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Old 03-17-2011, 09:15 PM   #256 (permalink)
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I'm sure she will regret it. All I am saying is that YOU have resentment and YOU can't cope. Stay in therapy and take care of the things you can. I'm just curious as to why 6-9 months of therapy for yourself and dedicated effort absolutely, positively won't pay off. Forgiveness is an absolute necessity for you to be able to be happy and move forward in life and possibly to your next relationship. Just trying to help, bro. I hope you work it out in the best way for the good of you both.

I just don't want YOU to regret it. This will affect the rest of your life, and it will have an effect on your daughter. Cope with your resentment BEFORE filing for divorce. It will help keep things in perspective and easier for everyone involved if, in fact, that is what ends up happening.
I can't thank you enough for your support. It has and will be a tough decision to make, however, I have to do what is right. I can't see myself in this situation three years from now. I have done more than what any spouse would do to save a marriage. However, her being the problem and does not want to be part of solution makes me go ahead and move on. I have forgiven her many times in the past already, and it got me no where.
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Old 03-17-2011, 09:16 PM   #257 (permalink)
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I am agree with what Dedicated2Her is saying, and it is totally understandable to be going back and forth with emotions about a decisions like divorce, it's not like it's a small decision to make, it's one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. &&& you can say whatever you want, how many times you want, and still "be here" make sure it's what you want.
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Old 03-17-2011, 09:23 PM   #258 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wifes toxic friend is going to cause our divorce!

Your decision. I stuck with it even though it A lasted 20 years. I know all about the trust issue. Lay out to her precisely what you need to even try. You might be very surprised. Worth a shot. If you make it like my wife and I are, you be very glad you did
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Old 03-18-2011, 07:46 AM   #259 (permalink)
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I am agree with what Dedicated2Her is saying, and it is totally understandable to be going back and forth with emotions about a decisions like divorce, it's not like it's a small decision to make, it's one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. &&& you can say whatever you want, how many times you want, and still "be here" make sure it's what you want.
You are right about it being the biggest decision I will ever make, this was something I did not want. However, my wife pushed me too far and has left me with no other choice.
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Old 03-18-2011, 08:56 AM   #260 (permalink)
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Your decision. I stuck with it even though it A lasted 20 years. I know all about the trust issue. Lay out to her precisely what you need to even try. You might be very surprised. Worth a shot. If you make it like my wife and I are, you be very glad you did
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I laid out everything to her, she knows how I feel and what I stand for. I told her a month ago that we must seek a MC in order for us to re-connect. She refused, I took that as a way for her to drift away from what really is going on. She does not want to be to blame here and her actions show that.
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:01 AM   #261 (permalink)
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I laid out everything to her, she knows how I feel and what I stand for. I told her a month ago that we must seek a MC in order for us to re-connect. She refused, I took that as a way for her to drift away from what really is going on. She does not want to be to blame here and her actions show that.
Man up.

Make the appointment. Tell her when it is.

If she doesn't show, you go alone.
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:57 AM   #262 (permalink)
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Man up.

Make the appointment. Tell her when it is.

If she doesn't show, you go alone.
I have been going alone!
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Old 03-18-2011, 11:53 AM   #263 (permalink)
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I have been going alone!
Important to schedule a joint counseling session anyway.
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Old 03-18-2011, 02:07 PM   #264 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wifes toxic friend is going to cause our divorce!

Of course, if you schedule joint sessions, and she refuses to go, you can have that held against her.
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Old 03-18-2011, 02:24 PM   #265 (permalink)
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Of course, if you schedule joint sessions, and she refuses to go, you can have that held against her.
Exactly! She has refused, so I went on my own anyway for my therapy to get a grip with myself.
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Old 03-19-2011, 02:56 PM   #266 (permalink)
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Exactly! She has refused, so I went on my own anyway for my therapy to get a grip with myself.
Late to the game but I just want to bring forth a couple statements. You seem to place all the blame on her. Well from fresh eyes it seems like she had a few late nights with a work buddy but doesn't do it anymore. How often did she go? How long since last time she did this? It may have been innocent girl talk and time got away - it bothered you - she quit. I don't go out at night but I've had 6 hour coffee visits with girlfriends because we were having such fun. The conversation was funny and light and witty and time got away. I'm a nuturer and I don't like being away from my kids like you - she may not be wired that way. Lots of dads think nothing of golfing, hunting whatever for extended periods of time - away from family. People are different - wouldn't work for me or you but fine for them. I understand she isn't opening up - but a fresh perspective is she thinks things are fixed - she quit doing what you didn't like so she wonders why things don't get back to normal. The rest of the talk is her saving face and thinking she's calling your bluff. While everyone has different deal breakers, your reaction to what happened is a little extreme in my opinion. Unless I missed a page and an affair was discovered. Take care just slow down - nothing has to be decided in a day.
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Old 03-19-2011, 03:54 PM   #267 (permalink)
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Late to the game but I just want to bring forth a couple statements. You seem to place all the blame on her. Well from fresh eyes it seems like she had a few late nights with a work buddy but doesn't do it anymore. How often did she go? How long since last time she did this? It may have been innocent girl talk and time got away - it bothered you - she quit. I don't go out at night but I've had 6 hour coffee visits with girlfriends because we were having such fun. The conversation was funny and light and witty and time got away. I'm a nuturer and I don't like being away from my kids like you - she may not be wired that way. Lots of dads think nothing of golfing, hunting whatever for extended periods of time - away from family. People are different - wouldn't work for me or you but fine for them. I understand she isn't opening up - but a fresh perspective is she thinks things are fixed - she quit doing what you didn't like so she wonders why things don't get back to normal. The rest of the talk is her saving face and thinking she's calling your bluff. While everyone has different deal breakers, your reaction to what happened is a little extreme in my opinion. Unless I missed a page and an affair was discovered. Take care just slow down - nothing has to be decided in a day.
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That being said, I'm an avoider too. I don't like a lot of fight or confrontation - if point is valid, I change behavior and go on.
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Old 03-19-2011, 05:13 PM   #268 (permalink)
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Great point, one I've been thinking but couldn't verbalize. All I hear from you is how she has to pay.

What is SHE thinking?
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Old 03-20-2011, 08:43 AM   #269 (permalink)
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She went out last night and came back at five this morning. She has been selfish all this time and it was a matter of time befoe she would pull another one. That is why she does not want to seek a MC with me. She wants her cake and eat it as well. I'm filing this week without any further delay. If she wanted to come around she would have given an effort, I have been very patient and assertive with her.
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Old 03-21-2011, 12:39 PM   #270 (permalink)
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Is it normal to feel down and hard to swallow even though I have done all I could to prevent a divorce. I feel very weird today knowing that I have to do what I never thought I would be facing. Gathering all the house papers and all the stuff that I have to bring to start the process has really made me week. I wished this did not lead to this, however, she has given up without a fight. I spoke to her father and sister today and they are really sad and hurt that their daughter/sister has done this without being up-front with me. They both hugged me and told me that I have been a great husband and father. I did not want to cry but I did, we are all very close and this is really causing more grief. It will be tough going to co parenting classes and sending my daughter to therapy. I am out of words right now, I would have loved trying to get us into therapy to try to fix this only if she was upto it.
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