Re: Can't get my husband to care about me
Thanks everyone for your replies. After re-reading my own post and all of your replies, I think what I am really trying to ask is how do I get him to understand this is serious? I HAVE made my feelings clear to him. I HAVE told him that I want to be closer, that inside I feel like a little girl who needs her friend to take her by the hand and help her in life. I have told him EXACTLY how I feel. We have gone to counseling. I HAVE poured my heart out to him, many times, so that is why I say it's like beating a dead horse. After awhile, you just stop trying.
Its like he doesn't want or maybe doesn't feel like its worth putting forth the extra effort that it takes to make a marriage great. I know he has his own problems and stresses in his life with his job and all but so do I and that is the very reason why I need and want to be closer to him. He is a wonderful person and father and everyone thinks the world of him. And maybe most women would just be thankful to have him as their husband and leave it at that. But I need more. I don't nag, I don't complain, I don't ask for much. But maybe asking for closeness is asking for alot? Any problems in our marriage that we have ever had talks about, have always been initiated by me. He always sits very politely and listens as long as I want him to and shakes his head yes in agreement and tells me he understands and that he doesn't want to loose me, that he wants this marriage..........but ultimately, nothing changes. Once in a while they change for about a week, but then back to the same old way. Do husbands not need to have a close relationships with their wives like women do? Does he not need physical affection? (and no, I'm not overly receptive during sex at this point, because I'm hurt and feel used) We are intimate once in awhile but I mean just every day hugging type affection. How can he climb in bed and not want to hug each other? I do have to admit though, that at this point, any small talk he tries to make, I don't show a lot of enthusiasm about. But that's because it feels like he is throwing a small morsel of food at me like a token or something. I don't want to make small talk.....I want to TALK. He thinks as long as he makes small talk that he is doing his part. How can he think I'm ok with small talk when a couple of days ago I told him I feel like I'm closing up my heart to protect myself from hurt? And I have explained that to him too, that I need more than small talk and I've explained why I'm not receptive to the small talk. So, he is not left to try and read my mind, I've explained that to him. I know one answer for me is to become independent and find what makes me happy outside of my marriage. About as opposite of my nature as I can get but I still think if I could become independent, my problem might be solved. Might start new problems, but this one might be solved? Thanks to all for your input.
Last edited by mem4625; 03-03-2011 at 05:12 PM.