General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
We're both loners, so it works pretty well. We know to make sure the other gets enough alone time. I really don't think I could be married to an extrovert.
Before my daughter I've always been very social, outgoing, party whenever I could. After the missus got pregnant, that changed for many reasons, main one was racialism. I cut off all my old friends, and now have a very limited social circle of mates. The rest of my mates are the missus' mates. So either then work and a few mates here and there, the missus has full control over my social circle.
Which makes it rather difficult sometimes, especially when we have big fights and STs, I'm rather outnumbered when it comes to my opinion. I hated how she pulled people into our problems at times, and even those she didn't pull in - were always on her side no matter what. I had to put the foot down when everything went to hell on boxing day last year.
Does anyone here consider themselves a loner , and has it affected your relationship?
My husband has always been a Loner. I asked him the other day if he felt he was one & he answered "You know I hate people". He always says this but he is the sweetest guy you could ever meet, would give you the shirt off his back. He has never needed this alone time many men need, or what I refer to as the "cave'. It is all about his family, his kids. He seems to need noone else.
His Lonerism has not caused us any issues. I know we are very different. He tells me if something happened to me, he would never marry again. That Loner spirit I guess. I am very different than him, I would not be able to hang with that, I would need someone. But then I am not a loner.
I hadn't thought of it that way, but yes, not answering to anyone emotionally is nice too. Does your being a loner this create any issues in your marriage?
It has created more issues then i initially realized. i am more of an emotional loner because i usually have friends, but i have never felt emotionally responsible to anyone until my H. From the start it created problems because I did not understand why my H (boyfriend at the time) was upset at me. i would go out with my friends and feel no obligation to contact him, but he'd get upset and feel ignored. This usually happened with my boyfriends but this was the first time that i felt bad about it, and so i started to change. i lost most of my friends and things havent gone well since then. I am in the process of finding the balance between being emotionally independent yet emotionally conscious of how my actions affect others.
Do you think another reason someone could feel lonely in marriage is because they feel they "should" never feel alone, and "should" always have a constant companion in that one person? Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, but that isn't realistic. Being alone at times is good. You learn about you. What you're made of. No one person is ever going to satisfy 100% of what you need or want. That's why it is important to have a balance.
Yes, but that isn't realistic. Being alone at times is good. You learn about you. What you're made of. No one person is ever going to satisfy 100% of what you need or want. That's why it is important to have a balance.
I think now that my ex wanted me to be able to give her everything emotionally, etc. I think she depended on me to make her life happy, but it was too big of a task for me apparently.
I hadn't been "alone" for the last five years since I have been remarried. My wife is asking for a divorce, we have been separated for a little over a month now. Being alon is different this time around, for I loved my wife more than I ever did my ex. My wife had shown me love that I had never imagined before. I can live alone, but I miss going home to a loving wife and happy children after a long day at work. Now-a-days, I go home, and I am greeted by thoughts of what-to-do this day. I have to keep my mind preoccupied, or else I will go crazy.
There is so much pressure to be with someone that it is mind boggling,Do not feel guilty because you are happy with being by yourself.Just enjoy Being Happy
There is so much pressure to be with someone that it is mind boggling,Do not feel guilty because you are happy with being by yourself.Just enjoy Being Happy
I have learned that you are correct. Even if one doesn't recognize the pressure, it is there and will eventually explode. I thought for years that I had the most uncomplicated marriage and most easy going wife on the planet, but she exploded after 18 years and wanted divorce.
After reading a lot on this forum, I have learned that most people have issues along the way; so, it seems like problems are there in one form or another. I was raised in a calm, logical family and i think relationships are faaaaaaaaar more complicated than they should be.
It seems like relationships are one of the most complicated things on the planet, yet we get no training unless we go into psychology.
There is so much pressure to be with someone that it is mind boggling,Do not feel guilty because you are happy with being by yourself.Just enjoy Being Happy
Quote:
Originally Posted by southbound
I have learned that you are correct. Even if one doesn't recognize the pressure, it is there and will eventually explode. I thought for years that I had the most uncomplicated marriage and most easy going wife on the planet, but she exploded after 18 years and wanted divorce.
After reading a lot on this forum, I have learned that most people have issues along the way; so, it seems like problems are there in one form or another. I was raised in a calm, logical family and i think relationships are faaaaaaaaar more complicated than they should be.
It seems like relationships are one of the most complicated things on the planet, yet we get no training unless we go into psychology.
I have never thought of it this way before. It makes sense though. Even though I feel lonely, I am no longer restrained by what my other half might say or do if I make a decision to go somewhere or to do something. I would rather be sharing my life with my wife, but if it has to be this way, so be it.
I have never thought of it this way before. It makes sense though. Even though I feel lonely, I am no longer restrained by what my other half might say or do if I make a decision to go somewhere or to do something. I would rather be sharing my life with my wife, but if it has to be this way, so be it.
I feel similar. I would never have asked for a divorce in a million years, but since it has happened, I find that I'm not going crazy like a lot of people would. Oh sure, I've been in the dumps and felt quite low at times, but it's because of the loss of my wife and friend specifically and the loss of the life i had planned, it's not due to being alone and going stir crazy(if that makes any sense).
Female companionship is great, but I find that I am functioning ok without it so far, and I'm not sure the good is worth the stress of trying to steer a relationship in the right direction.
I wish a relationship could be like relationships with my family. We have always just existed together and are happy. My brother and I are probably as close as any two people could be. We haven't had an argument in our entire adult life(oh no, maybe that;s a bad sign that something is brewing) We don't think about our relationship, there is no particular patting on the back, there are no particular emotions that we have to tip-toe around, etc, it just happens. Why can't all relationships be that way?
Re: Loners in Relationships? 
) We don't think about our relationship, there is no particular patting on the back, there are no particular emotions that we have to tip-toe around, etc, it just happens. Why can't all relationships be that way? 
