castaway

I am in my second marriage now of 1 year. I have an 8 year old child from my previous marriage. I have been with my wife now for 5 years. All of the sudden, she wants me to get a paternity test because she doesnt trust my ex wife who cheated on me when our child was 2. She says that she wouldnt put it past her if she cheated on me before that but I know she never has because the marriage did not start falling apart until our child was about 15 months old. She went behind my back and ordered a paternity test online and expected me to take it without questioning it. I felt very hurt and angry that she would do that to me. She says that it is always on her mind and wants it on paper that I really am her father but I alrready know that I am and I have tried numerus times explaining to her that my first marrige was fine up until after our child was born. I am just very confused on what to do because I feel that I should not have to prove to anybody that I am the father after 8 years. PLEASE HELP!

notaname

You tell her that is your CHILD and she is not to question that fact ever again. The paper that states that fact is the birth certificate which is a legal document from the government.

DNA means little at this point.

woodstock

What on earth would she hope to gain by knowing either way? Would it somehow make a difference? Seems silly to me. What exactly is her reason?

anx

If its something that deeply bothers your wife, it might be worth taking for her sanity.

lovexlife

Okay, from a woman's point of view: Clearly she is jealous. She is jealous of either your child, and the attention you give Child. She is jealous of how you treat Child. Or she is jealous of Ex. Maybe it's a combination of all of these, who knows. But she is clearly jealous of something. Next, there are 2 scenarios that could be the root here... (1) She wants you all to herself, and she loves you sooo much that she doesn't want anything interfering with hers and your relationship, so she will do anything in her power to cut ties with the person who once made you so happy, and who you had Child with. Has Ex done anything recently to make Wife think that there is more going on between you two, more than you had a child 8 yrs ago?

(2) Maybe she is hiding something. She wants to bring up something, and stir things up because she wants you to be wrong, or she wants you to be to blame. She will try to find things that will make you be the bad guy....

Or maybe she is just trying to prove a point... Does she know something that you dont know?

castaway

I have no idea really, she says because she looks like her mother and not me. Yeah her mother cheated on me after the fact but I have never or noblody else questioned whether or not i am the father. Now she is upset with me for not doing it but I feel i am right for refusing to do it and put my child through that also.

woodstock

it is certainly not something to put the child through, but I still don't understand why she would want to ask for it.... even if there was a question, what does she think would change after being dad for 8 years? WTF?

castaway

I really have no clue. She just says that its always on her mind. Nobody else has ever questioned this before. I do think that she is jealous of my ex-wife. She doesnt like the fact that I do have to talk to her about our child. I am just angry now and refuse to take a test to prove anything to her.

lovexlife

You shouldn't have to put yourself, or Child through that. Your wife needs to stop being jealous. Is there money involved? Like do you pay child support? Maybe Wife thinks that this money should be spent on other things... Like her, or the house, or bills... etc?

woodstock

Having been in a relationship with someone with children, I will say that the ONLY time I objected to contact with the ex, was when my name came up for no reason, or when a phone call occurred during a date with me that could have waited... THAT was an oops! Anyway... outside of that, I often encouraged communication especially since the kids spent time back and forth (only changing homes when they got in trouble or one parent couldn't deal anymore). Umm sorry, my story aside...what I am saying is that she should be encouraging you to do what is best for the child and understand that it is FOR the child... I mean after 5 years... why the need now?

castaway

I have joint custody and only pay 160 bucks a month for child support. I feel there is some jealously too over my child. My wife acts totally different when it is just us 2 and then when my child is here, she distances herself from us. She says it will give her peace of mind if I were to do it and she would act differently towards my child also. I'm like WTF???

the guy

Tell your wife you will not screw up this kids life and he has a father and it's you. End of story!

lovexlife

Wow, I really think there are alot of problems within herself that she needs to look at. My dad's wife hates me, and has hated me since i was 6 yrs old. i wasnt even old enough to decide if i liked her or not... i knew nothing... but she hated me because it was, up until she came, it was always me and my dad. thats it... i was almost like "the other woman" cuz i was all my dad had, and he was all i had... is your child a female by any chance?

notaname

Maybe your wife needs to have some counseling to work through her feelings towards your child. That is very unhealthy.

As a parent I would be concerned about being married to someone who was gonna keep my child at arms length.

What she is feeling is very normal, at least I have seen other people struggle with these feelings and issues in a blended family. She shouldn't be shamed for her feelings, but she does need to know that they need to be worked on...and gotten past.

woodstock

There is no excuse... she is being the cruella type step mom. She needs to go find out what her issue is... NO ONE has the right to ask someone to chose between them and their child.. it's just wrong. No matter what a test says (not doubting you, just saying..) she needs to respect that you are Dad, she should want to be part of that in some way. You need to discuss with her how to make that happen without a test. If she is looking for the child to disappear... well she needs to make some changes in herself