I want to please my husband!
Ok this is a long story & I'll leave minor details out to reduce its length lol but I figure you cant help if you don't know the situation.
I have been with my husband for 16 years, actually since I was 16. We have a beautiful family & have managed to realize many of our dreams through a lot of hard work & being a great team.
Our newest company, something we dreamed of owning for a long time has started to cause us issues. Its a Bar with a few added entertainment features that include sensual dancers but NOT strippers.
Anyways, I am a model I also dance & work at our company either on site or from home. I always try to spend 2 nights a week there so we can have some fun, a few drinks etc.
Our problem is this...... Of course he has a lot of girls that flirt with him, many of whom don't have any idea he's married (he hasn't worn a ring for 10yrs) Which is fine. Im usually not a jealous person. But he has started to become detatched from me & when I spend time there he seems to move away from me, sometimes even goes out to see friends at another bar. He has a a friend (girl) that he hangs out with & I cant help but see him enjoying her company more than mine. He says he doesnt but I can see she doesnt come with all the stings n stress I do, plus she's 10yrs younger than me......
Since he works so many hours & comes home sometimes 3 am on a few occasions 5-6 am. He's busy & cant always text me back or call. I started to get really upset & feel very lonely home alone with the kids nearly every night. Its a new company & we don't have the spare $$ for me to just go out & have fun with my friends & he after all is working.
Without being graphic, I am a very sexual person, I need to feel wanted & a passing touch or a few sexy texts a day is almost a guarantee to have me waiting naked in high heels ready to bust out a lapdance for him when he finally comes home lol So it doesnt take much to keep me happy & horny.
However some days I wait & wait & eventually Im in tears thinking what did I do wrog, why doesnt he want to come home to me. Its not like he doesnt find me attractive & he loves sex lol!
I just dont know what to think anymore. I've explained how I feel, I said how his actions when he's around the other girl has caused me to feel, & I've made it clear I dont need much. Just find some time to show me Im your wife not just an employee/cleaner/nanny.
Ive tried not saying anything & being my usual cheerful self, & I can do it for a few days, I have friends I chat to so I dont feel lonely. Just enough to get me by. BUT then after a few days go by I get so upset, I almost start having a panic attack about it. I start to act mean & think WHY cant you just grab me, kiss me or a really nice hug as he leaves for work.....something!
I start to think of the little details that add up in my head & somehow 2+2=6 nothing makes sense & as much as I believe him & he assures me he isnt cheating I just feel sick.
He is a very good man & we've always worked together. He's been so protective over the years & always told me how much he loves me. Never once gave me a reason to doubt him, even when Ive been a flirt or gone to shoot photo's in my lingerie.
Regardless its almost like I've worn him out lol or used up all of his affection & caring. Like I made him feel so pushed to be what I wanted that now he has the spotlight I almost disappear in his eyes.
I love him so much & want to keep our family together. I don't want to get weak & cheat, I also don't want to push him away with my crazy behaviour. I just cant seem to get any clear idea of what I'm supposed to do.
PLEASE HELP ME please don't bash him, I just need help