Re: My husband is shutting me out
It's a fine line.
About a week ago my wife got upset with me (unfairly, I think, though saying that at this point is a bit late) and I got really withdrawn--not 'silent treatment', but was having tremendous trouble focusing on anything, trying to be friendly or seem interested, etc., etc. It took about 20 minutes or so to clear. It was like having fog in my head.
Of course, she also expected something out of me--to her, it came off as passive-aggression or me trying to cause guilt, etc. I kept checking in with myself on that but didn't think it was. IDK if I could have seen if it was, but earnestly, I didn't want to pout, etc., but simply didn't have the 'resources' to smile, let alone ask questions.
But to be clear I did feel very, very hurt. I was worried I could have gotten angry, but I also really did not feel safe expressing that I felt hurt or vulnerable.
Honestly it would have been best to just have gotten up and left until I could have cleared that, but it was the type of thing were I could have. Not the first time it's happened.
But that's not the same as not speaking for days, weeks or years on end. Giving someone the cold shoulder for that long is an attempt to gain control, especially in light of your husband having insisted on being right.
The thing to realize is that when you give someone the cold shoulder, it's hard to climb down off that wall even if you want to. Having 'control' like that--making someone feel helpless, like nothing they can do will warm you up to them--ends up controlling the person doing it, too. It's hard to de-escalate.
Usually. But I realize when I'm upset with one of my siblings I don't talk with them, and I'm not hurt by their actions, just mad with them disappointing me. In that case I'm not trying to control them beyond to express displeasure. That's not healthy for a marriage, though.
In any case, you really should expect something better. Read the Angries link.