rome2012

.....I did it again.....

Showing my ex-husband how pathetic I am....

It's no secret I would like nothing more than have my ex-husband back....(we're still living together with our kids)....but me being whiny and needy isn't going to do any good....

He just left for work and said "Bye" to the kids and I said to him "You know you can say bye to me too !!!!" ....he was obviously bothered by that but said bye....

I want to stop that.....really .....I have to stop it !!!!!!!

But how ?!?!?!

Help ????

greenpearl

You don't need to feel bad about this.

He should have said BYE to you.

It is just polite for all of us to do it.

You are there, of course he should greet you and say good bye to you.

We don't just take off and ignore the other person who is present.

Manner!

rome2012

I said that to him before he even opened the door I was just being a nag.....

greenpearl

I said it before,

If you are attached, you give him the feeling you still need him, you are in his control.

If you are detached, his presence is not important to you, then you have confidence.

Same thing with friendship, something I was struggling. Now I just tell myself, if I have close friendship, good; if I don't have it, fine. I am not going to let people know that I am desperate for their friendship, after I took that attitude, friends keep on coming to me, now, it is my turn to pick and choose.

rome2012

I understand, but my problem is getting to that point....

Getting to this mind set.....

That's the hard part.....

the guy

quit beating your head against the wall, GP makes alot of sense.
I know it will be hard to detach, but think of the rewards, or think about acting even if you find it hard just try act like you confident.
Maybe slow down and think, from what you wrote, you know that you have this behavior, take a step back for just a second and regroup you think, what would the new rome2012 do?
You know what I mean?
Just take the split second to rethink what you want to say or how you want to act, sometimes that all it takes is that one nanu second to make a big difference in the out come of a sitch. or convo...

greenpearl

Everything we do needs practice, stumble a few times, bruised a few places, learned lessons, then becomes skilled.

I learned it in a hard way too, quite a few years of stumbling!

SimplyAmorous

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Pandakiss

hi rome--

you have to have extreme indifference. when he waves give a slight head nod, if he gives you the head nod return or almost smile then turn away. but not with a huff...

think you are the coolest person and everyone likes you and wants to be your friend. wear that dress that you float in, wear those shoes that make you strutt, go out and buy more...

every time you walk its a run way and he is the papparattizie, he is one of the little people who wants more of you and your time.

EXTERME INDIFFERENCE!!!!!!!

hes leaving...k'. hes home...k'. he did something nice...k'.
do things that make you feel amazing, and believe you are. everything you do is awesome and so much fun...oh, you arent going to where im going...ha-ha..sorry LAME...you always have fun in everything you do.

shopping for food, or getting a oil change...you just had a blast. you saw the most interesting things, you heard the most funniest song..or a older song that you still know all the words..

did you see legaly blonde?? "warner remember the 4 hours we spent in the hot tub.....THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!

that is how your life is..so much better that that..

__________________
yami ni madoishi awarena kage yo
hito o kizutsuke otoshimete
ts umi ni oboreshi go no tama
i ppen shinde miru?

major misfit

I think you have a good idea of what you need to do, as far as reacting to him. How to do it...you have to FORCE yourself. Count to ten...find a way so that you don't seem so desperate. It's going to take practice, and maybe that's what you need. Practice when you're by yourself. Invent the scenario where you need to detach, and then practice doing it.

__________________
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. ***Maya Angelou

"But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve" ***Professor Barnhardt to Klaatu

LonelyNLost

I need to learn how to do this too! We are stuck in idle, and everything I do pushes him further away. I need to figure out how to just be me and love him but not smother him at the same time. It's very hard to not have expectations. I'm struggling with it. I wish you luck. Some responses have been useful here.

__________________
~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.

4sure

I have never been in a relationship where I needed the man. I am so independant, maybe too much. If he would not have said bye to me, truth is I wouldn't have notice.
I love my H but if he were to tell me he wasn't happy, and wanted to separate. I would give him what he ask for. Oh I hate to admit it, but I wouldn't let no grass grow under my feet.

SA Does that mean I'm a B!t(h. according to the book? I never thought I was.