Husband is only grouchy at me
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Old 02-02-2011, 10:29 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband is only grouchy at me

I felt a lot of stress in our marriage recently. My husband starts to act pretty grouchy towards me. He will walk by me with a straight face like he didn't see me. He will have a motionless face when I come home from work. and etc. But he is very nice talking to the baby (Thank god for that!). And he is very happy talking to his mom several times per week. It makes me feel that I am the one that makes him unhappy.

I talked to him about it. He said he didn't realize he was that grouchy. He said he will try to act happy around me. But I was thinking if he is really happy about me, the happy express will be on his face. I don't want to see an acted happiness. Like I know he likes baby, so the happy express on his face when he sees the baby, is sincere and natural.

So for those of you as husband in a family, do you do the same thing to your wife but still love her?
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Old 02-02-2011, 11:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is only grouchy at me

I dated a guy like this once. He was nice around his folks, his brother, or friends etc. When it came to me sometimes, he wouldn't even acknowledge me at times. He wouldn't speak, or he would just act mad around me. I too, asked him if I had done something wrong, or why he seemed mad around me. He said he was sorry and wouldn't act like that again and that it wasn't me.

However, even though he said it wasn't me, his actions did not match his words. He continued to act that way. Which to me, said it was me. I later on found out after trying to get him to tell me the deal which was like pulling teeth, it was some underlying resentment he had towards me over something that had happened weeks prior. Yes, he was acting childish. Instead of coming to me and talking about it like adults, he decided to use passive/aggressive behavior, by shutting down and not talking to me at all, or acting mad,but not around others. It almost felt like a punishment.

I'm not saying that is the case for you. However, if he says he wont do it again or doesn't realize it, then watch his actions. See if he continues to do it. If he does, then chances are he knows exactly what he is doing, and it very well may be you after all. If someone tells you, its not you or you didn't do anything etc, but yet they still ignore you or act mad etc, then they are probably lying because they don't know how to express themselves verbally so instead they act like that. If he keeps on, you need to get to the bottom of what the deal is.
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Old 02-02-2011, 12:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is only grouchy at me

Thanks for your reply which makes me feel I am not alone.

I agree that sometimes man doesn't know how to express himself. I am thinking he probably knows what the resentment is but he knows it is wrong to blame me so he refuse to admit it. He was a very nice and easy-going guy. We were married for 8 years now. Although it is usually me start the topic, he will listen and make a few comments which encourage me to continue. I felt appreciated, cherished and respected.

He started to act grouchy about a couple of months ago. It is the time he starts to look for a job. He had been a phd student for a long time. finally he graduated and starts on career. I can understand the pressure of looking for a job. I always encourage him to talk to me about it so I can comfort him. However, he always says everything is OK. But it is obviously not OK, at least to me. But why he blames this on me? This is what I don't understand. Why will this be a resentment towards me alone but not to any other people? Since he won't talk to me, it drives me crazy trying to figure out myself.



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Originally Posted by CallaLily View Post
I dated a guy like this once. He was nice around his folks, his brother, or friends etc. When it came to me sometimes, he wouldn't even acknowledge me at times. He wouldn't speak, or he would just act mad around me. I too, asked him if I had done something wrong, or why he seemed mad around me. He said he was sorry and wouldn't act like that again and that it wasn't me.

However, even though he said it wasn't me, his actions did not match his words. He continued to act that way. Which to me, said it was me. I later on found out after trying to get him to tell me the deal which was like pulling teeth, it was some underlying resentment he had towards me over something that had happened weeks prior. Yes, he was acting childish. Instead of coming to me and talking about it like adults, he decided to use passive/aggressive behavior, by shutting down and not talking to me at all, or acting mad,but not around others. It almost felt like a punishment.

I'm not saying that is the case for you. However, if he says he wont do it again or doesn't realize it, then watch his actions. See if he continues to do it. If he does, then chances are he knows exactly what he is doing, and it very well may be you after all. If someone tells you, its not you or you didn't do anything etc, but yet they still ignore you or act mad etc, then they are probably lying because they don't know how to express themselves verbally so instead they act like that. If he keeps on, you need to get to the bottom of what the deal is.
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Old 02-02-2011, 01:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is only grouchy at me

Unfortunately, the people closes to us are the ones who usually can hurt us the most. I know that may sound odd, but its true. Its not fair either. I say you sit down with him ASAP, and discuss things with him. See if you can pull anything from him. Obviously his actions are speaking louder than his words, but you good communication sometimes require verbal words to help get things out. And yes its true, it may have nothing to do with you at all, but IMO it probably does since his actions are directed at only towards you.
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Old 02-02-2011, 02:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is only grouchy at me

I did talk to him. I don't know maybe i am not very good at communication. No matter what I ask, he will say "everything is fine", "I don't hate you". Do you mind sharing some of your experience, what kind of wording can help a man talk?

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Originally Posted by CallaLily View Post
Unfortunately, the people closes to us are the ones who usually can hurt us the most. I know that may sound odd, but its true. Its not fair either. I say you sit down with him ASAP, and discuss things with him. See if you can pull anything from him. Obviously his actions are speaking louder than his words, but you good communication sometimes require verbal words to help get things out. And yes its true, it may have nothing to do with you at all, but IMO it probably does since his actions are directed at only towards you.
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