Need help with next steps
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Old 03-17-2011, 01:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 65
Default Need help with next steps

Hi all.

So I am trying to set limits with my husband, simply put, he has hurt me with his behavior. I told him I love him despite being hurt and angry and I will see him tomorrow and of course attend his special event this weekend.

Sooo, as expected, because I am standing my ground he is escalating and punishing me. He is in another city, sent me a very chilly email telling me he "will not read any emails nor speak to me as he is no longer interested".

He also says that he "plans on returning home sometime in April" I'm guessing just when his friends arrive for a visit. Thats when my Mr. Jekyl will magically turn back into a charming prince. sigh.

I am still heading to his event as I feel he is almost hoping I will not come so he can use it as further proof of how "awful" I am. I have no idea what to expect, or if he will speak to me, or if I will find his hotel! I am suppose to stay with him at the hotel and he is suppose to pick me up but he will not respond to me so I guess I'll take a cab....figure it out when I get there.

I started MC today (solo of course). Funny enough, I am feeling ok, I guess I am getting so used to this crap it doesn't freak me out any more. I mean, I want to work things out but if this is my future...well, he can go sooner then later. That's harsh and sad but I don't know that I want a relationship with someone who acts like this. I am planning on working with the MC, I starting to conclude he may be an emotional abuser and I have done some reading about passive aggression, that did resonate with me, it described him almost perfectly.

Any perspective on how I should manage the near future. I can't make him come home. I sent him an email as he will not return my call - telling him I love him however this is escalating out of control and if he needs space then we should talk, not threaten each other. etc.

I extended this olive branch however I know what will "fix" this is for me to apologize for telling him I felt hurt by him. I do not need to be right but I feel I should not do that because he uses it to point out that I had no reason to be upset and continues the behavior. We've been down this road too many times. I am desperately trying to change the dynamic once and for all, for both of us.

So, if I am missing anything, I would appreciate the feedback. Thank you, this place has helped me. Leah
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ft Worth
Posts: 64
Default Re: Need help with next steps

I dont know but Im in the same boat that you are only with my wife. I cant get her to talk to me or text or email. I was told to back off from her and let her heal and see that I am trying. However I caused my problem now all that I want to do is fix it
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