Okay, I'll try to make this as brief as possible.
There is a 3 hour time difference between here and where his friends live, and he's sort of always lived on his native time zone, so he stays up for hours after I go to bed.
Last September, he became facebook friends with his first girlfriend. They dated for 2 years when he was like 15 (he's 33 now), first love and all that. He's never said too much about her, except that she tried to get pregnant by him once. They broke up because his mom had a cancer scare and she basically told him that he needed to get over it and pay her some attention. He dumped her a$$ and never looked back.
So it starts out innocent enough, & I hear him mention to his parents that he talked to her on facebook. Fast forward to around Halloween, and she's posting crap like crazy all over his wall. Liking all his photos, commenting on how cute our kids are, posting random "you should watch this movie" posts, etc. Made me uncomfortable, but whatever. Thanksgiving weekend, my daughter wakes up crying. It's 2 am. I walk out into the living room, and the laptop is open on the couch, but my H is nowhere to be found. I call him and he's in his truck, telling me he's talking to his best friend and he didn't want his voice to wake me. I didn't feel right about it and grabbed his phone in the morning, and he was talking to her, for 2 hours! This is when things get worse in our marriage. She also friend requested his parents around Christmas.
I lost it. He promised it was innocent and that she was married. He's also facebook friends with the girl's son.
I let him know I was uncomfortable with it, especially that he lied. He says he didn't want me to think anything, that's why he didn't tell me. (Sidenote: He had an EA with a coworker 4 years ago, so note my insecurity.) So, he's using the fact that she's married as an excuse. Several days later I look at her husband's profile, and his relationship status is "It's complicated" Turns out, she's getting divorced. For the SECOND time. Great track record. I told him I was uncomfortable with the phone conversations, I demanded he defriend her, and well, H doesn't respond well to demands. Said that it doesn't matter who it is, I'll always have a problem if they are a girl, and so on.
He then takes on this facebook attitude, where he doesn't post on anything, as to prevent drama. I make the mistake of logging into his facebook several times over the following weeks. He went back to his hometown in January. It was her birthday while he was there, and he didn't post on her wall. I scrolled back a couple months, and saw that she had posted hearts as her status and he had liked them. She did a quiz that was "What kind of guy will fall for you" and he liked that. Then the day he came home, she posted a status that said something about having the best carefree, stress free week. He said he did not see her, just talked to her on the phone quickly twice, and that the status was not about him.
Then I log in again after he's home and she's posted one of those facebook notes. Next to "place you'd most like to visit" she puts OUR TOWN (it's a small suburb, you wouldn't know of it). Um, yeah, he still denies she has a thing for him! His defense is that she's 2,000 miles away and he has no interest. He says their conversations are innocent and never go in that direction. I was angry about that post and friend requested her. Well, that's really upset him. She didn't accept it for almost a week, and then when she did, she had deleted that note and the posts from the week he was out there. Um, very suspicious. It's obvious to me that she still has a thing for him, especially while she's going through her second failed marriage. But he doesn't get this. It's now a battle of wills. He's mad that I requested her because I don't even know her. I told him I didn't do it to talk to her, I just wanted to send the message that I was aware and she had crossed lines. He was turned off by this. (By the way, he says that it worked because she hardly talks to him.
So, should I now just delete her? Her stuff is on full lockdown, and well, H has changed all his passwords so I'm shut out. I have to say, that in my heart of hearts I know he's being faithful to me, and they are just friends.
So please, no planting seeds of doubt. But that this girl is pushing boundaries. I don't want our marriage to get worse. What do I do? Let it go? He keeps saying how much it blew his mind for me to friend request her.
If I contact her, poop with hit the roof. LOL.
Fast Forward 3 months...I've got an update at the bottom of the 2nd page. Just thought it was interesting to see my suspicions here and then the end result.
TOTALLY crazy for me to go back and read this.