I actually spoke to a counselor yesterday and just need to ask my wife if she would like to go. Last time we got into a big argument related to my son/ex, I asked her if she wanted to go to counseling, she told me to go by myself.
I'm not sure counselling is necessary just yet. You two need to sit down and (maturely) discuss the issues that you both have with each other first, and hopefully reach a resolution.
She moved several states over to be with you. You have a son and an ex wife. You have friends and a social circle.
On one hand, she should not expect you to drop all of that and "start fresh" just because she's now with you.
On the other hand, I can see why she'd be upset that she's basically moving right into your ex wife's spot, social life and all.
But... this is what one can generally expect when you get together with someone who has a kid, or kids, from a previous relationship. This is also what one can expect when you're moving a great distance to be with your partner, who is not moving anywhere.
I think both of you are at fault here. You DO need to make concessions and start over to some degree - for her sake.
And she should also be more accepting of your ex wife's role in your life, even if it's just as mother to your child.
She wants a different social circle, then go and find one - with her. You don't have to leave your old friends behind completely, but you do need to find people that the two of you (not just you) can be social with, comfortably.
Right now, I'm guessing, she doesn't feel like she's living HER life. She feels that she's living somebody else's, and it's already built in. She feels like a replacement.
FWIW, though, I don't think she's handling your ex wife all that well. When there's a child involved, the former partner is always going to be there. You put your game face on and accept it, whether you like them or not. My step son's father trumps me in all aspects regarding to them, and I accept that. I have my say, and I do my thing, but ultimately, most things are up to my wife and her ex when it comes to the kids. Not me, and not his current wife.
I'm not a huge fan of his, and my wife knows that, but I smile and nod and maintain a friendly atmosphere.
It's part of being with someone who has kids with somebody else. You suck it up and accept it for what it is, because THAT part of your relationship is not about YOU.