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Old 02-15-2011, 08:40 PM   #136 (permalink)
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Would you consider a no contact clause in your informal separation agreement except if it has to do with your daughter. She should not need to know where your are, you are separated- in-house.

Can you make an agreement as to childcare duties, chores in the shared domicile and that's it?. You agree to stay out of each others way. If you need to write it out than do so even if its notes to yourself that your tell her verbally.

She is trying to have her normal life while not doing anything for you. Careful don't let it happen. Remember the fable "Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby" - you start getting tangled up with her and you'll get stuck fast.
I told her to not contact me unless it has to do with our daughter. She is in denial from what I told her, it has not hit her yet. I will not fall in a trap again. I need to be strong so I can function everyday. I hope I can stay on top of my game to be able to make the right decisions.
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Old 02-16-2011, 08:43 AM   #137 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wifes toxic friend is going to cause our divorce!

You need to stay calm and at ease. I am in the same boat you are in my friend. Focus on your daughter and yourself, your wife will realize that she had a home a loving husband and a beautiful daughter and one day it all went away. Sometimes, it takes action for people to wake up and see how good they had it, some take advantage of the fact that people like you have family values and divorce is not an option. From what I have read in this thread, I`m sure that you do not come from a broken home, if you do then you did all you could to prevent this from happening. Good luck and stay with your boundaries, it is the only respect you will ever achieve.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:31 AM   #138 (permalink)
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You need to stay calm and at ease. I am in the same boat you are in my friend. Focus on your daughter and yourself, your wife will realize that she had a home a loving husband and a beautiful daughter and one day it all went away. Sometimes, it takes action for people to wake up and see how good they had it, some take advantage of the fact that people like you have family values and divorce is not an option. From what I have read in this thread, I`m sure that you do not come from a broken home, if you do then you did all you could to prevent this from happening. Good luck and stay with your boundaries, it is the only respect you will ever achieve.


Thank you very much for your advice and I am sorry that you are going thru much of the same. It is very difficult to cope with this situation, I will try my best to stay focus.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:35 AM   #139 (permalink)
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I am seeing a Psychologist for the first time in my life this coming Tuesday. I am nervous but confidant at the same time. I am seeing a women Psychologist, because I want to see a womens perspective on my issues. What should I espect out of this?
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Old 02-16-2011, 10:40 AM   #140 (permalink)
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She'll ask you what your problem is, and let you guide the focus of the hour. If you want to get advice on your wife, she'll help you with that. If you worry about depression, she'll offer help with that. If you want to find out why you turned into a guy who lets his wife walk all over him, lol, well, she'll probably have to dig a little deeper into your past and childhood to help you figure it out before she can offer help in that area.
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Old 02-16-2011, 05:19 PM   #141 (permalink)
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She'll ask you what your problem is, and let you guide the focus of the hour. If you want to get advice on your wife, she'll help you with that. If you worry about depression, she'll offer help with that. If you want to find out why you turned into a guy who lets his wife walk all over him, lol, well, she'll probably have to dig a little deeper into your past and childhood to help you figure it out before she can offer help in that area.
Tunera, lol indeed! However, I have put a stop to it and to her that I was done. I will not make any decisions about my marriage while my head is not thinking correctly. In order for me to move forward I need to have my head straight without any distractions. With that said, it is easier said than done. I need the smoke to clear a little so I can determine my next step.
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Old 02-16-2011, 05:38 PM   #142 (permalink)
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Today has been a stressful day because she has no leg to stand on and fishing at anything. I am dealing with an in mature brat that thinks that she has done nothing wrong. She has not realized how much damage she has done.
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Old 02-16-2011, 06:14 PM   #143 (permalink)
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2 things about the psychologist:

1- If you two don't hit it off pretty quickly, change the psychologist. You'll waste a lot of if you two aren't both firing on all cylinders together.

2 - Don't be afraid if she recommends meds. They help take the edge off so you can concentrate better. And prescription sleeping pills probably saved my life. Definitely my career anyhow.
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Old 02-16-2011, 06:42 PM   #144 (permalink)
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Today has been a stressful day because she has no leg to stand on and fishing at anything. I am dealing with an in mature brat that thinks that she has done nothing wrong. She has not realized how much damage she has done.
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How would you deal with a 2 year-old? Set boundaries and stick to them. Ignore tantrums. You can't put her in time out but you can absent yourself. I know you want o interact with your child. Can you take her into your part of the house and read with her or look at TV. Set up a routine help her with homework, it has to be in your part of the house,

Can you give more details about what she is doing? maybe someone can give a suggestion. She will up the ante during this period, she is searching for the key to your changes so she can manipulate you. Make sure she does not find this site. She is trying to get back in control so expect it. Be prepared to not engage her. She will run out of steam if you remain calm, stick to your word and protect your boundaries.
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Old 02-16-2011, 07:28 PM   #145 (permalink)
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The great book The Dance Of Anger talks about "Change Back!" behavior - when you pull your Giving away from a User, they try everything under the sun to make you change back to the way you were - the way they liked it. Just be prepared for it, and you can deflect it with dignity.
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Old 02-16-2011, 08:15 PM   #146 (permalink)
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How would you deal with a 2 year-old? Set boundaries and stick to them. Ignore tantrums. You can't put her in time out but you can absent yourself. I know you want o interact with your child. Can you take her into your part of the house and read with her or look at TV. Set up a routine help her with homework, it has to be in your part of the house,

Can you give more details about what she is doing? maybe someone can give a suggestion. She will up the ante during this period, she is searching for the key to your changes so she can manipulate you. Make sure she does not find this site. She is trying to get back in control so expect it. Be prepared to not engage her. She will run out of steam if you remain calm, stick to your word and protect your boundaries.
Cat you bring up great points as usual. I do the homework with my daughter and I take her dance classes too. I spend a lot time with her, get her ready in the morning to go to school prepare her lunch and so on. I guess Mr.Mom will fit my roll too. The wife has been trying to provoke me saying that I must have someone else for me making my decision. I put a stop to it by saying, Listen! Their is no third party involved in this marriage, the only problem is here right now you and I. Do not disrespect me accusing me of having someone else. She backed of real quick.
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Old 02-16-2011, 08:19 PM   #147 (permalink)
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The great book The Dance Of Anger talks about "Change Back!" behavior - when you pull your Giving away from a User, they try everything under the sun to make you change back to the way you were - the way they liked it. Just be prepared for it, and you can deflect it with dignity.
I may loose some sleep. However, I will not loose my dignity.
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Old 02-16-2011, 08:25 PM   #148 (permalink)
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Cat you bring up great points as usual. I do the homework with my daughter and I take her dance classes too. I spend a lot time with her, get her ready in the morning to go to school prepare her lunch and so on. I guess Mr.Mom will fit my roll too. The wife has been trying to provoke me saying that I must have someone else for me making my decision. I put a stop to it by saying, Listen! Their is no third party involved in this marriage, the only problem is here right now you and I. Do not disrespect me accusing me of having someone else. She backed of real quick.
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What a nerve - total disrespect. Even if you are trying help your the one executing it successfully. She underestimates you and that is in your favor, you can keep her off balance by doing what she thinks you are not capable of.

My opinion, you gave the perfect answer in response to the cheating thing. You didn't explain your self but said right on point. ) she is looking for an opening you know what to expect from her so don't stress. She done't know what to expect from you. You are doing great.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:43 PM   #149 (permalink)
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.

What a nerve - total disrespect. Even if you are trying help your the one executing it successfully. She underestimates you and that is in your favor, you can keep her off balance by doing what she thinks you are not capable of.

My opinion, you gave the perfect answer in response to the cheating thing. You didn't explain your self but said right on point. ) she is looking for an opening you know what to expect from her so don't stress. She done't know what to expect from you. You are doing great.
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Cat you are good,you hit it right to point. She is trying for that opening and has failed every time. I do not trust her actions because I can not get her to act like an adult. I am dealing with a brat. She will keep trying to antagonize me and I will be ready. How far will she go before she breaks. I will not bend for any reason.
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Old 02-16-2011, 10:10 PM   #150 (permalink)
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Have you told her that? That she's acting like a selfish 12 year old?
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