depressedmom

My h and I have been married for 4 years. We have 1 daughter together and I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship. I was working when we first married and made a decent living. Since then I had become chronically ill and have gone on Social Security. This has changed our finances considerable. We were no longer able to afford the lifestyle we had been accustomed to. over the last year my h refuses to pay for things for them, like going out to dinner, buying a prom dress, even refused to buy them a christmas gift. He pays the rent on our house and makes his car payment. All the other bills I pay, utilities, car insurance, cell phones, lunch for all the kids, groceries, a car we bought for him to use, but when he got a new car gave this to one of my daughters. He was going to help me pay, but hasn't happened. He makes considerably more money than I do, yet when I tell him to help me he says no. He pays for his half of the household expenses. He uses 60% of his check toward expenses where I use 85% of my income. And because I am home with the kids all day, I have additional expenses because we go out and do things. There are times I have to borrow money to make ends meet while he makes plans to buy new t.v.'s and computers. What should I do. I am in a tough situation because I am chronically ill with a small child and no family nearby. He refuses therapy because he doesnt see any problem. I do not like how he treats my children and how he treats me.

major misfit

Has he always been this way? Could he be harboring resentment b/c you had to quit work and go on SS? I'm not throwing stones at you here...I have chronic illnesses and was forced into early "retirement" as I call it. I hate every second of it. No one in their right mind would choose this.

I'm not understanding his seeming unwillingness to want to maybe do more than his "fair share". Maybe he feels taken advantage of? I don't understand what could possibly be going through his mind.

My SO is not the bio father to any of my kids, and has none of his own. NOW he makes more than I do (there was a 2 year stretch where his job was in the dumps, and I brought in way more than he did)...but it all goes into one "pot", and we pay what needs to be paid. I still have a 10yo at home, and he plays baseball. SERIOUS ball...the travelling all star teams, etc. This gets expensive. He didn't bat an eye when we bought a $300 bat for him.

I guess I'm just not quite understanding why he's so unwilling to offer something to these kids when he's able to do so. Is it more than him just being a cheapskate?

__________________
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. ***Maya Angelou

"But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve" ***Professor Barnhardt to Klaatu

depressedmom

He feels they do not respect him. He works all day and when he gets home he doesn't want to do anything. He will call the kids to get him things. Get me a drink, go to my car and get me my bag, even when everyone is in bed if he forgets something he will go to the kids room and make them get up to get it for him from downstairs. He believes he is the alpha in the house and everyone must do what he wants. Well needless to say, the kids are tired of feeling like his maid, as do I. Come on you cant untie your own shoes. He wants control. He marks a spot and says that is my parking spot you cannot park there. Well over time it gets old and the kids have no respect for him. Even our 5 year old comes to me and complains about how daddy always makes her get him drinks. There is nothing wrong with doing something for someone who appreciates it, but not someone who expects it and does not appreciate it.