My spouse is boring.
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Old 01-16-2011, 12:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My spouse is boring.

I feel bored to be with my husband not only in bed but also out of bed.
I'm not talking about no ideas to spice up sexual life. I'm talking about I don't feel any thrill or flush whenever he approaches me and my heartbeat pounds normally.
I don't feel energetic or excited when going out for a date with him.
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Old 01-16-2011, 07:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

Curiously, why did you two marry in the first place?
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:08 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

Yep^^^^^^^^^

I don't get it really........
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Curiously, why did you two marry in the first place?
Methnks this wasn't apparant in the beginning. Usually this sorta thing happens gradually... and then WHAM!!! Methinks my wife is nearing th is way with me, i don't know, but i know things aren't the same as t hey used to be. I know she loves me the same, but the enthusiasm on certain things... just isn't there like used to be years earlier.

To MsLonely, have you discussed this with him? Are you showing what you are saying in your actions, perhaps he is picking up on some clues by now. Would a vacation with just you two help, i don't know what else to say, this is a husband's worst nightmare outside an affair.
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

I always thought this was to be expected after being together for awhile. i am getting bored in my marriage so i joined a meetup group and have since gone sky diving and rafting down a pitch black cave. it was awesome and shook me out of my lull.
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

I don't think you're going to feel excited about your spouse ALLLL the time... but I do believe that you can poison your own thoughts with negativity. When I start to feel bored with my husband, I try and reflect on moments he has excited me and I anticipate that feeling coming back eventually. In my experience, a marriage is like an ocean, in that, the tides come in and go out. If you turn your back on the ocean, then you won't be able to see the beautiful tide coming in with the sun beaming over the horizon - all you see is darkness and gloom. Take a break from looking to your husband for excitement and try to have some faith & optimism that he will again put a smile on your face in a moment when you least expect it so long as you patiently await for it to come again.
On a side note, if you feel he has lost his interest or that he isn't contributing to the thrill factor in the marriage, be open and talk to him about how you're feeling. Maybe he has been too busy with work or stresses in his own agenda and it's taken away his attention to the fun factor in your home life? good luck!
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Old 01-16-2011, 12:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob774 View Post
Methnks this wasn't apparant in the beginning. Usually this sorta thing happens gradually... and then WHAM!!! Methinks my wife is nearing th is way with me, i don't know, but i know things aren't the same as t hey used to be.
Things aren't the same as they used to be here either. I think it is unrealistic to expect the fire to burn the same way throughout the long years. Then it was massive blaze. Now it's hot embers. The hot embers heat the house. It is different but good.

Where there was excitement, now there is deep trust of shared experience good and bad. Now there is tenderness and understanding.

The sexual desire is present but also different.

I like this way better than the blazing fire.
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Old 01-16-2011, 05:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

Maybe it isn't your H, but it's doing the same ole things day in, and day out. Do something different. Do something that is so not you. Go somewhere that you thought you never would go.

Last summer we went to a mule pull, yeah you heard me right. My H wanted to go for years. I thought that is the biggest redneck crap. Last summer I went. We had the best time. I was yellin at my mule team to pull. He was laughing at me. The Quakers put this on. We saw their way of life. We had a great time. To this day we will laugh about it.
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Old 01-16-2011, 05:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelieswithin View Post
I don't think you're going to feel excited about your spouse ALLLL the time... but I do believe that you can poison your own thoughts with negativity. When I start to feel bored with my husband, I try and reflect on moments he has excited me and I anticipate that feeling coming back eventually. In my experience, a marriage is like an ocean, in that, the tides come in and go out. If you turn your back on the ocean, then you won't be able to see the beautiful tide coming in with the sun beaming over the horizon - all you see is darkness and gloom. Take a break from looking to your husband for excitement and try to have some faith & optimism that he will again put a smile on your face in a moment when you least expect it so long as you patiently await for it to come again.
On a side note, if you feel he has lost his interest or that he isn't contributing to the thrill factor in the marriage, be open and talk to him about how you're feeling. Maybe he has been too busy with work or stresses in his own agenda and it's taken away his attention to the fun factor in your home life? good luck!
I agree with lovelieswithin. How long have you been married? Was the fire there when you married? My wife recently divorced me. I could give a long list of reasons, but I think it boils down to she became bored and wasn't happy. Speaking from experience, GET HIS ATTENTION and tell him your problems. Sometimes just telling us guys doesn't get our attention like it should or we don't think it's as serious as it may be. I got lazy and now would love to do some of those things to keep my wife happy had I known they were that important to her.
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

Thank you all for good inputs and advice!
When I talked to my husband we should create "some sparks" in our marriage, he quickly agreed with me. It's very obvious he also feels bored but he doesn't know what to do, either.
Thus, not only women but also men need to feel excited in marriage life but after married, the fact is we spent more time in watching Tv, shopping for groceries, entertaining visitors, paying attention to the kid's studies & school, and worrying about the unrepaired broken stuff in the house...etc. etc. than having a romantic dinner and outing with the spouse.
I don't mean to have a peaceful family life with a certain level of working stress & boredom is terrible. It's just boring year after year, everyday we repeat the same thing just to raise up the kid.
Gradually and certainly, the passion faded and the chemistry disappeared.
It's getting harder and harder to keep the faith but getting easier and easier to fool around. To maintain the romantic feelings with the spouse in bed and out of bed is very important.

Last edited by MsLonely; 01-17-2011 at 07:44 AM.
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Old 01-17-2011, 08:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

To Ms Lonely, I can completely sympathise with you as I find myself in exactly the same position. The fire is completely burnt out of my marriage, I don't find my husband sexually attractive anymore-although I know that he is a very good looking man. I'm glad however that your husband recognises the need to do something about the flaws in your relationship, as mine seems to think it's all my fault for not wanting to have sex. I hope you can reignite the flames that once burned with equal effort from the both of you, because although the dynamic of your relationship does change the longer you're with someone it's still extremely important to feel wanted, loved and desired.
And to those who passed judgement on Ms Lonely's relationship and commented as to why they got married, I would like to point out that this is an extremely common porblem in long term relationships and can easily be overcome but only if both parties involved are willing to make the effort.
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Old 01-17-2011, 08:38 AM   #12 (permalink)
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To Ms Lonely, I can completely sympathise with you as I find myself in exactly the same position. The fire is completely burnt out of my marriage, I don't find my husband sexually attractive anymore-although I know that he is a very good looking man. I'm glad however that your husband recognises the need to do something about the flaws in your relationship, as mine seems to think it's all my fault for not wanting to have sex. I hope you can reignite the flames that once burned with equal effort from the both of you, because although the dynamic of your relationship does change the longer you're with someone it's still extremely important to feel wanted, loved and desired.
And to those who passed judgement on Ms Lonely's relationship and commented as to why they got married, I would like to point out that this is an extremely common porblem in long term relationships and can easily be overcome but only if both parties involved are willing to make the effort.
Thank you for your very good response!
It's true a common problem in long term relationship and this problem is often ignored.
Year after year, I can't feel excited but bored when my husband approaches me.
I totally agreed that both must make effort to ignite the flame.
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Old 01-18-2011, 09:16 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

I have told my husband I feel bored most of the time. He doesn't really know what to do.
He said he wants to take more day off for me around valentine's day so we can celebrate together.
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Old 01-18-2011, 09:22 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

Don't we all feel bored with everyone every one in a while?

I love my husband dearly, but at times I've felt bored and I'm sure he has too. We've been together 27 years and married 26 on the 26th of this month, I would expect "some" boredom every once in a while.

I think that's a normal ebb and flow of any relationship.
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Old 01-18-2011, 09:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My spouse is boring.

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Originally Posted by MsLonely View Post
I have told my husband I feel bored most of the time. He doesn't really know what to do.
He said he wants to take more day off for me around valentine's day so we can celebrate together.
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How much time do you spend together?

When you spend time together, what do you do? Do you have interesting conversation?

It is important for couples to spend time together and have meaningful conversation!

You have mentioned dating nights or days. It is a great way for couples to enjoy time together, but when you are together, you guys have to talk to each other, look at each other, just like young couples in love! Not like old couples who go to tea shops together but read newspapers!

My husband and I usually go out on weekends, weekends are usually our dating days, we go to coffee shops, tea houses, fancy restaurants, then we sit down and talk to each other, we discuss what we have read, we discuss human life in general, we listen to each other's opinion!
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