Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 04:32 AM Thread Starter
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Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

I was having a chat with some friends yesterday. One of them is married, with no children but they are planning to get pregnant.

Now, this lady is in her late twenties and very attractive. She puts a lot of work into looking good, and naturally has a fantastic figure, petite but hourglass, very flat stomach and great boobs. Her husband is extremely proud and loves showing her off.

She was telling me that although they want to have children, the one thing that is putting him off is that her body is going to change. We were talking about it, she seems quite accepting of what might happen, for example stretch marks and putting on weight. She is worried that he might not find her as attractive because of it though.

Now, what I was wondering is how do men out there view the changes that happen to a woman when she has a baby- that is, the physical changes? Do men still view their wife as attractive even if, say, she gets stretch marks? Puts on a little weight? Has a baby belly? Does it affect desire at all? Do you still find her attractive, but being honest not quite as much? Have you or would you request that she maybe went on a diet, checked out her eating habits, or started going to the gym to either get rid of excess weight or tone up that belly? Or would you be accepting of small changes and take it as part and parcel of becoming a mother?

Now, for me it has been slightly different as I had two children when I met OH so he's seen my body post-children, just now it is more children! I have been lucky in not getting any stretch marks but I always put on some weight when baby is small and I am breastfeeding- not an excessive amount by any stretch but I can point it out and it gradually goes once baby is established on solids and not having as much milk. OH has never expressed much opinion when asked except he's glad I don't have massive purple stretch marks!

I wasn't sure what to say to my friend except she can always work on her body after if she's worried and see any more permanent changes as a "badge of honour".

So what DO men think?

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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 06:34 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

No stretch marks -how do you rate!

My husband has never had any issues with my body being pregnant or after, he loved getting me pregnant cause I was MORE horny during my pregnancies, so he got more action. I always gained 40 -45 and lost it all within about 3 months time -for each of my 6 children.

Although it doesn't bother him (we have had a # of conversations-because it bothers ME), I feel my stomach likes like an over inflated Rail road track, many stretch marks. I am a small woman so even these babies , all below 9 lbs, still reaked havoc on my body. My stomach is the only thing that bothers me, he does not care, I would pay for a tummy tuck in a heart beat -trying to push him to let me, he wont let me.

It truly IS a badge of honor. I used the coco butter lotions to help avoid the stretch marks but can't say it did much of anything.
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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 06:51 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

Some women don't have stretch marks after they have babies.

I am one of the lucky ones.

I didn't have stretch marks, I didn't do anything.

I lost all the weight in a month.

Now I do my best to make sure I keep in shape. I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables, I excise my belly so my waist is curvy. I have beauty treatment regularly. My husband reminds me to wear facial masks, he also makes sure that I don't let go of myself and lose my shape.

He is visual; I am visual, too. I like to enjoy myself in front of the mirror!
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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 07:10 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

My wife never quite returned to her pre-baby size, burt she still looks damn good. In fact, I am usually trying to get her to gain a couple of pounds so she doesn't look so skinny. She has a few stretch marks, but they mean nothing to me. I love her, I think she's hot, she's sexy and she's MINE.
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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 08:02 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

Not everyone gets stretch marks and loses their figure after having a baby. I had no stretch marks after my son. In addition, I left the hospital a thin woman. Now the twins ordeal was another matter. I did get stretch marks with them.

However, if a relationship is based solely on physical appearance, it must not be that great of a relationship. I would think twice about even having a child if the relationship is that weak.
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 08:15 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

My wife gained 67lbs with the birth of our first son.
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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 09:25 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

Wow, what a loaded question. I might be a weird one but I actually found my wife more attractive during and after children. I loved her pregnant, she had such a glow about her that I found so sexy. And after the kids were here, I find her sexy just for being a mom, and the fact that we have the children to share together.

Now, she got quite large during pregnancy and has kept a little bit of the weight on but nothing I care about. She didn't really get any noticeable stretch marks but does have a c-section scar. I still think she is hot. Now, had she put on 50 LBS and kept it on, I don't know. Since I am not in that position it is hard for me to honestly answer that.

To someone elses point, it may not even be an issue. We had a neighbor in California that looked like Charlize Theron after two kids... Wooo.

Either way, if she is just a "trophy" wife she ought to think about really wanting kids with that guy..
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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 10:05 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

A younger/immature man would care about those stretch marks while a mature man who is happy being a dad, would think the natural process changing a woman's body shape during pregnancy is a beautiful process.
A immature man is an immature husband who won't think be a great dad.
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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 11:52 AM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

I guess it depends on scale. If you're using childbearing as the reason your 5'3" frame tops 275lbs then you are clearly off the rails.
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 12:31 PM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

The psychological changes are much more dangerous than the physical ones.

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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 04:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

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The psychological changes are much more dangerous than the physical ones.
Interesting you should say that; one of the other things she said was that because they had spent years together just them, and they are so wrapped up in each other, she wasn't sure how they would feel about "sharing" each other. Again, I've always had to "share" OH so I've not known what it's like to have that dedicated couple time. A whole new discussion methinks...

Anyhow... The responses seem generally positive so far, although I think Runs like Dog may have other thoughts!
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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 04:55 PM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

Tobio,

I think you would agree with this.

Many a happy man gets sidetracked when the kids are born - and begins his fateful journey down "Nice Guy" avenue.

If one keeps in mind that she is "wired" to think kids first - but still has plenty for him, it will all be well.

If he sees himself in competition with the attention given to the children, he will also be seen as a child.

And, he may as well get his user account here.
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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 07:19 PM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

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Tobio,

I think you would agree with this.

Many a happy man gets sidetracked when the kids are born - and begins his fateful journey down "Nice Guy" avenue.

If one keeps in mind that she is "wired" to think kids first - but still has plenty for him, it will all be well.

If he sees himself in competition with the attention given to the children, he will also be seen as a child.

And, he may as well get his user account here.

I would add that the woman needs to make an effort to be a "wife" also and not just a mother.

As far as attractive after babies. My wife "snapped back" after the first child. The second one she kept some weight on. I like my women between size 10-12 and tall (at least 5'9) so I'm probably not the best one to listen too.

In thy foul throat thou liest.
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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 07:58 PM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

I found my mife to be extremely atttactive during all 4 pregnancies, and even though her body is not in the shape it was 14 years ago watching her with our children make me want her more than I ever did before we had kids.

Attraction is a funny thing. I love her body but she is not happy with it and doesn't feel attractive. We are both working together to lose the weight we have gained during our marriage. Currently I am down 12 lbs in 3 weeks.
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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old 03-11-2011, 08:34 PM
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Re: Men: do you find your W as attractive after having children?

Vacadeluz, well done on the weight loss - consistency is your key

As for me, my honey is still beautiful. She gave me 5 children, but still she is lovely. Her *ss is as HOT as it was the day we met, I just LOVE it and holding it is always a pleasure.

Of course we all change but as time goes along, the physical becomes less important and it is about focusing more in the spiritual connection.
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