Re: need help fixing my infidelity
thank you "the guy".. i think your on the right track with the idea that he needs to prioritize our daughter and familys future over revenge. although i understand that it may make him feel better now, the long term ramifications are just not worth it. unfortunately, literally the day before it was all discovered, the OM shook his hand and reassured my H that there was nothing going on. i think my H is more upset with the blatant, in your face, disrespect. maybe i can help him find something constructive to redirect his anger? i feel like the anger has to go somewhere or it will be toxic to our forward progress. we both have a lot of work to do, and i understand there will be forward and backward progress but we dont need hidden or repressed anger and aggression in the background! this was the first (and last) affair that i have ever been a part of, so all of his anger is directed at one OM, not multiple ONS. also, i got caught through a girl who i considered a friend who apparently wants to be with my H. she "ratted me out", if you will. it was not an emotional attachment with the OM, but it was not a ONS either. it was however short lived... maybe 2 or 3 months. im not sure what exactly the connection was, but i guess thats something i have to figure out as well!
As far as me getting a new job, i have been at the same place for 4 years with no problems before, and unfortunately we cannot afford for me to quit. We have made some compromises, for instance... i am no longer drinking at all, and i am calling my H more often. He is also stopping by to say hi when he can, and i am perfectly fine with this. i actually kinda enjoy it because it erases doubt about what im doing.
And btw... i did suggest couples counseling, but my H doesnt seem to think it will help. He thinks it will end up with more fingers pointing at him. i dont get it, but i am certainly willing to try anything!
thanks again for all the advice!!