Earlier last year I was going through a separation and divorce while simultaneously starting a relationship with another woman. (Yes, I know - terrible timing, and I fully realize it was a mistake.) I'll call this woman "Tonya". Tonya and I hit it off wonderfully and began a romantic fling (no sex involved yet) while I was technically still married. After a few weeks, she called it off because she didn't want to feel like she was becoming a mistress.
In the next few months we got back together twice and broke up, each time getting deeper and heavier into short relationships. While those were going on, Tonya seemed to be crazy about me while I was crazy about her. She and made both vague and concrete references about the future, and she seemed very sincere about being serious with me. She finally called things off for good because I could not give her 100% due to the divorce still going on, because she felt like I could not give her everything she needed with these strings still attached to me. Unfortunately I took splitting with her really, REALLY hard because I had realized that I was falling head over heels in love with her. I was devastated.
Since then, I had to do a lot of healing to do. I went through Thanksgiving week and most of December alone and that was incredibly difficult. Eventually the whole divorce process wound down and ended, I had moved out on my own, had moved on and was starting to get comfortable in my new single life.
Meanwhile around the Christmas holidays, Tonya and I started seeing one another again, this time very slowly and carefully with occasional dating. Things have been feeling good and comfortable with no rushing into things as quickly and heavily as before. In theory I want to give us all the time and space we need for a proper courtship and for a relationship to blossom.
The trouble is, after recently having a sort of "define the relationship" discussion, she has made it clear that she doesn't want any relationship with me or any other man right now or for the foreseeable future. All she wants is non-committal dating. Strange because during my divorce process (when I was less available) she was all gung-ho about having something serious with me but now she's not.
Now I'm around this woman enough, and know enough about her work schedule, her time with her kids, her friends, etc. to know that there most likely isn't another guy she's involved with, so Tonya's probably not playing me in that regard.
I'm still crazy in love with her. I can't seem to shake it. It hurts like a mild heartbreak that she doesn't want to have much to do with me outside of occasionally going out or hanging around at her house as friends.
I've never told her the full extent of my feelings towards her. I know she likes me, but it wouldn't be a stretch to say that she probably doesn't love me back.
What should I do? Should I tough it out for a few more months of courtship in hopes that Tonya might change her mind and begin to have deeper feelings for me? Should I tell her how I truly feel? Or should I cut things off now and work on trying to fall out of love with her, as difficult as that will be?
I've already tried dating a few other women, but I just can't get Tonya out of my mind and out of my heart. Please help!