General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
This forum has been a tremendous help and I hope I've helped as well. Well I know i've been shooting of my mouth here and there about the wife and her lack of communication skills and if I think I might stay or leave her etc.
Tonight we talked for about 45 min alone (freaking miracle) and I had the chance to ask her if she wanted to talk about anything deeper than the usual BS. She asked like what? I don't know, us I said...no complaints, no comments, everything's peachy with her. I mentioned that i'm still a little disappointed that it seems she doesn't want to communicate much beyond the superficial every day talk and she said she doesn't really have anything to say. She can't think of anything.
I just realized that this is just my wife and how she is. I can't change her, she's just that way. We've been married 11 years, we've had good times, not so good, active sex life (a bit dull for me) but it's there...it's just that we have no connection. She isn't capable of that. She is one dimensional and that is all there is to it. Or should I say one dimensional on the outside, I don't know her inside and never will.
I just realized that if I want something different, a marital and emotional and true physical bond, I would have to leave her plain and simple.
She could get a guy who watches sports constantly and they could both inhabit their own private inner worlds and co-exist together under the same roof.
Any astrologists here? look up Leo man Virgo woman.
Just mentally venting I guess. What it comes down to is that I love her very much and she loves me, we have a child together that we both adore. We aren't meant to be, but we've made it work, happily and not so happily. I'm in a soul searching mode I guess pondering do I throw away my current home and turn my kid's world upside down because I didn't pick the right one? she didn't either, i'm certainly not perfect either.
Martino-
Very interesting to read your blatantly frank post here.
I know you felt I gave you a rough ride, but I was only trying to crack you open because I thought that was what you needed. But you slapped me down (in a fun way), so I dropped it.
You want to crack open your wife's shell, that much we can see.
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it's just that we have no connection. She isn't capable of that. She is one dimensional and that is all there is to it. Or should I say one dimensional on the outside, I don't know her inside and never will.
My real message was that if you can reach deep within yourself, you might be able to sense how fiddle with the tumblers of the combination lock to your mutual connection.
I'm in a soul searching mode I guess pondering do I throw away my current home and turn my kid's world upside down because I didn't pick the right one? she didn't either, i'm certainly not perfect either.
I think its very admirable to recognize what your soul searching could do to your kids.
I honestly dont think anyone is 'made' for each other. It is work. It would be with anyone.
I dont think you have to settle with being disconnected from your wife the rest of your life. You just have to figure out how you define feeling connected and adjust your definition to be comparable with hers.
Hi can you explain how you would go about unlocking a person who can't or won't describe their inner feelings and communicate on a deeper level?
If I can side step this question slightly, and go back to your original question -how do you establish a deeper connection with this sort of person- then the simple answer is that if the radio signal is week, you get a bigger antenna, and a booster amp.
The fastest way I know is to practise semen retention. That's what gave me the extra sensitivity. It makes my mind and body so super attuned to my wife that I notice her a lot more.
Of course there are trick to get such a woman to open up, but it's far easier to work on yourself. Once you can see and feel what is going on inside her, you don't need to ask.
Even asking her, just to get confirmation is of no use, as women tend to deliberately run interference, if you get too close to the scent. Sometimes if you are lucky you can ask several sideways questions, and you can infer the answer to your real question. One trick that happened to me the other day was that my wife and I were talking about some other couple, and she gave me her opinion, and I felt inside that she was really commenting on herself, through the mechanism of talking about her friend. Stupidly, I did not write it down, and I have now forgotten the subject matter.
My belief is that when these realisations come to me as in the above example, I am in a slightly altered state of conciousness. So what seems "obvious" at the time becomes inaccessible once the state has worn off.
Twain, you are always welcome to respond to my posts but your responses here border on ridiculous. Semen retention in order to get my wife to open up? give me a break please...
I agree with you that conversations about others reveal glimpses of what your spouse is really all about, but the semen thing is laughable.
Martino, you asked me a direct question. I gave you what I believe is the secret to my own success. I even went further than I normally would in explaining why it works. If you are as keen to get ahead as you say, surely you could at least re-read my post and then ask me to explain anything that was unclear.
OK, I will throw down a challenge to you. If you practice it in the way I suggest, I would be surprised if it did not bring the results you say you want.
After rewading your thread from before, I took some of Mark Twains advice myself to see if it worked with my wife.
I said to her, you are my slave for the day and you have to do what I say...first she was like what am I getting myself into?? Then she excitedly went along with it.
I did nothing major, While she was at work, I made her send me some naughty pics with her cell phone, which normally she would never do....but was excited to be told to do it and she did it.
It was thrilling for both of us...some new, something edgy, something fun and private.
Twain, you are always welcome to respond to my posts but your responses here border on ridiculous. Semen retention in order to get my wife to open up? give me a break please...
I agree with you that conversations about others reveal glimpses of what your spouse is really all about, but the semen thing is laughable.
You dont understand the sprititual aspect and power behind it. You may feel it's ridiculous but it's not. It's not for everyone because most people are clueless when it comes to spiritual energy.
Just leave it alone but dont criticize something you have no clue about.
That's quite a statement. It's so Hollywood to think we have this perfect "soulmate" out there when the person we are with is teaching us things about us we think make us miserable but in reality are pointing us in a direction we ourselves need to discover about ourselves.
Be careful what you ask for. sometimes opposites balance us out. Your next wife might be that "open" "emotional" nutcase. Then you will be pineing for your old wife back.
Maybe if you look outside of such things as astrology and semen retention, for crissakes, and actually try to connect beyond one day asking your wife out of the blue if she wants to talk about anything deep.
Maybe that one day you got her defensive and confused because you never had attempted such a thing before.
But you assume that she is not capable, nor interested in this deeper connection you now seek.
I think you ought to reassess your strategies for seeking this connection or convincing yourself it is not there.
You have a child together.
I'm pretty sure you felt like you had that connection at one time. Maybe this is a shift in your attitude, not in hers. if so, you can shift back.
I'm positive that the answers you seek are not to be found in astrology or in semen retention.
I recommend you seek marriage counseling by someone qualified to offer such advice to you.
Trust common sense. if it sounds idiotic it likely is.
i wil do your charts. your leo man and your wife virgo.
if you pm me, i wil send them in a private message to you. it usually is a good few words long, but a few ppl on the forum have enjoyed what ive said when ive done it for them.
An update on my situation 
