4sure

We live on 10 acres, and have a 800ft driveway. H comes home from work our 7 mo. dog runs under the truck, and is run over. The dog never goes near the vehicles, but for some reason ran under the truck, and is now dead. H never saw the dog, clearly an accident. H is an animal lover. He would never hurt an animal, and has been known to punch someone who has abused an animal.

I see him out the window, and know immediately something is wrong. I grab my coat, and go outside. He is very upset, mad at himself, crying. We bury the dog, and go inside.

I try consoling him, holding him, saying it isn't his fault. He rejects me. He calls his mom wth! He's talking to his mom about it. She interupts him to talk about her favorite subject, herself. She tells him what a bad day she had, blah blah.

He gets off phone, goes to take a shower. Never says another word to me about what happened. Won't discuss it, he goes to bed early.

I'm hurt. This is a big problem in our marriage. He turns to his mom, instead of me for comfort, and understanding. Problem is she rejects him. When I reach out to give him the comfort, and want the emotional bond between H/W I get rejected, and made to feel as if my need/want is unreasonable.

Anybody have words of wisdom? Why reject me who wants to give him comfort, but will look to someone who denies him the comfort? I know this goes back to his childhood. I have no clue, maybe someone has has experience in this behavior.

greenpearl

Sorry to hear that.

So he is a mama's boy!

I have read a even worse story, the married man has to sleep with his mama when she comes to visit, it made the wife insane!

It is not healthy that he doesn't discuss his problems with you, it is OK that he has to talk to his mom, but not talking to you is weird.

Maybe he doesn't want to show his weakness in front of you!

He feels more comfortable showing it in front of his mom!

Therealbrighteyes

I have a different take than GP. He isn't looking for comfort from YOU, he is looking for comfort from the one person who will never give it to him, his Mother. Self loathing if you will at her hands. Most "Mamma's Boy's" turn to their Mothers because they are the soothing force in their life. These Mothers tell their sons that they are perfect and wonderful and nobody can be as great as their sons. Since she rejects him instead, there is something inside him that makes him want to be rejected/punished/hurt. Notice he called her when he felt like he had done something wrong? Deep down inside, he was looking to be punished and rejected. These toxic bonds are hard to break but I think he needs some serious counseling. He will spend his life chasing her approval if he doesn't get help.
I am so sorry about your precious puppy and I am sorry that your Husband has a Mother who is a total narcissist and all around a$$hole.

credamdóchasgra

I'm so sorry about your dog.

I agree with Brennan and want to add that he's looking for comfort from his mom *because* she rejects him instead. He's still trying to get something from her that she never gave him.

This can change if he recognizes that he's doing this, and/or that it affects your relationship.

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major misfit

How traumatic! I agree with Brennan as well...he's looking for something he's never going to get. He just keeps looking for it. How does the saying go? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. Something like that. Maybe he keeps "expecting" a different result.

He does need some serious counseling. I hope you can find a way to get him to see that.

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michzz

Maybe he was looking for ADDITIONAL attention. He was with you when he buried the dog.

I don't get a read on how it's a rejection of you to want to share with his mom.

That she mentions other things sounds like her way of shifting away from sadness.
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4sure

For the most part I think you are right. She does praise her sons as if they can do no wrong. This may explain why my H is an overachiever.
He thinks he shold be the comforter, when the roles are reversed he feels strange. Like GP said weak. Now he will let me baby him only when it will lead to sex.

I have spoke to him about counselling to face his demons. I had to deal with issues that I had from my childhood, it hurt at the time. It felt so good to let it all go, so liberating. It felt good to truely forgive my parents.

4sure

I was trying to hug him, hold him. He pulled away walked from the room while I was speaking to him, and went straight to the phone to call mom.

MsLonely

In that case he sees your comfort as a signal for sex.
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