I had a situation where my fiancee is an avid Facebook user and a few of the people she had as friends were posting, what to me as a loving and respectful person found disrespectful to her. I asked her to defriend these people and she feels as though I am babysitting her. It led to an argument. I am trying hard to deal with this as my last marriage ended because I caught the ex cheating with someone on FB. She is not cheating nor would she, but I don't disrespect her and won't allow others too. How do I keep from upsetting her when this situation occurs?
I am just trying to show her that what I have is LOVE and RESPECT for her as she is the BEST thing to ever happen to me.
maybe you should tell her about how do u feel when u read the post. maybe better not to tell her what to do, just tell her how do u feel. talk about it from heart to heart.
My husband has requested me, I can have as many female friends I want, but no male friends.
On the forum, I can talk to men out in public, but not by private messages.
But this is me, brainwashed by too strong Chinese upbringing, I don't mind that my husband request me this. I respect his wish. I obey him. I don't want to make our life complicated anyway.
A lot of modern girls like to have male friends as well, you either trust her or fight with her. Your situation is a little bit different because you were hurt before, she has to understand this.
How about having a rule like this, when she is talking to her male friends, you have to be there!
greenpearl thanks for the suggestion. I don't mind the male friends because all of them except for this handful respect her and know she is in a relationship and do say disrespectful things.
I have tried very hard to let her know I am saying things about these few because of my LOVE and RESPECT for her, not because I am worried about her cheating.
If I am going to respect her the way a GOOD man should I expect others to respect her as well.
Thanks Dawn and I guess it boils down to me understanding that she is not my Ex and that I just need to show her that I truely TRUST, LOVE and RESPECT her.
I think as long as you trust that if someone offends or disrespects her, she will handle it and do what is necessary. It is possible that you are just more sensitive about the comments??
She may feel that you don't respect her ability to discern what is and isn't appropriate on her FB wall, or her prerogative to make her own decisions about it.
It's important that she feel respected by you in ways that are meaningful TO HER, moreso than if others show her respect according to your ideas.
You may have a very valid point---their comments may be very disrespectful and you have a right to feel offended and want to protect her honor.
But it's no more respectful to ask her to manage her FB in ways you prefer.
I agree that you should tell her how you feel, but not what to do.
She's much more likely to respect YOUR pov about this if she decides on her own, out of her respect for your feelings, to unfriend these
people.
She's also more likely to do this if she doesn't feel pushed.
---she may be hanging onto the fb friends on principle simply because you're advising her what to do about them. Posted via Mobile Device
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