Phoenixxx

Hi all,
I'm totally new here and I want to share my story in hopes of gaining more insight into it through other people's eyes.
I have no idea what to do. I am 33- husband is 34. In July, we will have been married for 8 years. We met traveling when I was only 19. I am from Canada, he is from another country. After our year of traveling ended we returned home to our respective countries and had pretty much decided to break up due to the distance. This was VERY hard but I was young and got another boyfriend. He ended up coming to visit me in Canada and I ended it with my new bf. To make a very long story short, we went back and forth between our homelands for years. Eventually I decided to go to university so if we were going to be together we would have to live here. We got married and he immigrated to Canada. I was so busy with school the first few years and our marriage seemed pretty good. I was satisfied. When I finally finished school, I had more time and realized I wasn't quite so satisfied with the marriage. He didn't seem interested in what i was doing and we didn't communicate well. I felt alone and turned to my friends and parents as confidantes rather than to him. He is a hard working guy with his own business, very handsome and generous, outgoing and the kind of guy everyone likes. He doesn't even have to try. However, he is very messy and actually dirty, rarely helps with housework despite numerous conversations about this, he plays poker until 4 am many weekends and we still don't have great communication. I feel like I am his mother and I am sick of it. I am certainly no prize. I have a severe anxiety disorder causing me to be moody and often restricted in what i feel I can do. I am not the tidiest person but am relatively clean, at least and do the best I can with the time I have. We do not have children but I feel my biological clock ticking very loudly. Problem is, I do not know if I want to have children with him. I do want to be a mom but I know with my issues I will need extra support and I'm not sure he'd be the person who would be able to provide that. I have thought of separation for a very long time now and am almost at the point of leaving. We love each other but I am realizing that is not enough. I feel desperate and have no idea who to turn to. I have been to marriage counselling but he refuses to go. He knows my position. He wants to make it work. I know he loves me very much.
Thoughts, ideas, suggestions PLEASE!!!

anx

I would not have children with him until you figure this out somehow.

I don't get why people avoid MC so much. You may have to tell him that you both don't know how to fix it. He might have to chose between losing you and MC. It was the choice given to me. If we don't do MC, we will probably end soon.

My story is in my profile if you are interested.

Does he know you are at the point of separating? I was hurt and couldn't thing strait about the marriage.