01-28-2011, 01:30 AM
Join Date: Nov 2010
| | I'm tired
Sorry if I'm boring somebody that have ready some of my previous posts. But for those that don't knw my story here it is in a nutshell. I have always tried to give my husband his way. I hated his silent treatment if he did not get his way. It used to be small things, well for me anyway. Then he started a business, I was against the idea because I felt he did not have the needed business knowledge. However I have and therefor we made a deal that I would go in with him, having a fair say in the running of the business. I borrowed the money needed and to start the business on my name. The business is however registered in his name. I also work for 3 other businesses, income I can't be without as that is wahat pays lots of the accounts. Further my husband is of very little help at home, mostly at work or somewhere else. So to sum it up I work a full day, get home clean, cook, laundry, do home work with daughter. Also involved in childrens ministry and local chuldrens home. Lots of times put in a 18 hour day to get everything done.
On the business side my husband rarely take my advice but when things get difficult I have to help out. He gets angry when I try to talk to him about this.
We have been married for 10 years, this has been going on for the past 2.5 years. I am so close to a total breakdown. I am tired, over worked, stressed, angry, irritated, etc. I feel totally trapped as I can not even aford to consider divorce, it will financially ruin both of us, can't put my daughter through that. I feel that he knows that and maybe thats why he acts that way. I have tried so hard to make this work. On our aniversary I bought him a gift made reservations, he did nothing. I go out of my way to always be there for him, he does nothing.
Last night I said to him I'm starting to believe that he sees me as a convenience and nothing more. He did not even bother to answer me, not even tried to deny it.
Like I said I am trapped, can't get out. Not that I would prefer to get out, I love my husband and would like to make this work. I just don't know how, seeing that he does not seem to want to make any effort to make it work. Not that he wants to end it either, it's just to much effort to work on it. I have told him lots of times that maybe we should go for counceling. He did not seem interested. I have now made an appointment with our pastor. I did not want to do this, don't want anybody to see him in a bad light, but the pastor can see me after hours and I can't do it during the day. I told him about the appointment, he wasn't impressed. Just gave me a look and turned his back on me. That's his way of dealing with things, silent treatment.
I just need to be able to talk with someone, that's why I come here. I will not discuss this with friends or family. We are privated people, don't hang our dirty washing on the line for everybody to see. I need this forum to help me get through my life. I have at a stage thought of suicide, but it was a stupid thought and short lived, will never do that to my daughter.
I'm sure that he feels I'm to blame for our problems also. There is always two sides to any story. I just wish we could sort things out and be happy, is that too much to ask?