hitrockbottom

I want to tell you first and foremost Happy Anniversary. And that I love you with all of my heart. These last 8 years have truly been and amazing experience. Though times are rough right now, they have not always been that way. You have been the best Wife, friend, and companion that I could ever have wished for. The amount of joy that you have brought in my life is immeasurable.

Before I get into this letter I believe with every cell in me. That if we can accept what has happened then we will come out stronger then ever.

At this point I really don’t know where you and I are headed. I have stepped back to an extent to look out and see what is going on. Some of it I can see…some I can’t. I know this, and I say it with the every thing I have, Something HAS to change. We can not continue this path. We have to be able to see the root cause of our tribulations, and if we are to heal We have to both take this step.

We can’t continue to let our fear for tomorrow overcome us. By planning for failure inevitably we welcome it. If we are going to make it then we have to take this on together. We have to put each other first again.

I have forgiven and I am trying to move forward. I don’t like where we are. I feel second in your world. I don’t feel like there is any lee-way toward us healing from where we stand right now. I am not asking you for tomorrow. I am asking you for today, to take this step today. Postponing the inevitable still makes it the inevitable, whether it comes tomorrow or the next.

As I told you the other night, If this pain that I feel is even part of what you had this last year from my actions, then I am humbly sorry. I can’t wish this on anyone. It destroys me knowing that I hurt you. However, there is a pain inside of me that has remained for a while now. That is the pain of knowing that I fall second in the eyes of the one person I would do anything for. I feel like I have disappointed you, and to me that is the worse feeling I can endure, but I am willing to embrace that and use it as a catalyst for change.

Things have to change one way or the other. So tonight I am asking you to make that step with me. Take my hand, Walk next to me, or simply reach over and grab my arm. I love you but I can’t go on not being able to be with you, and neither can you.

waterfall~

Nice letter hrb. How do you think it will be received?

hitrockbottom

Don't know how it will be recieved..but we will see.
This morning I put flowers all around the house.
On her Keys, in her car, by her alarm, in the bathroom...where ever I could think she would grab something I put a flower.

I put the first part of the letter next to her alarm and a card.
Tonight I cook her dinner and we have a light evening watching a movie.

MarkTwain

My thoughts are with you, I hope you get a good result

bhappy3

I haven't been following your story completely, just bits and pieces here and there, but I heard this song this afternoon and couldn't help but think of you the whole time and as soon as I got home I had to write you. The song is by Journey and it's called After All These Years. Here's the youtube link... YouTube - Journey's After All These Years MTV

Happy Anniversary

And as for me, I'm going to turn it up and dance with my husband in the family room in the middle of the afternoon.

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bluebutterfly0808

i dont know your story but i can tell you i would absolutely love if my husband did that for our anniversary! bravo! even thought you may not be where you want to be in your relationship, sounds like steps are being taken to move in the right direction! good luck with everything!

hitrockbottom

Bhappy - Thanks...good song..good Ideas for it aswell.

Here is the run down from our dinner.

My wife didn't talk to me all day. I came to find out later in the evening.

First off I will describe the evening..it was amazing...If that was the last night we were able to spend together, then I would die a happy man.

I made dinner:
Appetizer: Blueberry, and orange salad w/a poppyseed dressing.

Main Course: Cooked Chicken over roaster red peppers and onions with a side of portebello mushrooms. Topped over Linguini Pasta w/an Light alfredo sauce.

Dessert: Cinnamon Crumb Cake

Drink for the evening: Sangria - Sprite, red wine, sugar, blueberries, fresh squeezed lemons and oranges, and some brandy.

I served her dinner barefoot(as was our wedding) and in a dress shirt. On our marritial bed. Corny and simple. She expected a sappy over the top dinner and was relieved i made it relaxed.

Light hearted conversation about the hurricane surf(head + barrels) Joked.

Then I pulled out some massage oil I bought her. I had it specially mixed(show some effort ya'know). Had her change. Full Body Massage(EVERYWHERE, no sex) while we watched a movie in our room...alone (first time in at least 2yrs.) movie was "what happens in Vegas" Romantic comedy (nothing action and not a chick flick - Seemed appropriate) After the massage movie was still on(massage was an hour long) So I layed next to her...both of us basically in the nude. I boxers still on.

I reached over and held her hand. She responded. I looked at and just said, "Happy anniversary Baby, I want you to know I love you know as I have always loved you" She started to Cry and said I know...happy anniversary. We finished the movie.

Then we laid next to each other and talked. Serious this time. No tears really just serious heart to heart uninterrupted. I asked her what her decision was. After about 10min of silence she said I can't give you one right now.

So I talked. I told her that as of right now, and I made sure she looked me in the eye, This is all I have to offer.(I pointed at myself.) And my Love.
I don't know where we are going to be tomorrow, but I do know if we don't do this together we WILL NOT MAKE IT. I said that I am not expecting or planning for failure. Nor Success. But I do want to try, not knowing what our efforts will bring. That way if we do not make it, atleast I know we gave it our all. I also said that I can't take backseat in her mind anymore...nor to any other guys.
I gave her till I sell the house to make a decision. I said we can't take anymore steps backwards. We have to move forward, whether that be kissing, hugging, holding hands, Or even a day where her phone is turned off and we worry about nothing but having fun together.

I asked her to lay with me that night, she said no...I tryed for a kiss got the cheek...she kissed my cheek, told me thank you for the night, and happy anniversary.

That was that.

hitrockbottom

Well after the anniversary came a weekend that we had planned for awhile now.
She missed it. Didn't have the money for both of us to go and the surf was up from the hurricane so she stayed. I didn't feel hurt that she stayed, just that I got no phone call from her saying whats up or seeing how it was going. Then when I initiate the conversation I get ignored.

I feel so drained from rejection. I'm fighting my self from shutting down. She is killing me. I don't know what else to do but let go and see where it goes, its just that is the hard part.

bhappy3

I read this the other day and it helped me a little bit with some things I'm going through... maybe it can at least be a little tiny bandaid for what you're going through...

Training for Life's Transitions on Yahoo! Health

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