My husband and I have nothing to talk about
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband and I have nothing to talk about

We have been married for 8 years and have a beautiful daughter together. We used to do a lot of things together. Watching movies, go hiking at weekends, chatting away... We are happy to see each other at home after work.

Things changes after we had our daughter. We were both very busy taking care of the baby, doing work, maintain the house... The baby is very cute. We both like her very much. However, she is also very demanding. The baby needs co-sleep. So we are sleeping in different room for quite a while. We don't have time for movies or hikings any more. Recently, I just realize we are not even chatting much. My husband doesn't seem to be interested in any topic even I sit down with him after baby goes to sleep and everything quiets down.

I start to worry that this will eventually eat up on our relationship. For those of you who have kids, is this normal? Is it just temporary or does it mean somethings have changed in our relationship? Any suggestion is appreciated!
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

She is 21 months now. She sometimes wake up at night and I am always worried I can't hear her if I am in another room. So it seems easier to just co-sleep. I do want to see her sleep by herself. But how do you deal with this problem?

We don't have others to help us since we are both far away from each other's family. Baby goes to daycare while we are working. So nights and weekends are our busiest time. It seems that when baby rests, we are just too tired to do anything.


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Originally Posted by Pandakiss View Post
it is a littlr normal to loose your selves in a new baby. how old is the baby?? after 3 months the baby can sleep on their own. when the baby sleeps and takes naps regularly, you will find you are not as tired, and can talk about adult things.

make plans for family outings. put a movie on during the day, like on the weekends when the baby is napping. when you and him have conversations, is it all about the baby?? are you still interested in him??

we all know a baby is sooo cute, but every now and so, its alright to talk about other things that dont include diapers and dr visits. can your mom or his mom do a little babysitting for about 4 hours?? then the two of you can go see a movie or go out to eat and talk about anything but the baby.

also...stop sleeping with the baby. he or she will never learn to sleep through the night, and you will never have sex again or have any time together...
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

Buy a baby monitor and place it by her crib.

You can check on her from your bedroom.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:17 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

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Buy a baby monitor and place it by her crib.

You can check on her from your bedroom.

You keep this up, your marriage could take a serious hit. You run the risk of being more of a mother than a wife. You have to find that balance, and admittedly it's hard...especially when you have a baby-baby. But already you're allowing the baby to come between you, so to speak..and you have to nip that in the bud asap.
You WILL hear a 21month old. They will make SURE of it.
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

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Originally Posted by stressedwife View Post
I start to worry that this will eventually eat up on our relationship. For those of you who have kids, is this normal? Is it just temporary or does it mean somethings have changed in our relationship? Any suggestion is appreciated!
It will if someone does not break the cycle. It can be temporary but for many men, they will start resenting the fact that their wives are putting them on the back burner , even if it is for the love of thier child. If your husband is a really really NICE guy, he will not likely clue you in to how he is "truly" feeling about things, not wanting to appear "needy".

Any man in love with his wife WANTS TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED. I used to put the babies inbetween us , we have 6 kids, (5 were born in our 30's) , my husband never liked this but was too nice to say anything to me, he just let me do it, after all, he loved the kids too. Meanwhile he was "suffering" always wanting more sex, more intimacy.

Why not allow the baby to sleep on the floor in your room, or in a Playpen? This would keep you both in bed together and not worry about the baby being too far away.


Do you not have any friends, people from Church, who could help swap baby sitting favors with, or even pay a sitter now & then to get out? Children are not going to die if you dont run to their every whim when they are small. What do they need but fed, diapering, put them in a swing, give them a binky, and a little holding througout the day & a safe environment to not put dangerous things in their mouth. Maybe work on the enviroment , get some gates to help with the worry.

I speak from much experience here, when I had my 1st , I was even worried about a trusted friend watching them who had kids of her own! I was telling her what to do, what not to do, obsessive about safety, by the time I had my 6th, well he never gets the same attention that my 1st one got, not even close, but he is OK, he is thriving. Sometimes we devote Almost TOOOO much time to our kids, and if this is going to take a hit on the marraige, something is seriously wrong.

When she falls asleep, run off to the bedroom, have some fun! Use a baby monitor, shut off the phone. And ALWAYS
sleep together, hold each other at night, make other arrangements for the child, NOT the 2 of you.

I have many regrets about the years I wasted putting all of my babies inbetweeen us at night.

I was lucky my husband didnt build too much resentment.
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Old 01-18-2011, 03:42 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

Two issues here.

One is that you say you don't have the time. Are you afraid to talk in front of the baby? Is the baby going to run to the neighbors and gossip? You CAN do two things at once you know.

The other issue is "My husband doesn't seem to be interested in any topic". If he's tired and just not interested in talking, that happens and see the above "doing two things at once" comment. Get him while he is active and not ready to nod off.

But if he just doesn't want to talk, you have a bigger issue and may need some outside help.
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

I think its not Normal though!
you should go out with your Hubby every weekend and try to talk to him about what he likes the most and let the baby handover to your mother or friend for at least a day !
I hope this Idea will work!
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

You need date nights.

You need to have sex. baby will be fine.

But...I laughed when you said you both like the baby enough.... I thought you were talking about a house guest or something.
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband and I have nothing to talk about

A hundred years ago (it feels like) we had no help with the babies. I had 5 in 6 years..... and you can do almost everything WITH the baby. We'd take the playpen right down to the beach and slather up their little heads with sunscreen. We took the playpen and parked it at the end of the lanes when we joined a bowling team. I carried babies in pouches or backpacks for years... probably longer than I should have, for convenience. We walked....alot. A few of them slept in our bed, one at a time...but I did make them a squishy bed on the floor so h and I could sleep together...how do you think we made more???

The marriage comes first, the product of the marriage can be flexible. Make your relationship with your husband your priority.
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