Loners in Relationships? - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-15-2011, 07:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 62
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

We're both loners, so it works pretty well. We know to make sure the other gets enough alone time. I really don't think I could be married to an extrovert.
Chelhxi is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-15-2011, 07:52 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,256
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Before my daughter I've always been very social, outgoing, party whenever I could. After the missus got pregnant, that changed for many reasons, main one was racialism. I cut off all my old friends, and now have a very limited social circle of mates. The rest of my mates are the missus' mates. So either then work and a few mates here and there, the missus has full control over my social circle.

Which makes it rather difficult sometimes, especially when we have big fights and STs, I'm rather outnumbered when it comes to my opinion. I hated how she pulled people into our problems at times, and even those she didn't pull in - were always on her side no matter what. I had to put the foot down when everything went to hell on boxing day last year.
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-15-2011, 11:26 PM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,348
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by southbound View Post
Does anyone here consider themselves a loner , and has it affected your relationship?
My husband has always been a Loner. I asked him the other day if he felt he was one & he answered "You know I hate people". He always says this but he is the sweetest guy you could ever meet, would give you the shirt off his back. He has never needed this alone time many men need, or what I refer to as the "cave'. It is all about his family, his kids. He seems to need noone else.

His Lonerism has not caused us any issues. I know we are very different. He tells me if something happened to me, he would never marry again. That Loner spirit I guess. I am very different than him, I would not be able to hang with that, I would need someone. But then I am not a loner.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-16-2011, 09:34 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Blanca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,042
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by southbound View Post
I hadn't thought of it that way, but yes, not answering to anyone emotionally is nice too. Does your being a loner this create any issues in your marriage?
It has created more issues then i initially realized. i am more of an emotional loner because i usually have friends, but i have never felt emotionally responsible to anyone until my H. From the start it created problems because I did not understand why my H (boyfriend at the time) was upset at me. i would go out with my friends and feel no obligation to contact him, but he'd get upset and feel ignored. This usually happened with my boyfriends but this was the first time that i felt bad about it, and so i started to change. i lost most of my friends and things havent gone well since then. I am in the process of finding the balance between being emotionally independent yet emotionally conscious of how my actions affect others.
__________________
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-16-2011, 02:52 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 684
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra View Post
Do you think another reason someone could feel lonely in marriage is because they feel they "should" never feel alone, and "should" always have a constant companion in that one person?
Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, but that isn't realistic. Being alone at times is good. You learn about you. What you're made of. No one person is ever going to satisfy 100% of what you need or want. That's why it is important to have a balance.
4sure is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-16-2011, 05:41 PM   #21 (permalink)
Member
 
southbound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,906
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4sure View Post
Yes, but that isn't realistic. Being alone at times is good. You learn about you. What you're made of. No one person is ever going to satisfy 100% of what you need or want. That's why it is important to have a balance.
I think now that my ex wanted me to be able to give her everything emotionally, etc. I think she depended on me to make her life happy, but it was too big of a task for me apparently.
southbound is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-17-2011, 08:28 AM   #22 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vernal, Utah
Posts: 253
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

I hadn't been "alone" for the last five years since I have been remarried. My wife is asking for a divorce, we have been separated for a little over a month now. Being alon is different this time around, for I loved my wife more than I ever did my ex. My wife had shown me love that I had never imagined before. I can live alone, but I miss going home to a loving wife and happy children after a long day at work. Now-a-days, I go home, and I am greeted by thoughts of what-to-do this day. I have to keep my mind preoccupied, or else I will go crazy.
remmons is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-17-2011, 08:49 AM   #23 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 18
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

There is so much pressure to be with someone that it is mind boggling,Do not feel guilty because you are happy with being by yourself.Just enjoy Being Happy
Shelda is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-17-2011, 11:04 AM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
southbound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,906
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelda View Post
There is so much pressure to be with someone that it is mind boggling,Do not feel guilty because you are happy with being by yourself.Just enjoy Being Happy

I have learned that you are correct. Even if one doesn't recognize the pressure, it is there and will eventually explode. I thought for years that I had the most uncomplicated marriage and most easy going wife on the planet, but she exploded after 18 years and wanted divorce.

After reading a lot on this forum, I have learned that most people have issues along the way; so, it seems like problems are there in one form or another. I was raised in a calm, logical family and i think relationships are faaaaaaaaar more complicated than they should be.

It seems like relationships are one of the most complicated things on the planet, yet we get no training unless we go into psychology.
southbound is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-18-2011, 02:47 PM   #25 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Vernal, Utah
Posts: 253
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelda View Post
There is so much pressure to be with someone that it is mind boggling,Do not feel guilty because you are happy with being by yourself.Just enjoy Being Happy
Quote:
Originally Posted by southbound View Post
I have learned that you are correct. Even if one doesn't recognize the pressure, it is there and will eventually explode. I thought for years that I had the most uncomplicated marriage and most easy going wife on the planet, but she exploded after 18 years and wanted divorce.

After reading a lot on this forum, I have learned that most people have issues along the way; so, it seems like problems are there in one form or another. I was raised in a calm, logical family and i think relationships are faaaaaaaaar more complicated than they should be.

It seems like relationships are one of the most complicated things on the planet, yet we get no training unless we go into psychology.
I have never thought of it this way before. It makes sense though. Even though I feel lonely, I am no longer restrained by what my other half might say or do if I make a decision to go somewhere or to do something. I would rather be sharing my life with my wife, but if it has to be this way, so be it.
remmons is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-20-2011, 05:56 PM   #26 (permalink)
Member
 
southbound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,906
Default Re: Loners in Relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by remmons View Post
I have never thought of it this way before. It makes sense though. Even though I feel lonely, I am no longer restrained by what my other half might say or do if I make a decision to go somewhere or to do something. I would rather be sharing my life with my wife, but if it has to be this way, so be it.
I feel similar. I would never have asked for a divorce in a million years, but since it has happened, I find that I'm not going crazy like a lot of people would. Oh sure, I've been in the dumps and felt quite low at times, but it's because of the loss of my wife and friend specifically and the loss of the life i had planned, it's not due to being alone and going stir crazy(if that makes any sense).

Female companionship is great, but I find that I am functioning ok without it so far, and I'm not sure the good is worth the stress of trying to steer a relationship in the right direction.

I wish a relationship could be like relationships with my family. We have always just existed together and are happy. My brother and I are probably as close as any two people could be. We haven't had an argument in our entire adult life(oh no, maybe that;s a bad sign that something is brewing) We don't think about our relationship, there is no particular patting on the back, there are no particular emotions that we have to tip-toe around, etc, it just happens. Why can't all relationships be that way?

I think I'm rambling.
southbound is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
relationships anonim General Relationship Discussion 9 08-25-2012 08:02 PM
While you are in-between relationships... angelpixie The Ladies' Lounge 14 03-25-2012 11:07 AM
Past Relationships bagpiper General Relationship Discussion 1 08-30-2010 07:23 PM
Commitment vs Relationships garima General Relationship Discussion 2 07-01-2010 04:28 PM
Sex and Relationships draconis General Relationship Discussion 71 04-10-2008 02:40 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:13 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.