Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: My side of the street
Re: "I was this way when we met!" Opinions?
I've been married to an alcoholic for 8.5 years, and we dated for about two years before we married.
I have heard some real gems:
"I know I have a drinking 'problem.'"
"I'm an alcoholic."
"I really need to get into detox."
Yeah, so what? I'm a blonde. ACTIONS are what you need to look at, not what he says.
An alcoholic is in denial to himself about his drinking, for the most part: "I can stop whenever I want to stop," "I can control my drinking," "I like to unwind, I enjoy drinking, so what?" Blah, blah, blah.
Alcoholism is an equal-opportunity destroyer. The damage this is doing to your child is very real. I know many ACOA's (Adult Children Of Alcoholics) through my attendance in Al-Anon. Many of them end up marrying addicts. Young children are far more aware that something is wrong with an addicted parent than we realize.
He doesn't want help. Do you? How about trying some Al-Anon meetings? The people in those rooms have lived up-front and personal with the disease and can give you understanding and support. Not every meeting is great, so the only request made to newcomers is they try six meetings to see if the program is a good fit for them.
My husband held a high-level government job, he was a meritoriously decorated Lieutenant Colonel in the Army, he has a graduate degree in engineering. An intelligent man, with a keen understanding and knowledge of what do in combat, how to build all sorts of structures ... but an alcoholic who self-destructed to the point that he eventually lost his job and trashed his marriage.
ALCOHOLISM IS A PROGRESSIVE DISEASE. As the years go on, if you decide to stay, you will see it for yourself.
Give some serious consideration to getting counseling and/or attending Al-Anon for yourself. If you can afford to move out, you may want to give that serious consideration too. I've known plenty of alcoholics who have hit very ugly bottoms. I've also known some whose bottom was six feet under. Sad, but true.
I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.