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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-19-2011, 08:55 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada- Rocky Mountains
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Hurt, Husband said some harsh things

So as you know my husband called it quits on the 30th of December.

I have been trying to convince him that we can change and work on our marriage. This morning I woke up and had a horrible gut feeling that something was going on. I kinda had this feeling before but I was never able to have proof. Today I got it , I was able to access phone records of the person I thought he was talking too. He had been talking to her for 4 months that I know of. I confronted him and he said they talked cause he was able to talk to her and not me. After he left , the girl that he was talking too came here and freaked out ( she is my sister in law and my husbands sister in law) her and I use to be close but had a falling out when I found out that they had been talking before. H told me before that it was not like he called out all the time and talked. Well I caught him in that lie today, as I mentioned he said that he called her to talk about our marriage. No one only calls someone to talk about their marriage every day in the morning when they leave for work and on their lunch break and before they come home and in between times. What I think is they were meeting cause some of their calls were only 1 or 2 minutes. I never really looked at the information till after he left and when he came home I questioned him about it again. Cause I felt that there was more going on cause of the amount of calls each day. He then admitted that they were having a EA.

Background: 5 years ago I left my H and my children and did some horrible things, Be begged me to come back and I didn't . He is saying that is the reason why he can't stay with me, cause I hurt him to much and he can't get over it. It says he can't even look at me without feeling hate, the reason our sex life is NAH is cause it makes him sick to think that I have been with someone else. Which doesn't really make sense to me cause when we got back together we had a great sex life hense I got pregnant with our 6 child.

I'm now in counseling trying to deal with a lot of things that he has brought up and things that I need to deal with. I just don't know how I can make him understand that I'm going to change and that I would do anything to make our marriage work. He says he doesn't have it in him to make it work. That I need to rescept him in his thoughts when he says he is done. I can't give up but have no idea how to change his thoughts, I think that he has so much anger that he is not able to allow me to show him how much I care and love him. I'm not allowed to touch him, I'm not allowed to even sit close to him.

With everything that he has said to me , he has destroyed me , he makes me feel like the dirt on my bottom of someones shoes. I feel that I have caused so much pain to him and my children that I should just die. I can't even think about life without him I have gone so far as to make letters to my children and to him saying I was sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused them and that I hope they will one day forgive me.

Another thing is I need to know , do I tell my brother in law about the calls between my sister in law and my husband, This is my husbands brother. He is having marriage problems too and his wife was ready to leave him until I caught her and H talking now she is going to try and make it work !

What do I do , I need help I need to know how I can fix things. I feel my end is so near and I need some kind of guidance.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-20-2011, 05:28 AM
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Location: Southern USA
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Re: Hurt, Husband said some harsh things

I'm really sorry things are getting worse for you. When I read your other posts, I felt your husband was having an affair. This one confirms that. Since you are now in counseling, be sure to go over this development with him/her. Your therapist should be able to give you sound advice.

Somehow I doubt the affair is only an EA. Prepare yourself for the worst. That now seems to be part of a cheater's script when first "busted". My estranged husband even tried that route....even though I had found an empty condom box under my truck seat. Yeah, right! I would say to talk to your brother-in-law. Be prepared to show him the proof. He's got to be wondering why he is having marital problems as well.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-20-2011, 08:21 AM
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Re: Hurt, Husband said some harsh things

Heck yes!!!

Drop the dime by all means. He doesn't want to end the affair... make him end it by spilling the beans. Unfortunately i don't think it can save your relationship with your husband. He sounds way to hurt. You may have to seperate for a minute for him to fully appreciate you.
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