I want to please my husband!
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Old 03-13-2011, 09:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I want to please my husband!

Ok this is a long story & I'll leave minor details out to reduce its length lol but I figure you cant help if you don't know the situation.

I have been with my husband for 16 years, actually since I was 16. We have a beautiful family & have managed to realize many of our dreams through a lot of hard work & being a great team.

Our newest company, something we dreamed of owning for a long time has started to cause us issues. Its a Bar with a few added entertainment features that include sensual dancers but NOT strippers.

Anyways, I am a model I also dance & work at our company either on site or from home. I always try to spend 2 nights a week there so we can have some fun, a few drinks etc.

Our problem is this...... Of course he has a lot of girls that flirt with him, many of whom don't have any idea he's married (he hasn't worn a ring for 10yrs) Which is fine. Im usually not a jealous person. But he has started to become detatched from me & when I spend time there he seems to move away from me, sometimes even goes out to see friends at another bar. He has a a friend (girl) that he hangs out with & I cant help but see him enjoying her company more than mine. He says he doesnt but I can see she doesnt come with all the stings n stress I do, plus she's 10yrs younger than me......

Since he works so many hours & comes home sometimes 3 am on a few occasions 5-6 am. He's busy & cant always text me back or call. I started to get really upset & feel very lonely home alone with the kids nearly every night. Its a new company & we don't have the spare $$ for me to just go out & have fun with my friends & he after all is working.

Without being graphic, I am a very sexual person, I need to feel wanted & a passing touch or a few sexy texts a day is almost a guarantee to have me waiting naked in high heels ready to bust out a lapdance for him when he finally comes home lol So it doesnt take much to keep me happy & horny.

However some days I wait & wait & eventually Im in tears thinking what did I do wrog, why doesnt he want to come home to me. Its not like he doesnt find me attractive & he loves sex lol!

I just dont know what to think anymore. I've explained how I feel, I said how his actions when he's around the other girl has caused me to feel, & I've made it clear I dont need much. Just find some time to show me Im your wife not just an employee/cleaner/nanny.

Ive tried not saying anything & being my usual cheerful self, & I can do it for a few days, I have friends I chat to so I dont feel lonely. Just enough to get me by. BUT then after a few days go by I get so upset, I almost start having a panic attack about it. I start to act mean & think WHY cant you just grab me, kiss me or a really nice hug as he leaves for work.....something!

I start to think of the little details that add up in my head & somehow 2+2=6 nothing makes sense & as much as I believe him & he assures me he isnt cheating I just feel sick.

He is a very good man & we've always worked together. He's been so protective over the years & always told me how much he loves me. Never once gave me a reason to doubt him, even when Ive been a flirt or gone to shoot photo's in my lingerie.

Regardless its almost like I've worn him out lol or used up all of his affection & caring. Like I made him feel so pushed to be what I wanted that now he has the spotlight I almost disappear in his eyes.

I love him so much & want to keep our family together. I don't want to get weak & cheat, I also don't want to push him away with my crazy behaviour. I just cant seem to get any clear idea of what I'm supposed to do.

PLEASE HELP ME please don't bash him, I just need help
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Old 03-13-2011, 11:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I want to please my husband!

I know my post is long but if you do read it & have any insight PLEASE reply...... I am at rock bottom right now trying really hard to stay positive for my kids & myself
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Old 03-14-2011, 12:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I want to please my husband!

It seems that your uneasiness is due to you thinking that he is cheating, but you don't really know that, or do you? Can you try ot determine where he is when he's out until 5 or 6? Did he answer your calls or texts before and suddenly he's stopped? I understand he gets busy, but if he used to have time to call or text and doesn't now then I would be more concerned.

I think you need to find out if he is cheating before you get all upset about it. I have done the exact same thing, so I know how easy it is to jump to conclusions when your panic starts building and you don't get answers. I think you somehow need to determine if he is really cheating or not.

Has he been in this type of business before? Maybe he feels like a kid in a candy store and is caught up in the excitement and fantasy of having these "sensual" dancers around, but maybe he is just looking, not doing anything. Personally I would not be comfortable if that was my husband's job, but you seem ok with it as long as he is not cheating. Do you have a friend there who can let you know what's going on when you are not around?
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Old 03-14-2011, 12:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I want to please my husband!

I just read your other post, asking what fantasy people have had/tried and I am not thinking that maybe your husband is cheating and thinks you are ok with it.

You suggested sex with another woman or couple, so maybe he figures it's ok if he has a relationship with another woman. Not judging, just saying I can understand how he might think that.
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Old 03-14-2011, 06:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I want to please my husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trooper View Post
I just read your other post, asking what fantasy people have had/tried and I am not thinking that maybe your husband is cheating and thinks you are ok with it.

You suggested sex with another woman or couple, so maybe he figures it's ok if he has a relationship with another woman. Not judging, just saying I can understand how he might think that.
Honestly its just fun talk, I've always tried to be as open minded as possible & thats why I think I'm so stuck for ideas now. I try to make everything fun so he wont want to go elsewhere for what he cant have at home & lose what we have. We've never included another person, its just talk

I'm sure it is confusing to hear me say those things & in reality I don't mind him having good friends I just want to feel like I'm not competing with other people or even the stress for a little attention

Im trying to just be the person he fell in love with, no insecurities, No arguing, happy face to come home to.......well I said I'm trying lol
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