SandyM

I wanted to get unbiased advice, and will do my best to be honest about the whole situation.

I have been married 7 years, no kids together but I have 2, he has 3 from previous marriage. My husband has been self employed for most of our marriage and the last two years that business hasn't been able to help pay for bills so he went in search of a job.

He found one last May quit that one within a week.
He found another one and quit two weeks ago. His pay is based off of commission and his checks weren't that great.
I understand how he can be frustrated for having to have a boss and then the money not being great but right now he sits at home and drinks. He has a dream job, but that would require schooling and we can't afford for him to go back full time right now. We were already 3 months behind on the mortgage when he quit.
I asked him to go to counseling, he won't do that.
I have tried to be understanding about it to see if this would motivate him to do something ... didn't work. Then I went to being angry which helped enough for him to do taxes and say he would get his sh%t together and look for a job, that was 3 days ago, without a resume going out or even a search for a job.
I have become a nagging suspicious wife now. I nag about him getting a job, I search his pc to see what he is doing all day.
I know that is not attractive but I am going crazy .

In general, our marriage hasn't been great. We constantly have arguments of comparing our kids. His sex drive has always been an issue, I can't remember the last time that has happened.
I finally told my mom about the situation this weekend and her answer was to the point, leave.
I broke down and asked if that was the right thing to do? Leave my husband because he is lazy?
Now with noticing how we don't operate as husband and wife... he might be in the room with me but he is at his computer all day and all night. The majority of the time his headset is on listening to music. We no longer sleep together.
I do love him, but his actions tell me he doesn't feel the same about me.
Any advice out there?

Rob774

He needs a "shock" to his system. Give him a nicely put together ultimatum. Get your stuff together or else i'm leaving. Right now, he has the luxury of being complacent... because you've allowed him to get away with it. Faced with the reality of you leaving, and he won't have anyone to support him. He'll get his act together or else your marriage will indeed be over.

Izabella

great advice,but i would ask him to leave.

SandyM

thank you both for the advice, so now I need to prepare myself that he won't care. ... and we do go our seperate ways.

I will actually leave ... that house was his and his ex's and I never cared to live there.
Step one... new bank account?

SandyM

Just an update.... my prayers were answered.
Even though I know him staying at home wasn't right, I felt strongly that a divorce wasn't the right thing to do.
So, before I even had to give an ultimatum (which I don't think that would have worked with him) He called and said his old job called and asked him to come back! Today is his second day back.
Financially, still stressed but am relieved that I won't have to stress about changing banks, switching cable, electric, finding an apt..... etc. So for now, it's better.

SandyM

OOOPPPS!!! Just Kidding.
Came home to him at home.... so not working, trying to do the business again that hasn't made money in the last 3 years.
Said he could live off of $1000 a month and I had me and my girls so I should have to pull the extra load.... WOW!
He gave me my anwer.
Just had to vent.

major misfit

Umm...he lied about his old job calling him back? Or did he last just two days? I guess you have your answer.

__________________
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. ***Maya Angelou

"But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve" ***Professor Barnhardt to Klaatu

SandyM

He went yesterday then didn't go today. "Had a change of heart"
Doesn't understand why IM upset.
Sad to say but yes I do, that hasn't been the first time he has brought up me having to find a way to make more money since their father doesn't pay child support and he was having to raise them. I should of left that first time.