Hi all,
Recently my girlfriend of almost 2.5 years broke up with me. Her reason was because she's not ready for a long term relationship yet. She wrote me a long sweet letter explaining herself. she also mentioned that when she imagines what she wants in a life partner, its exactly me, everything about me. We are still great friends and we still see eachother, part because we go to the same college.
Here's the tricky part. Im still love her so much and she loves me too. i love spending time with her because she is such a wonderful amazing person. everytime we say goodbye or hug, i can feel a longing in her embrace that says i miss you so much. sometimes when we spend time alone together, our actions get pretty intimate. for example, she was going to be alone in her apt a few nights ago and she asked if i could stay the night with her. she slept on the couch and i stayed on the floor next to her. every so often her hand would find its way down to my hair and she would start playing with it. my hand would find hers and our fingers would lock and we would squeeze with a kind of longing. nothing further than that would happen because i respect her decision, but im not so sure that she is sure she made the right decision.
i try taking my mind off her by talking to other people and girls, but whenever i get to the point where i could make a move on another girl i get sort of a physical pain inside me and i cant bring myself to do anything. the only person that i dont get uncomfortable around is her.
We've agreed that its probably not completely over for us forever, but right now all i want is her, regardless if im with her or havent seen her for a week.
If anyone has any insight to this please offer your advice. this is killing me right now and any help would be appreciated.
You need to treat what she is saying as the truth. SHe wants to go out there and see what else is out there. You might imagion that you are her perfect one but she might not. In this case it is her opinion that counts. Even if she said you where the perfect one, now isn't the time. If you stay around then either your time will be wasted, or you will feel like a fool. Enjoy your freedom. WHat we see that we think we want and desire changes as we age.
Today i sat down and thought of what i was feeling and here it is:
The only question I have been asking myself recently is why. Why are we like this? The why is not “why did you break up with me?” but “why are we denying ourselves something that makes us happy?” I saw how you interacted with me on Thursday night, and I could tell you were showing the most self-restraint I have ever seen, and so was I. I could feel it in the way your hand found my hair and how hard you squeezed my hand. It’s easier at other times to hide our feelings, but times like that are when true feelings come out. Tell me I’m wrong when I say that there are times, maybe just minutes, when all you want is to be in the nook, or spooning, or kissing, or wrapped up in my arms…
Whenever I leave from seeing you, you still say it’s so hard. The truth is I don’t think it will ever be any easier. The feelings that we have for each other will not go away. And until we discover that its us that make us happy, that pain wont stop. I always said it was painful to leave your house after a date. I would rather have that pain forever than the pain that I have when I leave your house knowing that I cant kiss you.
I want you back so much that I would do anything to try again. Being with someone else wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, and it probably would be fun……but in my heart of hearts, I know its you. I take one look around campus, and there are so many gorgeous girls everywhere, perfect 10’s by any standard. And yet, next to you, all those “perfect 10’s” are nothing. Nobody has your smile. Nobody else has your laugh or your touch. No one else has your eyes, your ears, and your toes. Nobody has your lips. If they’re 10s you are a 20. That’s why to me, there is no greater beauty than you.
Together we’ve shown each other a world of love. I want to go back to that. No one’s saying it will be easy, but I think that in the long run, when we can take endless naps together and cuddle on the couch with a blanket, we would say its worth it. I am offering my hand to you. The same hand that has touched that cheek so many times before. The hand that runs through your hair. The hand that holds onto yours…. take my hand…for the sake of our love…please…
i kind of want to tell her this and i dont know if i should or if its the right time...
“why are we denying ourselves something that makes us happy?” I saw how you interacted with me on Thursday night, and I could tell you were showing the most self-restraint I have ever seen, and so was I. I could feel it in the way your hand found my hair and how hard you squeezed my hand. It’s easier at other times to hide our feelings, but times like that are when true feelings come out. Tell me I’m wrong when I say that there are times, maybe just minutes, when all you want is to be in the nook, or spooning, or kissing, or wrapped up in my arms…
Its very sweet the way you feel about her. but you are projecting your feelings on to her. The physical touch and kissing is what makes you very happy. Just because she has to have self restraint does not mean that the physical touching is what makes her very happy. that is just hormones. She is denying you what makes you happy. If she was really happy with you then she would stay with you. There might be parts of the relationship that made her happy, but as a whole she is not. if she was then she would be with you.
Every time in your writing that you say 'we' changed that to reflect yourself, as in 'you'. Because that is all you know at this point. These are all things that make you very happy and she is denying you of that. Perhaps you should ask her, as a friend, what it is that makes her happy.
sounds like you are in a tough spot. i think she wants it both ways, to be out of the relationship but not to completely lose all the benefits of the relationship. i think for your own sanity you should talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. i would try to distance myself when possible b/c if not i think you will be setting yourself up for hurt feelings if she happens to move on before you have completely gotten over her. it would hurt regardless but i think even more when her actions may be giving you false hope.
Losing my mind...
Re: Losing my mind...
