How do you deal with an Addictive Personality?? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-14-2011, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
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How do you deal with an Addictive Personality??

My husband goes through an addictive cycle.
Phase 1: he's addicted to alcohol. He will spend $10 or more a day on beer and buy bottle of liquor here and there. Since we are just newly weds we are BROKE. Not only does this cause us to fight about money, but about his health. I also get tired of him getting drunk every night.
Phase 2: He will start Dipping. So now he's a drunken dipper. Now I worry about his teeth, cancer, jaw being taken off etc. I really don't nag on him about it, but deep down it's disgusting. After 6 months or so he will quit.
Once he quits he goes to Phase 3: Obsessed with working out and internet. Working out is great! Good for his health and something active. But he will stay on the internet ALL day everyday and is lazy as can be. I can't even have a decent conversation with him. Let alone watch t.v or a movie with him. This makes me feel so alone and depressed. I've talked to him about it, but he makes me feel like it's my problem.
Phase 4: Can't stop spending money. Once again money issues. I've tried showing him what we have and what he can spend... no use.

There are other things he becomes addicted to, but these are our main issues.
Overall, I love my husband, he's a great person and very loving(if he pays attention to me), but I don't know how to handle his addictions. His addictions will always be number 1 and I don't expect him to change who he is, but meet me in the middle. I try to just deal with it or ignore it, but it makes me so unhappy which, obviously, effects our marriage.
Please be honest and I would appreciate any advice that's being given. It would be nice to know if anyone can relate...

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-14-2011, 08:53 AM
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Re: How do you deal with an Addictive Personality??

I have found that disrupting the "normal" routines helped me break addictions.

Booze and computer? Can you plan something like exercise, walking, etc... so his first steps in his "routine" aren't drinking and computer?

As for dipping, I'd go with the health aspect, especially if he is working out (same with booze).

As for money, can you take over the finances? Set allowances, watch the credit cards, etc...
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-14-2011, 08:57 AM
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Re: How do you deal with an Addictive Personality??

Someone who is 'truly' addicted has to recognize they have an addiction before they can be helped.

You knowing doesn't help.

They will just go underground to feed the addiction and begin hiding it, lying about it, etc.

I know - my daughter is an alcoholic. She didn't quit until she hit rock bottom - jail, divorce, etc. But it took that before she recognized that 'she' had a problem.

I feel for you - he definitely sounds like he has an addictive-type personality and will jump in with all feet/hands into those things that are not good for him. Maybe he's self-destructive too.

"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
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