draconis

With work, sleep and other things taking away so much time what do you see as more valuable to a marriage or a relationship in general a large quantity of time or shorter amounts of quality time.

draconis

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justean

i drew up a life circle years ago. as long as you have a balance, large and short quality time. you can reap the benefits for everyone in your family.
in the circle - 1/4 section - husband and wife time
1/4 section - family time together
1/4 section - alone time ( time for hobbies etc)
1/4 section - one parent with children and that
parents time with the children.
i found this worked for me and my balance. so yes quality.

GAsoccerman

I am a person that takes what I can get, we both work jobs that are 365/7 days a week, mine is 24/7 So we have weird work schedules, plus three kids and we have sports and organizations. So time is a premium.

So I have to go with Quality of time.

draconis

I to have found quality time more important than the amount of time I spnd with the wife. It seems better when you put a more intensity into a relationship.

draconis

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waterfall~

draconis,

I guess I am in the minority here, but I firmly believe that time is one of the most essential elements of good relationships. Without time, the opportunity to do all of the other basic things....fill needs, negotiate, share recreation, parent, plan etc....is non existent. If you consider ALL time with your spouse....as time well spent (and therefore "quality") you will increase your compatibility almost by osmosis. It's hard to "find" time in this busy world, but if you plan time with your spouse in the way you plan time for other things....the rewards are enormous. Especially if your marriage is disconnected or become less intense....time, and lots of it is vital. That doesn't mean I don't agree with the "quality" part....because research shows that what you do with your time together can impact your relationship in a big way. To keep your marriage passionate....be each others main recreational partner....spend your most enjoyable times together. New experience creates the biochemistry that heightens passion.....so do new and exciting things together (big and small).

hitrockbottom

A healthy mix...

too much time causes you to smother someone. Eventually not having anything else to learn about them.

Too little time causes you two to grow apart.

draconis

Even desending opinions welcome, ALWAYS.

Keep us thinking.

draconis

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AZTroop

I have to say quality is by far the most important to me. Boring or bad time together doesn't do anything but make me want to be apart. Lots of it will magnify this effect, of course.

waterfall~

draconis....LOL thanks!

AZ....I think quality time is what everyone thinks is important, and I'm no exception. "Boring or bad time" is boring or bad for a reason. Boring means a husband and wife are letting the passion seep out of their marriage. Is that an opportunity to change that dynamic? Shouldn't people be asking why the time is boring, rather than avoiding it? If it's "bad" then again....why? Are they fighting? Doesn't it take time then to work through the underlying issues so that time is "good" again?

The less time a husband and wife spend together (especially if it's become boring or bad) just creates further disconnection and incompatibility. Most people understand the relationship between hard work and success in every other part of their lives....but they want relationships to be effortless.

One of the hardest things I ever did to save my marriage was to spend time with my husband when it was uncomfortable. However, there is no doubt that my investment has paid big dividends, because we were able to work the through the strategies we needed to fix things.....and lay the foundation for the great time we spend together now.

Blanca

Thats a good point. I was leaning towards quality, but i guess its up to the person to make the time quality instead of avoiding it if its not. After all, i get bored at work all the time but that usually means im not doing my job very well. its up to me to find ways to make the time productive. i guess the same applies to a relationship. So i guess its not a question of quality over quantity but a question of why is one's quantity not quality.

draconis

If I have an hour or two in the afternoon with the wife we normally cuddle and watch something. That to me is special. If we have all day together we might watch more but have the same amount of conversation and less cuddling. So I prefer to make all that passion condensed. Even our date day is normally 6 hours but it ranges from 4-8 hours because there is so much that can be done, dinner a movie and a bit of shopping. All special but if that went 12 hours it would be so much work to keep things from seeming dull.

draconis

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