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post #31 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:24 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

Why did she not want to go to the bday party?


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post #32 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

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Why did she not go to the bday party?
She got into it with my EX and didn't want to be around her.
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post #33 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:29 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

She may be used to making her own decisions, independent streak. I am VERY similar. You guys will need to find a consensus on what is ok to "check in" with the other on and what doesn't matter.

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
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post #34 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:30 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

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She got into it with my EX and didn't want to be around her.

THAT is a TOUGH spot.... because you should have stayed with your wife, yet you went for your child, so neither is 100% a wrong choice.

Why did she get into it with your ex?

Personally, your wife should have put on her big girl panties and went anyway...

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli

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post #35 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:37 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

Start acting single.

Because she is.
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post #36 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

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THAT is a TOUGH spot.... because you should have stayed with your wife, yet you went for your child, so neither is 100% a wrong choice.

Why did she get into it with your ex?

Personally, your wife should have put on her big girl panties and went anyway...
It's going to sound a little ridiculous...

My EX had E-mailed me some suggestions on what my son wants for his birthday (he's four and lives with his mom so I don't really know everything he wants), my wife goes through my E-mail / phone / FB messages regularly and found this. There was nothing inappropriate, just a link to a website that sold Spider man toys and my wife flipped and told my EX we don't need her help picking out gifts for my son, etc. etc. and then the fight ensued.
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post #37 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:43 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

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Originally Posted by Cronos1247 View Post
It's going to sound a little ridiculous...

My EX had E-mailed me some suggestions on what my son wants for his birthday (he's four and lives with his mom so I don't really know everything he wants), my wife goes through my E-mail / phone / FB messages regularly and found this. There was nothing inappropriate, just a link to a website that sold Spider man toys and my wife flipped and told my EX we don't need her help picking out gifts for my son, etc. etc. and then the fight ensued.
Ya, it does sound ridiculous....your current wife's behavior here.
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post #38 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:46 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

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It's going to sound a little ridiculous...

My EX had E-mailed me some suggestions on what my son wants for his birthday (he's four and lives with his mom so I don't really know everything he wants), my wife goes through my E-mail / phone / FB messages regularly and found this. There was nothing inappropriate, just a link to a website that sold Spider man toys and my wife flipped and told my EX we don't need her help picking out gifts for my son, etc. etc. and then the fight ensued.
yuck.... you've got a mess on your hands. You have one woman who is insecure (your wife) and another woman who "could" choose to use that as an excuse to get to you (your ex)... wifey knows this and by your wifes behavior she is wanting a boundary with your ex. I don't envy you because that is not going to be very cut and dry.

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli

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post #39 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 09:56 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

Why did you need to get remarried?
If your wife cannot accept your child and by extension his mother, you are in for a really crappy outcome. You really should have been more careful in your decison to get married. If you and your wife are fighting against each other instead of working with each other, that is a red flag also. You two have to start working together.
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post #40 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 10:03 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cronos1247 View Post
It's going to sound a little ridiculous...

My EX had E-mailed me some suggestions on what my son wants for his birthday (he's four and lives with his mom so I don't really know everything he wants), my wife goes through my E-mail / phone / FB messages regularly and found this. There was nothing inappropriate, just a link to a website that sold Spider man toys and my wife flipped and told my EX we don't need her help picking out gifts for my son, etc. etc. and then the fight ensued.
So by itself this does sound ridiculous. But as someone that has some issues with my husband's ex I have to ask: is this really all there is to it? You have proper boundaries with your ex, your wife has never expressed issues with your boundaries, and this birthday email was the first time you've heard of issues with your ex? How does your ex treat your wife? Does she make snide remarks or just generally treat her like she's beneath her?

I ask this because my husband's ex has always had too much of her nose in his business, imo. When we met, while they hadn't been physically involved for a long time, the emotional ties hadn't quite been completely cut and I feel she resented that she had to give up that place in his life. Funny because they'd been divorced for 5 years and supposedly separated for 3 years before that.....We've had some awesome fights about this and he is getting a lot better, but we've also been together for over 9 years. She liked to make little snippy comments to me for the sole purpose of letting me know she'd been there first and since they had a daughter she was really more important in his life. Just very rude and disrespectful, I would never talk to a women my ex hb brings around like that. I put a stop to that myself, we won't get into how here, but my husband either played dumb for years or simply didn't want to get into it. That ultimately caused for damage. Just think about it.

It still sounds to me like you guys haven't combined your lives. Not that you should give up your friends but most of your time should be devoted to your wife, not your friends.

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post #41 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 10:03 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your wife and your ex to some extent. You should start off the conversation something like... "I know you aren't thrilled with my ex. I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable but I have to have some contact with her because she is the mother of my son. How do we make this work where I can spend time with my son and his mother without it affecting us?" It would also be good to reaffirm your love for your wife as part of this conversation and to do it proactively instead of after something she doesn't agree with has happened.

There is also the lack of communication with her trips and going out. You guys need to get on the same page as far as what is expected. My wife and I know that if we need to go somewhere in town, we don't need each other's permission, but we still tell each other out of respect - usually before the plans are made. If we have to do something that is more than, say 2 or 4 hours in duration, especially if it is an overnight trip, that is something we definitely discuss before plans are made.

I'm not sure if she just doesn't think that she needs your input before making these decisions or if she thinks its OK to leave you out of the decision making process as revenge for some previous slight, but you have to lay down some ground rules and work out past differences or it will eat your marriage alive. A passive-aggressive spouse can be dangerous to a marriage.
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post #42 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 10:16 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

So as is often the case, what's presented as THE problem is often just a symptom of the bigger issues at play. So what are you doing about the disconnect between you and your wife? Is counseling an option?

You're 29 years old, and on your second marriage which is in ICU right now... What are you doing about yourself and your part in this?

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post #43 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 10:19 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

How long were you married the first time and why did you guys split

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli

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post #44 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 10:22 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

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....
You're 29 years old, and on your second marriage...
Biggest problem, right there
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post #45 of 100 (permalink) Old 09-05-2014, 10:24 AM
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Re: Wife joined meetup.com?

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and are liberally fed horsesh*t
And happy to get that!
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