Frustrated and not sure what to do
My boyfriend's father passed away a week ago today. We knew his father was going to be gone within 6 months, found that out around Christmas, but didn't expect it this soon.
My problem is this. Before we started having problems, we had a great relationship: talked all the time, never argued, agreed on most everything. Since we started having problems, there are two things he does that are driving me nuts.
He will cut me off mid-sentence because he assumes he knows what I'm going to say or he thinks it has no bearing on what we're talking about. I have talked to him about this, and I have told him when he does it "if you'll let me finish" or "please don't cut me off".
The other thing is, using his father's passing as an example. He won't talk to me and tell me what is going on. I ask if he's done this or that, or does he need help with this or that, and he says he's taking care of it, or he will, or don't worry about it or whatever. And then yesterday, he'd told me the night before he wanted us to drop the kids at school and then head out to take care of the funeral home and picking up his father's personal effects. Then, when I got up yesterday he said we'd go when I got back from dropping the kids off. Then I get back and he kept sleeping, then got up and asked me what the plans were for the day. I said well, you said you wanted to do this, so that's what I thought we were doing. Then, he tells me I don't communicate this kind of stuff to him. This is his thing, I thought he needed to communicate to me what we were doing.
I'm trying to be understanding, because I know his father's passing is hard on him. He drives a truck, and he was in Minnesota when it happened. He didn't get to say goodbye, and he had to go through some really horrendous weather to get back home. So, I know he's stressed and upset right now.
But I hate being cut off mid-sentence, and I hate being told I'm the one not communicating when he's not communicating with me either. It's really getting on my nerves, to the point where I'll almost be glad to see him go back on the road. This is not what I want for our relationship.
I love him so very much, but I don't like being treated this way. It's worse now that his father has passed, and I don't know if it's because of that, or if it's just that now his true colors are coming out and he's always going to treat me this way.
We've been working on our problems, but sometimes I feel like he isn't trying that hard, or he doesn't care, but if I say that to him, he says he thinks that about me. I really want this to work, and he says he does, too.
There are things he does that makes me feel like he is trying, and is making the effort, but when he cuts me off or accuses me of not communicating or whatever, it seems like that overrides anything good.
Should I talk to him about this stuff now or wait a bit until things even back out a bit from his father's passing? And if I talk to him now, any suggestions about what I could say? I think I've tried about anything, but I'll take any suggestions.
We're not going to break up, but I feel like at this point, we're stuck and don't know how to get back to a good relationship from where we are now.
Sorry this ended up being so long.