
sharing passwords should never be a problem, as long as the relationship is serious and you plan on being with that person in the future. If you have nothing to hide then you should make a list of all each others passwords if thats what she wants who cares. If your such a good trustworthy guy then it shouldn't matter. Me and my partner share all our passwords and have nothing to hide, meanwhile we still get our own alone time when we need it so no one feels smothered. It sounds like you have a lot to hide even if it is just Innocent flirting or dating it may be looked upon as a form of cheating in her eyes, and it really is..
Re: Privacy... 
