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Tempted By Online Connection

8K views 94 replies 39 participants last post by  murphy5 
#1 ·
So I've connected with a woman online that I met on a discussion board.
The conversations have gradually increased. No photos have been exchanged, but she says a lot of the passionate and sexy things that I have begged my wife to say, but she simply won't do it. I think that this is a common situation where the wife gets wrapped up in the kids lives and the husbands needs get put off. Our sex life is exactly the same every time. I'm talking xerox here.
This online woman provides the things my wife can not... a new person, and she is more on par with my level of passion.
At first it was fairly benign, but things are heating up online and it makes me nervous.
They say that infidelity is not the cause of a relationship failing, but a symptom.
I'm not seeking justification, but what's a guy to do. I'm can try to run away from this but I can only run so far and so fast...
 
#4 ·
The Federal Law requiring ongoing online contact has been repealed, so you no longer have to keep in contact with her for any reason.

You can tell her that you no longer wish to communicate with her, and then don't communicate with her. Refocus your efforts on your real life, flesh and blood relationship with your wife.
 
#5 · (Edited)
You know exactly what to do and what's happening.

Your wife is at home taking care of your kids , keeping thing real in the home.

You are online on a discussion board , in the world of fantasy , another woman giving you a mental fvck ,and you expect your wife to compete with that?

Since you haven't seen any photos or vids of this " woman" what would you do if you found out she was really a man?

See what I mean?
 
#6 ·
I'm not seeking justification, but what's a guy to do. I'm can try to run away from this but I can only run so far and so fast...
Really?

No photos have been exchanged, but she says a lot of the passionate and sexy things that I have begged my wife to say, but she simply won't do it.
Justification and Blame Shifting

I think that this is a common situation where the wife gets wrapped up in the kids lives and the husbands needs get put off.
Justification

This online woman provides the things my wife can not... a new person, and she is more on par with my level of passion.
Justification

They say that infidelity is not the cause of a relationship failing, but a symptom.
Justification

The only person your are fooling is yourself and your not even convincing you that this is going to **** up your marriage. You know what to do and you won't get any justification here.
 
#8 ·
What’s the topic of the forum she’s on? Political? Sports? Sex?

Some things to ponder. She’s never sent you pictures. You have never spoken to her.

Does she talk in the provocative way with a lot of guys? Does she do it in the forum or in PM?

Do you know that a large % of those who post online as women are really men? I know of guys who do this. The one I know the most about does it because he’s a bored attention seeker. And he’s lazy.. does not want to get out of his chair to actually meet someone. So he lives on line as a woman. Like your online “lady” friend, he is very provocative in the thing he says. After all he’s a guy and guys are far more likely to talk dirty than women are. And do you know what? The men online love his female characters. He does send photos too. He has some photos of hot young women that he downloaded. He sends those out and the guys love it. A few men have fallen head over heels in love with him online… some to the point that he has asked me how to end with the guys because it’s now getting crazy..

LOL.. I wonder if your ‘lady’ friend is this guy I know?

The point? A person can be anyone thy want online. Anyone. IF this is actually a woman you are talking to… her husband is probably as unhappy with her as you are with your wife.

This entire thing is a fantasy… one from which you will not even get the vanilla sex you are having with your wife.

How about you get off the internet and start romancing your wife. Most of the time when women appear to be LD they harbor resentment and that’s why they are not being so sexy and not wanting sex often.
 
#10 ·
So what exactly do you want from us? What's your question?

My advice, speaking as someone who cheated on his wife... Either leave your marriage or get into counseling to figure out what's driving you. The emotional affair isn't going to fix anything. And you're starting down a very steep slippery slope.

C
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#11 ·
Umm, you could grow up.

You could leave your wife and let her find a grown up man who stays off the internet and I engages with his family.

You could stay with your wife and grow up and make your lives more interesting by staying off the internet and finding things to do with your wife and children.

You could keep chatting with this online person and be a poor role model for your children.

???
 
#12 ·
Sounds like another stop at Fantasyland. She says all the right things. No pictures exchanged as yet. However, the mental image of this online woman is certainly Aphrodite!

Stop. Your wife deserves better. So do your kids.
 
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#15 ·
That's just it, I romance the hell out of her. I'm the one who sends nice messages throughout the day to her. I'm the one that brings her flowers for no particular reason. I'm the one that tells her she's a great mom and does a good job with the kids. I'm the one who cooks meals for her while she sits in the bubble bath that I drew for her sipping wine. I'm the one who surprises her with $600 Justin Timberlake tickets that she said she wanted. I'm attentive. I listen to her. I do almost all the laundry. I clean. I load and empty he dishwasher. And... She doesn't work. She wanted to stay at home with the kids and she got to do that. She has a nice car. We live in a nice house. Our kids go to good schools. I'm always around.
All I ask is for sex to be less vanilla. I send a flirtatious and provocative text and the response I get is "maybe". I've told her exactly what I want, I even sent her an email cheat sheet. I still get nothing.
So yeah, I know what I'm doing is not a good idea, but I'm tired of being put off and if I do get what I ask for it's with an "alright already" attitude...
 
#17 ·
Ever hear of the 80/20 rule?

Where you have an expectation of getting 100% of what you want from your marriage, but in reality, you will usually only get 80%.

So when someone shows up that gives you that 20% of what you are not getting, it is inflated to make it out to be more than it really is?

But in reality, it's only 20% of what you're missing!!

You're willing to toss away 80% of something good for 20% of something good? I don't make that trade. I think you would be hard pressed to find others to do it as well!

There are thousands of books to try to remedy your issues! Go read them instead of cheating on your wife online.

And I apologize for being so blunt, I am just that way and this kind of stuff makes me sick. I have been on the other end of it!
 
#20 ·
Good afternoon Harford
I'm not gong to jump on you for this. When you are in a relationship that is not providing for your physical or emotional needs it is very easy to be tempted by other people (online or off).

Be aware that it is easy to only see the good parts of other people because you are interacting in casual fun environments - not dealing with the (unavoidable) day to day necessities at home. Its easy to get into the mode where all you do with your wife is chores (because you have too much to do).

Does your wife know you are unhappy? Have you tried counseling? Its much better to try to fix the relationship you have rather than find a new one - which will likely have its own problems.

If you have done everything you can and still are not happy, then you need to think carefully about what you are missing: sex? Fun? Excitement? Intimacy? Trust? What is it that you really want - then you can think about how you can get it.
 
#24 ·
So, get out of your marriage. Then you will be free to pursue another woman. Right now, you are not free. You are cheating and lying for an illusion of freedom. Don't be that guy. Either work on your marriage, possibly with the help of a qualified marriage counselor, or get out. If your wife is as bad as you say, why would you want to remain married to her anyway?

Cheating does not help your marriage. It does not get you more sex, or different sex, from your wife. It does not do good things for you or for your children. If does not improve your real life in any way. All it does is jeopardize your family and destroy your personal integrity.
 
#27 ·
Have you looked at the "Married Mans Sex Life Primer" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

Basically, you're continuing to reward her for her actions, which aren't meeting your needs. So why should she change? You need to destabilize the relationship dynamic.

C
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#35 ·
There was another thread about a woman being tempted by a man.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/218250-tempted-cheat.html

We talked that woman out of making a disastrous decision, so I will summarize the players handbook that was uncovered on that forum. You can see it can apply to either sex. I didn't post it, I just lived it with my ex-wife being tempted away to an eventual affair:

Player 101.
Step 1. Talk to her and make her feel excited/ interesting.
Step 2 You understand her far more than her H. Her H isn't worthy....
(Step 3) "My husband never helps around the house or with the kids."
"Tell me about it. My wife was sleeping in while I took the kids to the park. After doing the dishes I didn't have time to even do a short ride on my Harley."

The grass is always greener! Anyway, I will just tell you MAYBE your marriage is piss poor and needs to be fixed, but cheating (emotional or more) is WRONG and will just make it worse. KNOCK IT OFF!
 
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