littlemoon

I'm at a complete loss as to what to do about my marriage.
I posted on here recently about feeling as if I was the only person making the effort and despite my efforts those feelings continue.
I've talked and talked to my husband til I'm blue in the face, he says he'll try harder, but in reality he does nothing to better the situation. There's always excuses as to why we can't do this, that or the other.
I've said we should try counselling, he refuses to even consider the idea.
He continues to be useless and lazy on a daily basis, takes me completely for granted and never does any of the jobs waiting around the house. It infuriates me that he doesn't seem to make as much effort as me. He'd sooner come in from work and sit in his sweat pants watching TV and let me do everything for him.
I can't see how this situation will ever better itself, I've told him that if things don't get better within the year that I'll leave him because I can't continue like this forever. He insists this isn't what he wants.
I struggle to talk to him now because he's either not listening or we end up arguing.
Once upon a time my husband was the most loving, caring person I ever knew and he looked after me through many a difficult time but now I feel like he doesn't care. It's as if we're just flatmates.
I've booked a holiday for us to go away in the summer, I've booked a table already for valentines to ensure we don't end up having another saturday night takeaway, and I've booked tickets to see his favourite comedian at the end of the year to try to engage some activities we can do and enjoy together. If you notice though I've said 'I've booked' to all the above.
Trouble is we've been together so long now (nearly 9 years and coming up to our second wedding anniversary), and I honestly don't know if I could bring myself to leave. How could I destroy our home that we've built together and our families? I just don't know if I could upset everyone around me?
But what about my happiness? This just isn't the life I imagined for myself. Do I get out and find the happiness I feel I deserve or do I endure and hope he finally realises he has to change to keep our marriage afloat?

MsLonely

I totally understand how you feel because I have same problem as well. I'm also the one who make effort taking care of the marriage, communication, and ideas to spice up sexual life.
Year after year, I feel bored.
I don't enjoy seeking romance alone when my husband just waits to see I make something awesome happen.
You will need to communicate with your husband in a different way. Firstly, give him few tasks to cooperate.
If he can't do housekeepings well, at least, he should NOT make the house messive and harder for you to clean. You can always find small things he can do, such as throwing the laundry in the washing machine, dumping garbage, checking mailbox & collecting mails...etc. You can also request him to prepare for a surprise on Valentine's Day for you.
No matter what surprise he might prepare, you have to give him positive reinforcement. (Show him you appreciate the surprise.) Important is to get him used to cooperate with you as first step.
Slowly, he would take his turn, ready making bigger effort taking care of your emotional and physical needs.

Chris Taylor

Go to marriage counseling. If he doesn't want to go, go alone.

It may be that he can change, you just have to approach it differently.

And if he can't, marriage counseling will give you the ability to live with it or the strength to move on.